She hooked a hand around my neck and shut me up with a kiss. “It’s perfect.”
“I did okay?” I hadn’t gotten a lot right lately. It felt nice to have another win.
“Better than that.” She licked her lower lip. “This is what you were up to?”
“Mostly.” I shrugged. Christmas didn’t seem like the time to bring up the other subjects occupying my mind. “You know, beautiful, you could put on one helluva fashion show here.”
“You want me to play dress up for you?”
“It’s one of my favorite games,” I reminded her. “Do you remember the first time?”
“At Harrods?” She lifted her brow. “A girl doesn’t forget a shopping trip like that. Got plans on New Year’s?”
“Are we having a party?” I asked.
“I think I could arrange a private viewing of our collection—to start the year out right,” she added innocently.
“Naturally.” I took a step closer, hooking my index finger in the waistband of her pants. “I’ll be honest my favorite item in your office is that big conference table.”
“Why’s that, Mr. Price?”
“Because, ever since I placed the order, I’ve been picturing fucking you on it six ways to Sunday.”
“Only six ways?” she asked.
I loved it when she challenged me. I scooped her off her feet, our mouths colliding together, as I carried her back into the office. When we reached the conference table, I lowered her to the ground.
“We need to hurry,” she said, panting, as she fumbled to unbuckle my jeans.
There would be time later to explore all the spectacular potential of the table’s smooth marble top. For now, I had to agree. Christmas was only just beginning. I spun her away from me and yanked her pants down, bending her over the table.
I ran a finger down her ass. “It’s been a long time since I fucked you like this, beautiful. Next time…” I pressed my thumb against the tight pink pucker and she groaned, her hands splaying as she trembled.
Pulling my cock free, I pressed it against her slick seam until it popped past her tight folds and found its home. My thumb pressed farther as I pistoned inside her, and she cried out.
“Who does this pussy belong to?” I demanded.
“You, sir.”
“And this ass?”
“You, sir.”
I caught her hair with my free hand and yanked her up, kissing her roughly as I continued to fuck her with my finger inside her tight ass. My lips coasted to her jawline over to her ear. “And who do you belong to, beautiful?”
“You, sir. Forever,” she whispered. “All of me belongs to you.”
Her words released me and I groaned as I spilled inside her. She clenched around my dick and my thumb, her whole body shaking as she came. I wrapped an arm around her waist, holding her against me until we’d both gone completely still.
“I love you,” I murmured. “I don’t want to let you go.”
She twisted her neck, her hair still tangled in my fist. Her eyes were bright and so alive. “Then don’t.”
26
Belle
Something was wrong. I knew it the first time I tried to nurse Penny the day after Christmas. I remembered what the nurse at the clinic had said. She was right. Overnight my happy two month-old had become a tyrant. Every time I put her to the breast, she screamed. Smith took turns with me, trying to calm her. The magic of the season seemed to be officially over.
“Can you give her a bottle?” Edward suggested gently after two hours of nonstop screaming.
“I’ll have to pump.” I heaved myself up from the chair I’d collapsed into after Smith had taken for his turn at attempting to calm our little beast. It took me a few minutes to find it. I hadn’t even unpacked it, since I’d never needed to give her a bottle. With Edward’s help, I managed to get it up and running. But half an hour later, barely anything had come out.
Smith appeared in the door of the nursery, Penny sobbing in his arms. She was hungry, and I couldn’t feed her. After everything I’d done, it hadn’t been enough.
“I think my milk is gone,” I said in a hollow voice. I didn’t understand. Doctor Stanton had told me to feed her more and drink the tea. I was due to go in for a follow-up weight check this week, but I already knew that he would tell me. “She needs formula.”
Smith walked over and placed a strong hand on my shoulder. “I’m sorry, beautiful. Why don’t I run to town and get some? Maybe you need to drink more of that tea?”
I shrugged, swallowing hard. Terrible thoughts screamed in my head drowning out Penny’s wails. Every time I was happy—even for a moment—I was punished. This was my fault. I’d been distracted. I’d spent too much time away from the baby. I hadn’t drank enough of the sodding tea. I wasn’t enough. No matter how hard I tried.
“My turn,” Edward held out his hands. “Go take a minute. She’ll be fine.”
But she wouldn’t be. Not until Smith returned with food. It was her most basic need and I couldn’t provide it. I walked out of the room not really knowing where I was going. I’d woken to feed Penny and this had started. We were all still in robes and pajamas. Smith followed me in and changed.
“Are you going to be okay?” he asked, giving me a worried look. “Maybe you should come with me.”
I shook my head. “I’m going to take a shower, grab my medication, and get cleaned up.”
“I won’t be gone long,” he promised.
He kissed me goodbye and I retreated to the comfort of my monotonous routine. At least, I still knew how to wash my hair and get dressed. When I emerged from the shower, I wiped steam from the mirror. Yesterday, I was sure I saw myself there staring back at me. Today, she seemed like a stranger. What was happening to me? I picked up the pill bottle, checking the label so I didn’t grab the wrong one. Part of me was tempted to take a sleeping pill anyway and claim it was an accident. I could wake up tomorrow and this would be over, but that wasn’t going to help me or my baby.
Smith was right. We would get through this. A shrill scream punctuated the air and I closed my eyes before I left to do what I could to soothe my daughter, knowing it would never be enough.
27
Smith
The pharmacy was just opening when I pulled the Range Rover into the parking spot in front. I’d paused long enough at home to grab the tea Belle had been drinking. It was a longshot, but I’d seen the heartbreak on her face when she couldn’t nurse Penny. She’d come so far in the last few weeks. I wouldn’t let her give up without a fight. Not when she was so close to finding herself again. We could do more. I could do more.
A bell tinkled as I opened the door and stepped inside. Behind the far counter, a woman looked up in surprise from the register.
“Early start,” she said by way of greeting.
“Baby formula,” I said, looking around. “It’s a bit of an emergency actually.”
She circled the counter quickly, leading me to the small cache of infant supplies in the shop. “What kind?”