He wouldn’t look up.
“Did you finally break?”
No response. He squinted at the pile of papers on his desk and continued punching at keys.
I let myself in and flopped into the chair in front of his desk, kicking my feet up onto the corner.
He cut his attention to my wet boots, then moved his focus to my face. “Do you mind? You’ll get everything wet.”
I dropped my feet again and sat forward. “What’s gotten into you?”
Denver tapped away at his computer again. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Bullshit. Was it all a joke? Are you trying to get a rise out of me?”
He worked his jaw, the intensity of his concentration making his already dark eyes darker. “Not a joke. I’m very serious.”
I parsed through our conversation from earlier. “Did you really fuck my son?”
“Yup. Twice.”
I cringed. “Why?”
He pursed his lips, typed more, cracked his knuckles, then sat back and pinned me with a glare full of animosity. “Because I wanted to, and he was offering.”
“So, not because he looks like me and acts like me and is basically a fucking replica of everything I was at twenty years old?”
“So you’ve noticed.”
“Why do you think I want him to join the military? Why do you think I’ve been pushing school? He is exactly like me, Den. It’s fucking terrifying. Shianne sees it too, and she fucking hates him because of it. He’s out of control, and if he doesn’t do something productive, he’s going to be forty years old, raising a barn full of kids, riding on social assistance, or playing bouncer in a strip club like his old man. Do you think that’s what I want for him?”
“He’s young.”
“He’s an idiot.”
“He’s adventurous.”
“He’s not thinking straight.”
“He took me out of this prison where I’ve been living since the day Shianne told you she was pregnant. You’re the only person who has ever been able to do that for me, Harley.”
I scrubbed my face, groaning. “Denver.”
“No. Don’t lecture me. Don’t tell me I’m wrong or that I’ve done this to myself. You know me better than anyone else. Tell me something.”
I lifted my head from my hands. Denver hadn’t taken his eyes off me.
“Why was it up to me to come back to you after Shianne left? Why didn’t you come to me? You knew I’d take you back in a heartbeat, but you never came. She left five fucking years ago, Harley.”
I sighed. “That’s exactly why I didn’t. Because you would never have told me no.”
“So? Why should I?”
“Because what we had was corrupt and wrong, and you never let me forget it back then.”
“I got over it real fast, and you know it.”
“We were kids. I didn’t want to influence you again. If you wanted to resume what we had, then the decision had to be yours. I know what you’re like. You’d do anything to make me happy, even if you weren’t a hundred percent on board.”
“So you don’t want it? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Wrong.” I slid forward on my chair and held his gaze. “You’re dead wrong. I never wanted it to end. I haven’t let go of what we shared for twenty fucking years. Like I told you on the phone. Say the word, and I’ll be in your bed again. I don’t have to think about it. Not a day goes by that I haven’t regretted letting us go.”
“You had to. There wasn’t a choice.”
My heart felt heavy with a two-decade-old ache that had never left. “I know, and as much as Edison makes me want to strangle him most days, I wouldn’t wish him gone.”
For a long time, we stared at one another. I couldn’t read Denver’s mind, and I didn’t know what he was thinking, but I had many questions I wasn’t sure how to voice. They all had to do with our earlier conversation. It was starting to feel like it had never happened, and I’d dreamed it all.
I shuffled my chair closer, closing our distance as much as his bulky desk would allow. There wasn’t anyone around, but I lowered my voice. The moment felt delicate.
“What do you want, Denver?” I reached for his hand, holding it tight and keeping his focus where I wanted it.
He glanced down at our connection. “You know what I want. I made myself clear.”
I laughed and tugged my hand free, falling back on my chair. “Come on. Be serious.”
The look that followed my remark held no humor. “I’ve never been more serious in my life.”
“He’s my son. Have you lost your mind?”
“You’re my brother. I lost it years ago at Ramon’s party when I sucked your cock for the first time in front of an audience.”
Denver’s gaze didn’t waver. He was dead serious. There was no swaying him. It wasn’t often I saw my brother with this kind of intense determination in his eyes.
“He’s a kid.”
“He’s the same age we were.” Denver wet his lips. “And he’s got a rebellious streak, just like his father. He has no fucks to give. He didn’t care I was his uncle.”
“He’ll damn well care that I’m his father. There is no fucking way he’ll agree to this.”
“He will.”
I shoved out of my chair and paced the room. “He’s my son, Denver. I can’t just… No. I’m not even considering this.”
Denver turned back to his computer. “That’s fine.”
He resumed checking his papers, typing, and ignoring me like we hadn’t just been discussing some sort of fucked-up three-way with my brother and son.
For a split second, I drew up all I could remember of the previous evening, convinced I might have dabbled in drugs at some point and was suffering the residual effects. It was rare I indulged in anything hardcore anymore. Alcohol was enough. Hell, hangovers were harder and harder to get over as the years ticked by.
I stared at my brother.
Logic told me to walk out the door and forget this whole mess. I wasn’t that rebellious kid anymore. Fucking around with Denver was nothing more than a fantasy that I couldn’t and shouldn’t make real.
But I didn’t know how to shut off twenty years of yearning and longing. Fifteen of those years had been spent in a loveless marriage. The past five had been spent bed-hopping. I’d never again found what I’d had with Denver. The search was futile.
Was it possible for a person’s soulmate to be cut from the same DNA?
I rounded the desk and swiveled Denver’s office chair until he faced me, tearing him away from his obnoxious work.
What I didn’t expect was to be met with a challenge, but that was exactly what was in the look he returned to me.
I braced myself on the arms of his chair and bent until we were face to face, forehead to forehead. “Let this stupid notion go. Send Edison to Vanya’s or tell him to go to his mother’s. Fuck, tell him to go and enlist because god knows he won’t listen to me. I can be back in your bed the minute I’m done with work tonight. We can have it all again. You and me.”
I moved a hand to his lap, massaging his dick through his pants. “We can have this all back. Better than before.”