She panted it all out, in time with the quick, deep thrusts he gave her now. His hand let loose of her hair so that he could grasp both sides of her hips with his fingers. The tips dug in, painfully, but it turned to pleasure in her brain as he drove harder, drove her into another wave of pulses that left her unable to think.
They clung together, still joined as they caught their breath. He finally slid up onto the bed, then pulled her up beside him. She was still lost in the bliss of being utterly satisfied, her eyes closed against anything that might make the sensation end. She needed that moment like she would need a drug; it was her drug now, given to her only by Matteo.
She curled into his side and listened to him as he began to snore softly. A smile spread over her face as she realized he’d fallen asleep quickly. Turning away, she pulled her left leg up to rest against the bed while her right leg stayed straight. Her legs felt restless, though, so she moved them around until she figured out nowhere was comfortable. It was one of the things keeping her up at night now, her legs just felt so very… restless.
She reached for a robe and slipped the long light green fleece over skin now covered in goosebumps. Even with the fires, the air was still cool if you weren’t clothed. Padding softly to the window, Marie opened the curtain just enough to look out. There was even more snow on the ground now, and it continued to fall. The floodlights lit up the night, which was supposed to help discourage the bear from coming back, or so Anton had told her.
She knew it was just to make sure they could see more of the area around the house. In the distance, she could see the dark line of trees that clung to the hills and mountains around here. Cedar, pine, and a few other kinds of trees populated the mountain the house was built on. Snow covered them all now, turned them into blobs that could be anything.
Marie wondered how many nights she’d spend like this, unable to sleep but so tired. Even when she made up for her lack of sleep with a nap, she felt tired the next day, like she’d never feel rested ever again. She knew it, she knew it in her bones, even without seeing a doctor - she was doomed.
A snuffle from the bed drew her attention and again she wondered if she should just run away. He didn’t deserve the hell that was coming. He didn’t deserve to sit and watch her wither away. Or spend all of his money trying to make her well again.
She turned back to the window, pain a tight vice around her heart. She didn’t want to leave him. He’d said only a few hours ago that she was his home. But he hadn’t seen the end stages of Parkinson’s disease. He didn’t know the shame of losing control of your own body, of how you became totally, completely dependent on someone to take care of you.
That frightened her, and she wasn’t sure she wanted to keep living if she made it to that point, if it became that bad for her. Her mother had even started to lose the ability to speak towards the end, to swallow. That was no way to live, was it?
For a moment, for a very brief moment, she understood some of her mother’s anger. She’d been helpless and that was one thing Ruby hated above everything. Marie hoped she didn’t turn out like that, but she knew it was unlikely. Her mother had been a terror before she became ill; she’d been mean and cruel before the first signs appeared.
No, she wouldn’t end up being an abusive bitch, but would she become depressed, unresponsive? Would she give up?
They were all questions she’d thought about a thousand times, but each night, when she couldn’t get to sleep, or back to sleep if she’d been asleep, they came back to haunt her. They made her question whether it was fair to stay with Matteo, to let him become even more attached to her.
Maybe she should just go away, disappear, but where would she go? All she had left was the house in Louisiana. Could she go back there? She missed the quiet of the house, the way the night sprang into life with the sounds of insects and animals on the prowl. The noise in New York, that constant noisy hum, was something she’d become accustomed to, but now that she’d thought about it, she thought maybe it was time to go home. Back to where life made sense.
Motion caught her attention and she became still, breath held, as she stared into the space where the light faded into darkness. Was it the bear, back to scratch its back and explore the place where the humans had invaded? She narrowed her eyes to try to focus in on the spot, but it didn’t happen again. It was probably just a raccoon then, she decided, and left the bedroom to make a cup of chamomile tea.
The tea soothed her but it never helped her get back to sleep. It was pleasant though, and she sipped at it while she flicked through a list of stories on different channels on YouTube. She’d found a few people that read out stories in a variety of genres, and she liked to listen to them when she needed to sleep. It was enough to distract her brain and help her get to sleep sometimes.
She’d grown up in a household where most technologies were something she saw on television or outside of the home. She’d had some things from school, but they’d never been hers, it was just stuff for school. After that, there’d been no money to pay for fancy smartphones or computers. Internet would have been another bill she would have had to pay, so she’d done without it.
Now, she was discovering there were things she could do that she could have never dreamed about doing. It was amazing, but right now, she just wanted to sleep. It would be nice to not have to walk around like a zombie, trying to function with zero energy.
She listened to the story as it played until everything faded into black. Sleep came at last, and when Anton gently draped a blanket over her, she didn’t feel it. She also wasn’t aware of how he stood guard at the windows, watching the darkness, because he’d seen that slight movement as well. He wasn’t certain it was trouble, but his job was to protect her now, for Matteo. He would not slack in his duty.
The poor woman had been through enough and he felt for her. He watched until the sun came up and Matteo came down to start breakfast. Anton held a finger to his lips when he spotted his boss, and Matteo nodded.
They both went into the kitchen and spoke softly.
“How long has she been down here?” Matteo asked, sleep still a hoarseness in his voice.
“All night, but she slept through it. I saw something outside, then heard her moving around, so I came down to watch over her.” The big man’s voice was quiet, gentle, as he watched his boss put the coffee on and take the bacon out of the fridge.
“Thanks, Anton. Go up and get some sleep, if you want. Or do you want to eat first?”
“I’ll eat, yeah. Then, I might get some sleep, thanks.”
When Marie woke up, it was to the smell of bacon and coffee. Stretching, she smiled. She’d slept all night and someone had put a blanket over her.
When she walked into the kitchen, she saw a tired-looking Anton and a rested Matteo. It must have been the big man that had put the blanket over her. She gave him a grateful nod and then hugged her husband. “Hi, there.”
He put a kiss on her forehead and squeezed her softly before he motioned to the table. “Get some coffee and have a seat. Food’s almost ready.”
With a clear head and a rested body, Marie watched her husband as he hummed along to the radio, cooking pancakes to go with the bacon. How could she change that bright and happy face to one of exhaustion and worry? It just wouldn’t be fair. She plastered on a smile and decided to wait. She had to think about this more, but for now, she couldn’t resist his happiness. Later, she decided. She’d think about it all again later.