“If I go down, you’ll go with me. And he’ll have nothing to do with you.” She smiles like she won. No one ever does when they go up against me. Hasn’t she learned that?
I return her smile, but mine is much more threatening. Hers disappears, and her breathing picks up. “That’s where you’re wrong, Becky. I’m not the one who fucked his best friend. You are.”
She gives me the sweetest smile, trying to act like I’m not getting to her. It’s the same one I’ve seen men drop to their knees for, including my best friend. Pathetic bastards. “You didn’t stop me.”
“I didn’t,” I admit and take a step toward her, closing the little space between us. “Ever wonder why?” All the color drains from her face. I refrain from smiling. Instead, I lean down, her face inches from mine, and whisper, “Who said I didn’t record you?” Becky should know not to fuck with me!
I straighten my back.
“You didn’t.” Her voice barely over a whisper. Her eyes are wide with fear.
I say nothing.
“We had a deal,” she argues. “You kept your mouth shut, and I’d do the same. I even covered for you to Austin.”
I snort. “I didn’t need you to lie for me.” I had that covered all on my own.
“She’s not like all those whores you’ve been with, Cole,” she snaps.
“Watch it, Becky!”
She sighs and runs a hand through her bleach blond hair. “Austin is my best friend. I should have never helped you. I thought …” She looks up at me. “I was gonna come clean to her so many times, but I thought I saw you falling in love with her.” She looks down at the carpet. “That day in the cafeteria when I told you that I saw a change in you …” She sniffs and shakes her head. “I should have realized she was just another game to you.”
“Things have changed,” I say through gritted teeth.
“I don’t see it that way,” Becky argues. “Austin asked me about why you didn’t drink at the beach party, and I explained what happened. I took up for you,” she growls through gritted teeth, looking back up at me. “Told her that they blamed you, but it was an accident.”
“Oh, please.” I laugh. “We both know the truth.”
“I lied to her for you.” She shoves me backward, but I don’t budge.
“You lied, but it wasn’t for me.” Does she think I’ve forgotten what happened that night?
She ignores my comment. “I continued to cover for you even though I had no clue what was going on. I saw you falling for her, so I wanted to help you out. I didn’t want her to see you as a murderer like everyone else in this town. The things people had said about you …” She trails off, unable to get the words out.
I stiffen. Austin already knew I was a murderer long before she knew I killed three of my friends. “Austin knows I wasn’t driving.”
“You told her?” she asks wide-eyed.
I shake my head. “She realized I was in the passenger seat. She thinks I’m covering for Eli.”
She swallows nervously. “Did you …?”
“I let her believe whatever she wanted.” My jaw tightens at those words, knowing I’m still keeping quite a few secrets from her. At some point, I’ll need to come clean, but that means telling the others as well.
She nods her head quickly and then runs her hand through her hair. “But I also told her the truth, Cole. It was an accident.”
I fist my hands. “God, quit fucking saying that.”
“It’s true.” She sighs heavily. “We both know none of us could have seen that happening.”
“We were reckless.” No one should have been in that car other than me.
I should have left their asses at that party and left on my own. Jeff must have followed me that night and set it up. We were out of control. Partying every night of the week and never thinking twice when we got in the car to leave. He knew I’d be out drinking that Saturday night, and he knew what the town would say about me once I was dead. But he didn’t count on me not driving. And surviving. I’ve just wondered why he never came back for me once he realized I didn’t die. Why didn’t Bruce try again?
“Bruce paid to kill you,” she snaps.
“Which is what makes it my fault!” I shout back.
She places her hands on my upper arms, but I pull away from her, and they fall to her sides. I’m confused about how we got here. This conversation. At what point did it take a turn? A very bad turn. We don’t discuss that night.
“The only ones who blamed you didn’t know the truth.”
I don’t have anything to say to that because that was my plan all along. No one needed to know the truth. I’ve lived with secrets all my life, so what’s one more?
“You’re right.” Her eyes meet mine. “We both have secrets. And I’ll keep yours if you keep mine.”
I won’t point out that I hold two secrets of hers. If she told mine, then she would be telling on herself.
Her head falls, and she looks at Austin’s closet floor. “Deke would never forgive me if he knew the truth.”
The truth is Bruce paid to kill all of us in that car. Why would he hate her so much for that? He would be mad that she hid it, but never forgive her? I’d forgive Austin. I decide to change the subject. “He told Bennett and me that you guys are over.”
“When?” Her blue eyes go wide.
“Does it matter?” I ask. She lets out a long sigh. “If you wanna work it out, Becky, you need to tell him. It’s out. Bruce paid …”
“No!” She shakes her head and tears start to well in her eyes. “I love him, Cole.”
“Then why did you break up with him?” I’ve always known how Deke felt about Becky but how she feels about him …?
“Maybe he broke up with me,” she offers.
I laugh. “I know him.”
She looks around the closet as if searching for an answer. “Bruce won’t matter. He’ll blame me. I’m in too deep. Too many lies. And Austin …”
My jaw clenches. “I think she deserves to know.”
“No!”
“So you want to continue to lie to her too?”
“What is going on between me and my best friend is not a lie. I’ve never once fabricated a story to her, but Deke I have.”
“It’s still a secret,” I offer.
“It was a deal!” she snaps. “And she won’t forgive you.”
She would. I’m not saying it wouldn’t take time, but I’ve done far worse to her than lie. “You make it sound like we had a contract written in blood.” Which, in a way, I guess it was. Both of us had blood on our hands.
Her eyes narrow on me. “You’re right. It was more like an understanding. You took the fall for me, making me owe you. And then, one day, you came to collect.”
Four months ago
I sit in my father’s darkly lit game room on the chaise lounge. Deke, Bennett, and Shane are all over by the pool table. Each with a girl under their arm. Kellan sits over on the couch watching the basketball game playing on the big screen, but there’s no sound. Instead, “Devilish” by Chase Atlantic plays through the speakers.