“Just do what I ask! I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” I hit End and toss the phone onto the passenger seat.
Last night I barely slept because I was too enraged over what occurred at Element. Add Lena not being with me, and it made for a long, miserable fucking night. But I know myself, and when I’m angry like that, I need to be alone to cool off. Otherwise, I’ll say and do things I’ll later regret.
I drove for hours last night, blaring music to silence the rage. It’s the first time Lena has seen me get so upset. She’s never experienced any of my anger issues. Let’s hope it doesn’t scare her away.
I know it’s early, but I need to see her, make sure we’re okay. I didn’t call her to let her know I was on my way because I don’t want to give her time to think about what she wants to say when she sees me. I need to see the look on her face to gauge what she’s feeling and thinking.
When I drive up to Lena’s house, I park behind Luci’s car. I hope she’s awake because it’s early, just a few minutes shy of 8:00 a.m. I knock on the door and wait. I’m about to start knocking again when I see Lena walking down the hall until she opens the door. Her green eyes are puffy and red, with dark circles underneath them.
“Hi, babe,” I say.
She reaches out and pulls me into her, hugging me tightly. “I was so worried about you. I called you all night, and you didn’t answer once. I thought something happened to you.”
“Yeah, I probably should’ve let you know I was fine. Sorry about that.”
She lets me in before closing the door. We go into the living room, and she sits on the couch cross-legged.
“What you did last night, that can’t happen again,” she says, adjusting her frames.
“I know I should’ve answered your call.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about, although that too,” she corrects me. “If I hadn’t stood in between you and Stefano, you would’ve punched him, or worse.”
“I know! You should’ve let me!”
“Don’t you see? You can’t do that. It’s exactly what he wanted, to goad you. That’s the type of guy he is, always looking to start a fight, hit someone. He would’ve pressed charges against you, just to cause trouble and hurt us.”
“Did he hit you when you were together?”
She shakes her head. “He came close—pushed me a few times, grabbed my arms really hard but never hit me.”
Motherfucker! Lena’s words cause my blood to boil. I should kill him. When I found out she was dating him, it took everything I had to not say anything to her about the type of guy I know he is. Being from the neighborhood, we all know he’s a douchebag that treats his women terribly. Not surprising for a guy who disrespects his mother. But I couldn’t be the one who told Lena all these things because then it would look like I tried to break them up so I could hook up with her. She might not have gone out with me if I had. I knew their relationship wouldn’t last. It was just a matter of when it would end. And so I bided my time. Had I known he had gotten physical with her, things would’ve been very different.
I need to touch her and feel her energy, so I shift my body closer to hers, resting my hand on her leg. “You shouldn’t have stood between the both of us. You could’ve been hurt.”
She places her hand over mine. “You would never hurt me, which is exactly why I did it. How could you ever think I was defending him? I was protecting you from yourself. My loyalty is yours. You scared me last night. I’ve never seen you so upset like that. Your eyes glossed over, and it’s like you couldn’t see me. If I’m being honest, there was a moment when I was scared, when you screamed at me to move.”
Her words cause feelings of shame and guilt to creep in. This woman, who I love, was scared of me. I would never, could never hurt her; I only want to protect her. I scoot even closer to her, gliding my thumb across her beauty mark. “I’m sorry.”
With both of her hands, she grasps mine in hers, kissing them. She starts at the fingertips, moving up to the back of my hand before turning over to my palm.
“Please don’t do that again. You caused a scene unnecessarily. If you and I have an issue, then we have an issue. I don’t want to argue or make it known to the entire world that we’re having problems. Outside forces weaken relationships. What happens between you and me, is for us to deal with. You good with that?”
Just two minutes ago, this woman told me I scared her, yet she already forgives me. I probably don’t deserve her. “Yeah, I’m good with that.”
“As for leaving, if you need time because we’re arguing, I’ll give you all the time you need. I get it. When things get heated, it’s best to cool off before we discuss it, but please just tell me you need it, so I don’t worry about you.”
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Why would you say that?”
“Because I’m an asshole.”
“You can be, but you’re my asshole.” She stands from where she’s sitting and doesn’t let go of my hand, pulling me toward her bedroom.
CHAPTER 8
Shattered
MASSIMO
April 2003
IT’S JUST AFTER 6:30 A.M. when I’m walking through the front door and easing it closed because I don’t want to wake her. I’m exhausted after playing the tables till late then driving home. I haven’t spoken to Lena since Thursday night; her phone kept going to voicemail. I’m mostly annoyed because she does that all the time but never for this long. It’s been more than twenty-four hours since I’ve spoken with her, and I started worrying, which is why I decided to drive home early. I kick off my shoes and pad down the hall.
When I stop in front of our bedroom, the door is slightly open—weird because Lena always sleeps with it closed. I still remember the first night we spent here. We had just moved in together after dating for a year. I had come into the bedroom when she was already in bed reading. When I left the door open behind me, she demanded that I close it because she was scared of sleeping with it open. At that moment, I didn’t understand her fear, but I’d do anything for that woman, so I closed it without question.
I nudge the door open, reaching my hand to the right to flick the light switch on. The bed is empty and neatly made. What the fuck?! I stride across the bedroom and into the bathroom, flicking that light on as well. Nothing here either.
I stick my hand in my pocket and pull out my phone, flipping it open to dial Lena’s number. It goes straight to voicemail again. Now I’m panicking. Where the fuck is she? Did something happen to her? In a few quick steps, I’m inside our walk-in closet. When I flip the light switch, it’s like someone drove a knife deep into my heart. My step falters. Our closet is half empty. Most of her stuff is gone. The shock of what I am seeing has me frozen in place.
It’s early, but I flip my phone open again and dial Lena’s mother anyway. If anyone knows where Lena is, it’s her mom. “Hello,” she answers in a sleepy voice on the fourth ring.
“Hi, Blanca,” I begin, “sorry to call you this early, but is Lena at your house?” I ask desperately.