“She was really tall,” Tasha said.
He laughed again. “No, she wasn’t.”
“She was to me,” she pointed out. “And she was smart. I... liked her.” Not a complete lie. She’d been green-dagger jealous of Rachel, for sure. She’d been fourteen when Thomas first started dating the grad student—fifteen when they broke up. But Rachel had always been incredibly patient and kind in the face of Tash’s surly teenaged death-wish petulance.
“She was special,” Thomas agreed. “When did you meet her?”
“You brought her to the Team cookouts at the Catalanottos’,” Tasha said.
“Right,” he said. “Right. Yeah, I had that temporary assignment as a BUD/S instructor, so I was around a lot that summer.”
“It was a good time to girlfriend up.” Tash knew from growing up with a close proximity to the Coronado Naval Base that many of the younger SEALs used the age-old excuse But we’re never in one place for very long to steer clear of romantic commitments. Yeah, right—their keep it casual prime-directive was always gallantly due to a deep desire to keep the other person from being hurt in the long run. Ahem. “But it was more than just that one summer, you and Rachel.” She finished with the ointment, and used a tissue to wipe the remainder from her hands as she moved to pack up the first-aid kit.
Thomas helped her. “That’s right. She came back to SolarCal in the spring, for her next work semester. I think we all went—”
“Bowling.” They said the word in unison as Tasha sat down across the L from him.
“It was Uncle Bobby’s birthday, so everyone was there,” she continued. “But then the Team got called in.” It happened right after Tash had gotten a strike—everyone had been cheering—she still remembered that night vividly. “You went to the base with Alan, so Mia took your truck and we drove Rachel home. She was... a little freaked out.”
Thomas shot her a You think? look as he nursed his beer. And yeah, that was a major understatement.
Rachel had been tremendously freaked out by the fact that the SEALs all just rushed away, heading into God-knows-what kind of danger. There was—because there always was—the possibility that they might not come back alive, and the reality of that shook her badly.
“I remember thinking how did someone so smart not understand,” Tasha said. “I mean, you’d been together for more than a year by then—she was dating a SEAL. What did she think that meant?”
“That was the first time I went wheels up while she was in town,” Thomas explained. “I think it was different, seeing it up-close. It wasn’t just me on the phone saying Hey, I gotta go. I’ll email if I can, like I was making a business trip to Sacramento. I remember her telling me, afterwards, how awful it seemed because y’all seemed so casual—all the families and girlfriends.”
“Well, that’s not true. It was normal-ish, sure,” Tash said. “It was expected, absolutely, but it was never casual. But making a fuss about it—making it about how we felt when our SEALs needed their heads in the game...? That was not okay. Geez, I knew that back when I was six. Don’t cry when Uncle Alan has to leave, because the last thing he needs is to be worrying about you. Just hug him hard and say I love you, and trust him to fight like hell to come back home.”
And Tasha also knew, even as a child, that she and Mia had it easier than the other SEALs’ families. Because even though her uncle traveled to some extremely dangerous places, an injury to his knee had permanently sidelined him, keeping him relatively safe back at the base or HQ, in a support role. That didn’t mean, however, that he couldn’t be killed by a roadside bomb or a terrorist attack.
Thomas was nodding, but then he shook his head. “Yeah, well, Rachel wasn’t from a military family.”
“So?” Tash said. “You lean on the families who’ve been there, done that, and you learn how to cope. Veronica Catalanotto wasn’t from a military family—until she married Uncle Joe.” It was essentially true for most of the SEALs’ girlfriends and wives—and boyfriends, hello Dave, don’t forget about Dave.
“Yeah, I know that, but...” Thomas said, but he shook his head no again, glancing at her as if he had more to say.
So she waited, picking up her peanut jar and rattling the last of her ration. Three. She was down to three. Her stomach growled.
“Not everyone can learn—not everyone wants to learn,” he finally told her. “And... it ended up being too much for her.”
“Oh, my God,” Tash realized, thinking back to that year. Yes, Thomas and Rachel had broken up not too long after that bowling party. And suddenly it all made sense. “Rachel broke up with you...?”
“Well, no, I mean, yes, but, we broke up. It was mutual. I had a choice...” His voice trailed off.
Tasha leaned in and put voice to his next unspoken word. “But...?” She trailed it out and made her voice go up.
“She wanted me to go to medical school, become a doctor.”
“What’s wrong with that? You absolutely should. You’d be a great doctor. Melvin agrees.”
“She wanted me to leave the Teams to do it,” he said.
“Oh, no,” Tash said. “Oh, Rachel, yikes.”
“Mmm-hmm,” he said. “I said, I’m sorry but I’m not ready to leave the Navy, she said, Okay, it was fun, but I’m going home, and she packed her things.”
“Whoa, really? Just like that?”
“Yeah. It was kinda surreal, because it happened so fast. I mean, one minute I thought everything was great—better than great—and the next, I’m driving her to the airport, and she’s telling me, Call me if you’re ever ready. It was... bad. I was blindsided and... really hurt. She knew I was a SEAL from the jump, and it seemed so harsh. I love you, except for that important job that you have that you love so passionately. I don’t love that, so now you have to change or I’m gone.”
“Wow,” Tash said. “I thought... I mean, everyone thought...”
“That I dumped her?” he said. “Oh, good.”
“By everyone, I really just mean Alan and Mia.”
“That’s supposed to make me feel better?”
“They wanted you to marry her. They were crushed when it didn’t work out.”
He laughed as he finished the last of his beer. “Uncle Navy was crushed.”
“Well, Mia was crushed, and Alan was supportive.”
“Ah,” he said. “That sounds about right.”
“As for me,” Tasha said, and he looked up from pouring himself another small handful of his peanuts—his eyes flashing his alarm. She smiled at him sweetly, because yeah, she was going there. “I was still convinced you were going to marry me. It seemed about the right time for Rachel and her smarty-pants to exit stage left. In my head, she wasn’t good enough for you—although she did have the tall thing down. It never occurred to me that she might’ve broken your heart, and I’m sorry I wasn’t more empathetic.”
He was clearly uncomfortable with where she’d taken the conversation, because he jumped on one of her details. “The tall thing?” he asked. “That’s the second time you’ve mentioned tall.”