The man at the next station over gives a puff of a laugh, his full chest rising as he shakes his head.
"Madd’s got commitment issues for days," he says, turning his crystalline blue focus back to his client and filling in a geometric pattern with ink the color of midnight.
The sturdy-shouldered man in his chair doesn't so much as flinch as the needle pricks his skin. He just keeps scrolling his thumb along his phone like it doesn't feel like a thousand tiny kittens are scratching his flesh.
“Can’t commit to a woman, a car, or a tat,” the artist adds.
"Fuck off, Pierce." Madden returns a gloved hand to my ribcage and starts the machine once more. A moment later, the needle peppers tiny specks of ink into my skin. Every so often, he wipes the area clean and starts again. "About half done."
He said it would only hurt a little, and that it wouldn't take long, but the past eight minutes have all but dripped by, like morphine into saline, tiny drop by tiny drop.
"Seriously though, why don't you have any?" I ask.
I'm not letting this go because it's a valid question given his profession as both an artist and the sole proprietor of this shop.
Plus, I’m curious.
And I need a distraction to get me through the rest of this. The front of the shop is covered in wall to wall “flash.” Drawings and renderings. Hundreds if not thousands of them. Back here the walls are less interesting. There are certificates. State licenses. A few framed photos. And a privacy curtain.
I don’t expect some lengthy, personal response. I’ve spent maybe a half hour with this man and he’s said all of fifty words to me. A simple answer would suffice.
The needle drags against my ribcage and his mouth flattens into a hard line. "Guess I haven't found the right one yet."
I don't buy it. And I’m pretty sure he’s giving me an answer just to shut me up, but it's not like I can call him a liar. I don’t even know him.
“It’s ink, bro. Not a woman.” The artist at the next chair—Pierce—says without so much as glancing in our direction.
“No fucking shit, bro,” Madden snaps back at him, and I can’t tell if he’s joking or not. His expression hasn’t changed since the moment I first laid eyes on him.
I lift my gaze to a hand-written sign across the room, hanging behind the cash register.
* * *
NO INFINITY SYMBOLS
NO TRAMP STAMPS
NO TRIBALS
NO CHINESE SYMBOLS
* * *
The distractingly pretty, lavender-haired girl working the front snaps her gum as she hunches over the glass counter, her face colored with boredom as she thumbs through her phone. The shop isn't as busy as I thought it would be, but then again, it's the middle of the day on a Wednesday. It’s not exactly peak hours around here.
"I think you're going to like this." He wipes a damp rag across my stinging flesh, his inky brown eyes resting on his work. Madden sniffs, though it isn’t quite a laugh. “Shit. You better. It’s forever.”
He looked at me sideways when I told him I wanted him to choose the design. I didn't come prepared. I didn't bring screenshots or Pinterest pins or any other kind of inspiration. To be perfectly honest, this isn't about the tattoo so much as it is about getting the tattoo.
"I trust you," I told him as his dark brows knitted together, and then I added, "I just want it somewhere hidden."
A moment later, I was handed a clipboard and a small stack of forms to complete, trying my hardest to steady my breathing as he prepped his station.
When he brought me back, Madden suggested the side of my ribcage, in an area easily hidden by bras and bikini tops, and he didn't once ask me why I'd take the time to have this done if I wasn't going to show it to anyone. His one and only caveat was that I never ask him what it means.
Ever.
He was adamant.
“Not even on your deathbed,” he said. One of his colleagues overheard him and called him a “heartless bastard,” offering a laugh that was more amusement than anything else, and for a split moment, I felt like the butt of some inside joke.
And then I wondered if he was gaslighting me. I know what people see when they look at me.
Privileged.
Naive.
Innocent.
Gullible.
Easily had.
"Still doing all right?" he asks, not glancing up.
I nod even if he isn’t looking at me right now. "Yes."
The muscles of his forearm flex as his left palm splays across my skin. A moment later, our fingers brush when he pushes the fallen hem of my top out of the way.
In the strangest way, this feels like a dream.
The icy-cold air on my bare flesh …
The sterile scent of alcohol wipes and powdered gloves …
The vibrating sting of the needle against my skin …
The heavy metal playing on speakers in the back …
The shaved heads, “sleeved” arms, Harleys parked out front, and the girls in half-shirts and mini-skirts all work together to form an ambience foreign to any I’ve ever known …
I try not to stare too much, but this must be what Alice felt like when she first arrived in Wonderland.
“There.” Madden shuts off the machine when he’s finished, and then he cleans the tattoo one more time before dabbing on a finger-sized scoop of ointment.
“Can I see it first?” I ask when he reaches for a bandage.
He stops, turning to face me, his shoulders slumping like I’m asking the world of him. “Right. Go ahead.”
Sitting up, I contort myself until I can almost see the beginning of a black and blue outline against warm pink skin.
“Here.” Madden shoves a handheld mirror toward me.
It’s a butterfly. Small. Not much bigger than a silver dollar. Brilliant blue with black veining.
“You done now? We good?”
I place the mirror aside and let him patch me up. Tattoos are flesh wounds, I know that. And I’ve already read up on the aftercare. I say nothing as he hands me a set of instructions printed on yellow paper.
Madden cleans up his station before yanking off his gloves and tossing them in the trash. “Missy will check you out up front.”
“Oh.” I’m not sure why I expected him to walk me up. He’s not a hairstylist or aesthetician. People don’t come here because of the service.
Sliding off the client bed, I tug my shirt into place and locate my bag. My skin throbs from beneath the bandage, but it’s tolerable and not as bad as I expected.
“Thank you,” I say, turning to him before I make my way to the front. My gaze falls to his right hand for some reason—as if my subconscious was expecting a freaking handshake—and he definitely notices.
Awkward.
I can’t get out of there fast enough, and as I trot to the front in my pink Chanel flats, I’m not sure if all eyes are actually on me or if I’m imagining it. I’m sure to them, I’m an alien—a strange sight. I even heard one of them say, “They don’t make ‘em like that in Olwine,” when I first arrived.
If they only knew how much I’d rather be like them than like … me.
I envy their freedom more than they could ever know.