“For two whole episodes?” River sasses back, pushing her nearly empty plate of pie away from her and crossing her arms over her chest, pouting at her boyfriend. “While I slept right next to you?”
“I said I was sorry and I got you pie this morning.”
“I don’t know, River—I think pie makes up for it. Plus, accidents happen.”
My mouth drops open. “Accidents happen, Coop? What happened to accidents don’t just happen accidentally?”
“That’s different.”
“How?!”
“Because you groped me.”
Dean and River both turn to me, their eyes wide with surprise.
I close my eyes, wishing again for the second time in less than twenty-four hours that a hole would open up and swallow me down to the pits of hell, because I’d much rather be there than sitting here with everyone staring at me.
I can feel Cooper laughing across from me, and like the mature adult I am, I kick at him under the table.
When I don’t make contact, I peel my eyes open and look underneath. The bastard is smart and must have known it was coming because he’s just out of reach.
He bends, meeting my angry stare.
“Sorry,” his mouth says, but his eyes say something else entirely.
I shake my head at him, pushing myself back upright.
“Um, Caroline,” River says calmly, amusement dancing in her eyes, “care to explain what your dimwitted best friend is going on about?”
“Hey!” Cooper says defensively. “Why am I in trouble?”
“Because I’m mad at Dean and men suck.”
“Sorry, man,” Dean says to Cooper.
“Stay out of this,” River barks at him before turning back to me. “What’s he going on about?”
“It’s nothing,” I say quietly.
“That doesn’t sound like nothing,” Dean pushes.
Another glare from River.
“I guess Caroline finally gave in to her sexual urges regarding me and just couldn’t stay away any longer.” Cooper tips himself back in his chair, smirking like he’s the funniest man in the world. “She caught me coming out of the shower, got a good look at my hot man chest, and couldn’t help herself.”
I curl my lip. “Nobody says hot man chest.”
“But am I wrong?” he counters, still grinning.
“Yes!”
“What really happened?” River asks.
I explain to her the events from last night, and she’s a good enough friend to not laugh until I finish telling the story.
Then she can’t stop laughing.
“It’s not that funny,” I grumble.
She gets her giggles under control, fanning her face. “It really is though.”
“She has a point,” Dean says, chuckling. “I mean, what are the odds of all that happening?”
“You two don’t even know what a klutz I am.”
“Especially when she gets all flustered. It’s awful. One time in college we were in the dining hall and some guy she’d been crushing on winked at her. She flipped out, sprung from the table, ran smack into some kid carrying a tray of spaghetti. She was apologizing like a maniac but in so much of a hurry to get out of there when she realized everyone was staring at her that she slid on the noodles and busted her ass in front of the whole cafeteria.”
Oh hell. I remember that. It was awful. Not just because I fell, but because I pulled a muscle in my back and my butt was bruised from the impact. I walked to all my classes with a limp for days.
I get so flustered and my heart gets to racing so hard my brain just short-circuits and chaos ensues. Last night won’t be the last time it happens, I’m sure.
“What’d you guys do after it happened?”
“Had wild, wild sex, of course.”
“Cooper!” I scold for what feels like the millionth time this morning. “Stop it! I feel like you’re just trying to embarrass me now.”
“Well, duh.” He shrugs, grinning. “That’s what best friends do.”
I actually love that he’s been teasing me about last night.
I think it helps pull the seriousness away from it. Makes me feel like it truly wasn’t such a catastrophic event, like we’re going to be just fine and things will be back to normal in no time.
“We just went to bed,” I tell them. “It’s not a big deal.”
I don’t miss the way River and Dean look at each other, their eyes saying something I can’t quite decipher but want to so badly.
Luckily, I’m saved from any other line of questioning by Darlene. She sets my cup of coffee down on the table and places a glass of water in front of Cooper.
“On the house,” she says sarcastically.
He tosses her a wink, taking a big gulp from his glass. “Thanks, beautiful.”
She shakes her head at him, waltzing away and muttering about him being an ass but a cute one.
When she’s far enough away, Cooper reaches over and snags my coffee from me, swapping it for his water, knowing intuitively I won’t want another cup today.
“So,” I say, pressing on and away from the subject of last night, “what are you two doing tonight?”
“Well, I’ll probably be groveling for at least the next three days, so we’ll likely be having—what was it, Coop?” Dean snaps his fingers. “Ah, yes. Wild, wild sex.”
River ignores him but also doesn’t bother denying it. “Why? What’s up?” Her eyes spark. “Are you going out with one of those guys from Dud or Stud?”
“Ew.” Dean wrinkles his nose. “You’re on that app? That place is a breeding ground for creeps.”
River pins him with a stare. “How would you know?”
“Nolan,” he says, referring to his best friend. “That horndog is on every dating app there is except that one. Even he won’t touch it.”
“First of all,” Cooper starts, folding his hands together and leaning across the table with accusatory eyes directed at me, “I want to know why River knew you were on Dud or Stud before I did.”
I lift a shoulder. “Because she helped me set my profile up.”
“You didn’t think I could help you set up your profile? I know you way better than she does.”
“Hey!”
“Besides, have you seen her dating history? It’s awful.”
“Double hey!” River says a little more sternly this time.
“No offense, Dean.”
He shakes his head. “None taken, man. I know she got lucky with me.”
“I hate you both.” River grabs for a packet of sugar and tosses one at her boyfriend.
He catches it with ease, then rips it open and swallows its contents.
“Ah, refreshing,” he says enthusiastically, running the back of his hand across his lips.
“I can’t believe I kiss you.”
“I can.” He winks.
He sends his girlfriend a grin, and the corners of her lips twitch before she groans, turning her attention away from him.
Cooper points to Dean, the disgust clear in his eyes. Other than getting an occasional chocolate chip cookie, he’s not a big sweets fan, so I’m sure watching Dean swallow a packet of pure sugar makes his stomach turn. “You trusted River with dating advice when the guy she’s dating just did that? Man am I glad I deleted that app from your phone and we’re going to go out the good old-fashioned way tonight to get you laid.”