“Oh, come on,” Jordan said, interrupting. “We all saw how you looked at her, Tom.”
“No, I mean it’s more than that,” I said, sighing. What the hell. If anyone wouldn’t judge me, it would be them. “We slept together. A couple of times.”
“Bravo!” Jordan said, holding his empty shot glass in the air and suddenly looking around. “Waitress? Waitress, I have another celebration I need a drink for.”
“She has a name, you know,” Tyler said, elbowing Jordan in the rib.
“I am so sorry, what’s your name?” Jordan said as she approached.
“Carla,” she said.
“Carla, can I have another shot please?” Jordan asked, turning on the charm. She smiled and turned on her heel, rushing back to the bar.
“It’s not worth the celebration,” I said miserably.
“Why?” Jordan asked, his eyes following the drink as it made its way above people’s heads and back to him.
“Because he told me they were just business. Nothing personal. Right in front of her,” Mason said, the silliness and jovialness gone.
“That,” I said, pointing to Mason.
“Ah, fuck,” Matt said.
“Well, how do you feel about her?” Tyler asked, adding more beer to my mug.
“I’ll be honest, I am terrified out of my mind. She’s the first woman I have ever felt something even resembling something real for. Whatever was going on between us when she was here with me, it was more than sleeping together or just dating.”
“Sounds like you’re in love,” Mason said. A general head-bobbing from around the table meant the rest of them agreed.
“Well, fuck,” I said.
“Another one bites the dust,” Jordan said, slamming back the shot and placing the empty glass on the table. Carla, who hadn’t gone far, came back up to grab it, and Jordan motioned that he wanted one more.
“Well, mad or not, in a different city or not, my brother being in love is worthy of a glass of something,” Matt said.
“What if she breaks up with him and never talks to him again?” Mason asked.
“Ouch, man, he’s sitting right here,” Tyler said, pointing to me.
“And I have ears. I can hear you. All of you,” I said.
“Then we mourn his loss with a drink,” Matt said.
“Fair enough,” Tyler said. Reluctantly, I raised my glass, shook it, and downed it in one long pull.
“So, now what?” I asked.
“You go back to San Francisco,” Jordan said from the other side of the table. “You go back home, spend a couple of days getting things sorted, and get her back.”
A murmur of agreement from around the table had them all look back at me.
“I don’t even know if she’ll see me,” I said.
“Has she quit her job yet?” Mason asked.
“Well, no, not yet,” I said.
Mason looked at me blankly. He blinked a few times, and I looked around the table to see all the other brothers giving me the same expectant but blank expression.
“What?” I said, exasperated.
“If she hasn’t quit yet,” Mason said, “then you know where to find her.”
28
Amanda
It took a few days, but I was finding my flow again. My routine was back to the way it used to be before I left San Francisco, and during the day when I could convince myself I had put everything behind me and was back to normal life. I just did my best not to acknowledge the thoughts that came up during the other times of day.
My usual early morning start was back to feeling natural, and I had fallen back into my pattern of carefully detailed to-do lists and highly focused productivity during the day. While I didn’t like to dwell on it, a couple of times I noticed I got even more work done now that I was in the office and didn’t have Tom in his office just a few steps away to distract me.
It was the first time that I really allowed myself to acknowledge how much he had influenced me even before we went to Oregon. I always recognized he was friendly and fun to be around. But I stopped myself short of acknowledging that we were good friends, or that we could have any sort of connection or relationship outside of the office.
It was unprofessional. It would be irresponsible and potentially damage work together to keep his company going.
Those were all thoughts of a version of me who didn’t know how incredible things could be if I let down my guard and explored what else could exist between us. But that version also didn’t know how painful and disillusioning it could be to lose that connection as well.
“Amanda?”
It was Tom’s voice. My head snapped up, and I stared at him coming through the door into the office. What the hell?
“Can we talk?” Tom asked.
“What are you doing here?” I asked. “Why aren’t you in Astoria?”
He glanced around. “Because I’m here.
“I need to talk with you,” he said.
I turned back to the email responses I was typing, flicking my eyes between the screen and the calendar beside me to make sure I was keeping up the schedule properly. “Right now isn’t a very good time. I am very busy with work. Landon did a fine job, but there were a lot of things that needed to be put back together, and I’m still catching up and fixing a few things.”
“That’s fine,” he said. “We’ll talk at lunch.”
“I can’t,” I said almost before the sentence was all the way out of his mouth. “I mean, I’m too busy to take a lunch today.”
“That’s not acceptable,” he said.
I looked at him in shock. “Excuse me?”
Tom shrugged. “Legally, you have to take a lunch break. It’s a requirement. I’m just stating facts.”
A hint of a smile teased at his lips like he was trying to break the ice between us and find some common ground again. It only made me feel worse. I didn’t want him to be adorable and charming. I didn’t want him to be sexy and fun. I didn’t want him to be there.
“Then I’m taking my lunch at my desk,” I said.
“Amanda, we need to talk. You have to take a lunch. We’ll do them at the same time,” he said.
One of our coworkers walked past, and I met eyes with her as she took very specific note of how Tom was leaned against my desk talking to me. Unsurprisingly, there were rumors waiting for me when I got back to the office. It was to be expected. After all, we were both gone for so long, and I’d made a very sudden return. It was the stuff water-cooler dreams were made out of.
I had been very careful to steer clear of those rumors and not entertain any questions or leading comments. This confrontation with Tom wasn’t doing great things for perpetuating that. I let out a reluctant sigh.
“Fine,” I said. “We’ll go to lunch and talk.”
“Good,” Tom said. “I’m going to go into my office and do some work. I’ll meet you out here in a couple of hours.”
“I think we should go separately,” I said. “I’ll meet you at the diner.”
He looked a little stung by the statement but didn’t argue. With a nod, he turned and headed into his office.