My heart aches as I see him laugh. I haven’t seen one of his smiles, his real smiles, in forever. Let alone heard him laugh. There was too much darkness in his life to find a reason for joy lately, and I missed it.
I missed him.
A part of me hoped that Callie was right, that Nixon just needed time to deal with all the things that have happened lately, and once he does he’ll be back. But as the days passed, my hope diminished.
The girl’s hand wraps around his arm. My heart stops as I watch her pull him down, her lips brushing against the corner of his mouth as she gets on the tips of her toes to whisper something in his ear.
Not just any girl.
Karen.
Chloe’s roommate.
Seeing her cozying up to him, seeing Nixon letting her, is like a punch to my gut.
Did he already move on?
All the insecurities come rushing back at once, as all the fears that I’ve been fighting from an early age come back to the surface.
He isn’t a one-woman kind of guy. Coach’s mocking words come back to haunt me. I shake my head, refusing to give him power.
Nixon isn’t like that.
Moving forward, I cross the distance between us until I’m standing next to him.
“Nixon.”
His whole body tenses when he hears me. The music is loud, a complete contrast to my low voice, yet he can hear me.
Slowly he turns around to face me. A smile is plastered on his face, but it does nothing to hide the darkness eating at him on the inside. “Yasmin.”
We stare at each other for what seems like forever. Time slows down, everything around us falling into oblivion. It’s just him and me and all the demons surrounding us.
His. Mine. Ours.
Everything we’ve been trying to forget, to push back, finally coming back to haunt us.
“What are you doing?”
From up close I can see the details I couldn’t when I was standing across the room. Like the fact that he lost some weight. The dark circles didn’t disappear, they’ve only grown bigger since I last saw him, cheeks turning hollow.
He might be acting like nothing’s going on but on the inside he’s slowly dying.
“Having fun.” Nixon flashes me a grin, but the dimple doesn’t pop out. “What does it look like?”
He sways a little on his feet, and I grab his hand to steady him. “It looks like you’re getting drunk.”
“That’s the fun part.”
I touch his face, but he flinches back. I try to hide the fact that his reaction hurts but I’m emotionally drained as it is. It’s not even about the fact that he doesn’t want me to touch him, but that he’s okay with her touching him.
He’s hurting.
Well, I’m hurting too.
“Drinking so much you can’t stand on your feet, which will probably soon lead to you puking your guts out? Sounds like super fun.” Then I remember. “Is Jade here?” I look around, but don’t see her between all the people. Have more of them arrived since I’ve gotten here? It couldn’t have been more than a few minutes.
“Nope, she’s a big girl, and she can take care of herself.”
“You left her alone?”
After everything?
A different kind of panic creeps in at the thought of Jade all alone in her house. The house in which she spent months caring for her sick mother.
He shrugs. “She wanted it like that.”
She wanted it like that?
What does that even mean? What the hell has happened since we left? Nixon wouldn’t leave his sister alone, not after the bathtub incident. It just doesn’t add up...
He tips the bottle, spilling some of the liquid over himself.
“Give me that, you’ve had enough.” I try to reach for the bottle, but even drunk he’s faster, pulling it out of my reach.
His friends laugh around us.
“Gimme some of that,” Karen moans in her irritating, high-pitched voice. I expect him to refuse her, but he doesn’t. Instead he offers her the bottle. She doesn’t bother reaching for it, just wraps her lips around the opening and drinks as Nixon tips the bottle.
Some of the liquid drips onto her chin, and they all burst into laughter once again. When she signals she’s done, Nixon pulls the bottle from her lips. Karen wipes her chin with her fingers and then exaggeratedly sucks on them.
“Is this your sort of fun?” I look at Karen, who gives me a smug, self-satisfied smile.
Bitch.
It’s not even strange Chloe can’t stand her.
“This was always my sort of fun.”
“Not always,” I counter. “You’re drunk.” I wrap my hand around his arm and pull him toward me. “You should sober up, and then we can talk.”
Nixon pulls his hand out of mine with such force that I stumble back.
“There is nothing to talk about. And I’m just fine where I am.” He throws his hand over Karen’s shoulders. “You said it yourself, we were a one-time thing. Now it’s time for you to move on.”
If he wanted to hurt me, he found the perfect way to do it. I move back like he slapped me. Karen’s hand lands possessively over his pec, but I refuse to look at her. “You don’t mean it.”
He isn’t a one-woman man.
I can’t do this.
“We had fun, but now that fun is over.” He looks at me and then takes a pull from the bottle. The lips that were kissing me not even a couple of weeks ago, now touching something another girl touched.
Why does it feel worse than if he’d kissed her?
“You should know better than to fall for a player.” His eyes are hard, and there is this glint in them, almost maniacal. The one that reminds me of the guy I used to know. The one who accused me of sleeping around to get my way.
He isn’t my Nixon, not any longer. And I don’t think my heart can stand to find out what he has in store for me.
“You’re right, I should have known better.” I lift my hands, trying my best to seem unaffected. “Fine, have it your way. I’m done.”
Turning on the balls of my feet, I walk away from him. My lip trembles so I bite the inside of my cheek.
I’m not going to crumble. Not here. Not now.
Shoving people out of my way, I hurry toward the door. I have to get out of here before I do something stupid.
“Yasmin!” Callie calls after me but I ignore her.
A little bit more.
Just a little bit more and I’ll be out of here. Away from stupid boys who don’t know what they want. Players who break hearts.
You’re the only thing keeping me together.
Then why? Why did you have to tear me apart?
Tears cloud my gaze, my whole body shaking violently. I wrap my arms around myself, barely holding myself together.
I won’t break.
“Yasmin, wait!”
Silently cursing my friend’s insistence, I throw over my shoulder, “I can’t stay here, Callie.”
If anybody should understand, it’s her. When things fell apart with her and Hayden she closed herself off in our room and tried her best to avoid anything to do with him. If she could do it, so can I.
But before I can reach my car, by some miracle she catches up to me. Her arms wrap around me from behind and she pulls me to a stop. “I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have…”