“That’s all I needed to know,” he says a few seconds later. “Goodbye, Love.”
Before I have a chance to say anything, he’s already halfway down the hall. I don’t stick around to watch him step into the elevator. Instead, I return inside and lock the door, resting my back against it when I realize my chest is so tight it hurts to breathe.
It’s over now, this time for good, but I thought it would feel different. I thought I’d feel lighter. Instead, there’s this gnawing emptiness, like a vacant cavity where my heart should be. All that hurt and animosity has taken a back burner.
Rushing to the living room window, I press my fingers on the glass and watch for him to come out from beneath the awning.
A minute passes, then another, and eventually five.
He should’ve left the building by now.
I’m not sure how he got in here in the first place, given the fact that he claimed to be blacklisted, but maybe someone noticed him? Or maybe he had to sneak out through the courtyard exit?
Either way, he’s gone, and still, I can’t bring myself to step away from the window on the off chance I might see him one more last time.
My hands tremble and my mind grows loud, recalling all the things Lo said, the things Cameo shared with me, the forlorn look in Jude’s eyes every time he’s apologized to me. When he told me last night that he misses me every day, that he thinks about me all the time, I didn’t let those words soak in then, but I close my eyes and hear them all over again.
And when I finally accept that I feel the same way, I find the answer I’ve been searching for this entire time: I can hate what he did, but I don’t have to hate him.
I know, now, what I need to do.
Fifty
Jude
* * *
Love’s quarter is sandwiched between my thumb and forefinger, the metal still warm from my pocket. Sitting at a park bench by the fountain, I watch the water spill over the top of the marble umbrella, and I take in the view of the smiling, rain-drenched couple one last time.
I came here for an answer, and that’s exactly what she gave me.
It’s time to let her go. And honestly? She was never mine to have in the first place.
Rising, I make my way to closer to the rippling waters and lift my hand. With a quick snap of a wrist, I let it go, watching as it lands with a gentle plunk before sinking to the bottom with all the others.
“What’d you wish for?” A woman’s voice asks from behind.
Turning, I find Love standing next to the bench where I first found her.
“Nothing,” I say.
Tucking a strand of yellow hair behind her ear, she takes a step closer. “So you were just … throwing money into a fountain … for no reason?”
I can’t take my eyes off her, glued to her every move, every twitch of her lips and every flick of her hazel eyes.
“Basically,” I say, my gaze dropping to her right hand, where I realize she’s worrying her thumb against something small and shiny. “What is this? What are we doing?”
She closes the space between us, her sweet perfume trailing into my lungs. I let it linger as I resist the urge to cup her fair cheek in my hand and have my way with her pillowed lips all over again.
“When I was with you,” she says, “I felt like I could finally be myself for the first time in my life. And it was liberating. Freedom like I’d never known. And on top of that? You made me feel smart and sexy and pretty and funny and all the things I’ve always wanted to feel. Every day with you was better than the one before. So easy. So natural. I’d fall asleep with butterflies in my stomach and wake up with a smile on my face. But the you hurt me.” Her gaze falls to the coin in her hands. “More than anyone has ever hurt me.” Drawing in a hard breath, her golden stare snaps onto mine. “But I didn’t come down here to lecture you.”
“Then why’d you come?”
Love flattens her palm, lifting it higher to show me the quarter. “I came down here to make a wish.”
“Says the girl who doesn’t believe in wishes.”
She rolls her eyes, biting back a smirk. “I know.”
“Don’t let me stop you.” I move out of the way, ensuring her path to the fountain is unobstructed.
Love readies her toss, focused ahead, but she stops, turning back to me. “Before I do this, I just wanted to tell you … when I said I loved you, I didn’t mean it … then. But before that? Before everything came crashing down? I knew it was coming. I was standing on that ledge, a single push away from falling.”
Her eyes close, wincing for a moment.
“I wish I could hate you, Jude,” she says. “I wish I could tell myself that I never want to see you again and actually believe it. But the truth is, I think about you every day. And maybe I shouldn’t, but I do, and I think about what you said, what your sister said, what my sister said … and that’s why I feel like … maybe … maybe we could try this again?”
Her words, as unexpected as they are, bring an instant fullness where the void in my chest used to be.
Moving closer, I cup her cheek, the way I’ve been dying to do every time I’ve seen her, but the second I remember the NDA, celebrating feels premature.
“You know if Hunter sees us together …” I say, not wanting to finish my thought.
“I can call my lawyer first thing Monday so we can work on filing charges and voiding your contract.” Love bites her lip for a moment, and I wonder if she feels the charge between us the same way I do. “If you want to fight this, that is …”
Fighting this is the only way we can be together without the past lingering over us like a dark cloud, without the threat of Hunter lurking around the corner waiting to make a mess of the shattered remnants before we have a chance to glue all the pieces back together.
Sliding my palm along her jaw, until my fingers are buried in her hair, I lower my mouth to hers.
“Like hell,” I say. “We’ll fight like hell.”
Grazing my lips against hers, I taste her mouth, slow and lingering, before stealing a kiss. A moment later, I slide my hands to her waist, hooking around the small of her back and pressing her against me. Love sighs before she melts in my arms, and our tongues dance to the sound of the trickling fountain that started it all.
“You have no idea how happy you’ve made me,” I whisper into her ear before pressing kisses down the side of her neck.
There are a hundred other ways I want to show her my appreciation, but none of them are exactly courtyard appropriate.
As if she’s reading my mind, Love slips away, tucking her hand into mine, and leading me back inside The Jasper. A woman with a small dog in a designer bag waits by the elevator, sunglasses covering her eyes and her nose lifted in the air. It takes all the strength I have to restrain myself, but somehow, I manage. When the lady climbs out on the fourth floor, Love and I find ourselves alone, and the moment the elevator doors close, she’s all mine again.
Pulling her close, I slide my hands down her thighs and lift her into my arms. Her legs wrap around my hips as she cups my face, her mouth twisted at the sides and red from my kiss. Within seconds, we arrive on her floor, but I don’t let her go.