Everything was going well until Sister Catherine told me I was to be an alter server at church on Sunday mornings. Not something I wanted to do. Not now. Not ever. I don’t like having everyone look at me and I’m not sure I even believe everything these folks are telling me. Grandma and Grandpa didn’t go to church and I’m fairly certain Mama didn’t either. But, I had no choice. So, I did.
It didn’t take awfully long to become Father Gabriel’s favorite server. Probably cause I’m quiet and do what I’m told. After every service he always thanks me and tells me what a good girl I am. He’s nice, but he smells funny, like that smokey stuff they use in church.
But, two Sundays ago it changed, which brings me to the start of bad thing number three. Father Gabriel gave me a ride back to St. Mary’s instead of Sister Catherine. She didn’t seem surprised, so I guess it’s normal. But, it made those little hairs, you know the ones you have on the back of your neck? Well, it made mine stand clean up. Nothing happened, he dropped me off at the front door and drove away.
Last Sunday I decided to not wear a dress or shorts or nothing like that. I wore my long pants. I don’t know why I was nervous but, I was. I wish I had someone to talk to about it, but I don’t. The other girls would probably laugh at me. Since they’re older Sister Catherine doesn’t make them do this alter duty stuff.
After church he didn’t take me straight home, he took me out for ice cream. I love ice cream. Strawberry is my favorite. Part of me wondered if Father Gabriel was going to want something from me since he paid for my treat. Evidently he didn’t because we just ate our cones and then he dropped me off in front of the doors just like last time.
“Jesse, Father Gabrielle is here. Get your shoes on, he is waiting for you downstairs,” Sister Catherine calls from the other side of the door. Sandra gives me a funny look. It’s Tuesday. Why is he here on a Tuesday? I shrug my shoulders and do as I’m told.
“Jesse,” Father Gabrielle greets me as I head down the stairs. “Do you like pizza? I’m having a few servers over as a way of saying thank you for all of your hard work.” He places his hand on my shoulder not even waiting for my answer and quickly ushers me out of the house.
As we are walking to his car I see a boy a few years older than me sitting in the front seat. I usually sit in the front, but I don’t mind. “Jesse, this is William.”
The boy nods to me and I do the same. He looks as nervous as I feel. “Do you live here?” he asks as Father Gabriel makes his way around the car.
I nod at him with big, terrified eyes. Something feels really, really wrong. He smiles at me kindly, and it helps calm my nerves a little bit. His eyes are brown like chocolate bars, and they match his hair. “I live at the boy’s campus on the other side of town,” he tells me. He smiles again, and I notice his dimples. He’s cute and he seems like a nice boy. At least I’m not alone with Father Gabriel so there’s that.
When we get to Father Gabriel’s house I smell the pizza. It smells so good it makes my mouth water. I thought there would be more people here but it’s just the three of us. William and I dig in filling our plates full.
“You two are my favorite,” Father says as he sets two glasses in front of us. “How about we celebrate. Do you know how adults celebrate?”
We both shake our heads no, unable to answer with our mouths full.
He laughs. “Why with a little wine, of course.” He fills our glasses, watching us out the corner of his eye. “But, you won’t tell the Sisters will you? They wouldn’t be happy with me for treating you both like adults.”
I’ve never had wine, but it does smell good. William gives me a funny look, but he picks his up and gulps the entire thing down. Father fills his glass again. Hesitantly I pick up mine and take a sip. Wow, it’s…I don’t know it’s strong like grape juice, but I guess it isn’t terrible. Father places his finger on the bottom of my cup encouraging me to finish the rest. I don’t want to look like a wimp, so I do.
He pours me another glass and then excuses himself, telling us he is going to change into something more comfortable. William finishes his second glass of wine while I watch. He looks at me. “Drink your wine, Jesse. It will help,” he tells me.
“Help what?” I ask. My head feels funny and I start to giggle.
He looks sad. “Just do it, okay?”
I nod and swallow down the rest of my wine.
“I’m sorry if he makes me touch you.”
I blink at him. What does he mean? I’m full, dizzy and I want to go home. I try to stand but fall back into my chair. William holds my hand in his. “Promise me you won’t hate me after this?” he whispers right before Father Gabriel comes back into the room.
I didn’t have time to answer him. I wish I would have had time to promise him that I would never hate him. He was the first boy I ever kissed, and he kissed me like I was the prettiest girl in the world. I could never be mean to him, but I don’t think the scary man would want me to be mean to William for touching what was mine.
No. Not to William. I could never be mean to him.
The following Sunday William and I are both serving. He looks at me nervously but when I offer him a smile he appears relieved. He smiles back. Father Gabriel even smiles when he sees us both smiling at each other. We were all so busy smiling that he didn’t even notice that I dropped my candle right at his feet until it caught his perfectly white robe on fire.
One thing I learned that day is that Father Gabriel screams like a little girl, just like Rick. Maybe it’s a prick thing. Who knows?
The good news is that William and I will be friends forever.
The bad news is I had to leave behind all the candy I had stashed under the floorboards at Saint Mary’s home for troubled girls.
Chapter Four
Jesse ~ Fourteen years old
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I’ve been saving all the money I have so that I can go and get all my secrets tattooed onto my skin just like Grandpa. That way I can take them to my grave. There’s a tattoo shop nine blocks from Aunt Renee’s. I wanted to go inside the first day I found it but, I didn’t want to go empty handed.
Aunt Renee lives in Trap County. There isn’t really a town here it’s just Trap County. A place where folks come to get away from the law. Don’t get me wrong, there’s law here but with a little green, said law looks away. It’s a dusty, dirty place smack dab between Reno and Vegas.
Anyhow, I’ve been here two years and I like it. Everyone pretty much minds their own business. Everyone but me. I pay attention to everything. I’m going to rule this place someday. I’m tired of the suit lady moving me around. I haven’t seen her since I set Gabriel on fire, but I know she’ll move me again if I’m mean. I try not to be mean, but I have to protect what’s mine.
Things are good here…so far. I know good things don’t last but, maybe this time will be different. Aunt Renee pretty much ignores me. I don’t mind. I have plenty of things to do here. I spend most of my time painting pictures on anything I can get away with. Mostly nice pictures, except one time I painted a troll on the side of Tina DeAngelo’s house because she was mean to Ian Cain. Ian is in a wheelchair and Tina was downright rude to him, calling him names I would rather not repeat.