“Amy,” I said softly, but she ignored me again. Her eyes found Cade, standing across from us, arms crossed, face still blank.
“What have you done about this? Are you going to make sure this isn’t going to happen again? If you don’t, I’m calling my father and he’s going to send his jet to come and take us away to an island far away, where there are no men within miles. Actually, fuck that, I’m calling him now.” She unearthed her phone and began furiously swiping at the screen.
Cade’s face was no longer blank, he uncrossed his arms and opened his mouth.
“Babe, cool it. It’s sorted. Put the fucking phone down and chill the fuck out,” Brock ordered, cutting Cade off and coming closer.
This was a surprise, I didn’t even expect him to arrive with Amy, much less be speaking to her. I didn’t have much time to think on this, though.
Amy whirled on him. “Cool it?” she uttered dangerously, glaring at Brock.
“Cool it?” she repeated, voice shrill. “Are you fucking kidding me? Did you see Gwen lying in a hospital bed, hooked up to monitors, on life support? No. Did you listen to a doctor say she might never wake up? No. Did you sit by her bed for almost two weeks, waiting, thinking over and over how you could’ve stopped this, seen the signs, maybe saved her from the horror she endured? No you didn’t! I did.”
Tears streamed down her face. I went to put my arms around her, soothe her. I had never seen Amy like this. Brock beat me to it. He gathered her up, putting his arms around her, stroking her hair and kissing her head. I expected her to fight him, push him away. But she didn’t, she burrowed into his neck, hands clutching his tee.
I watched in fascination as Brock’s usually hard glare softened into something so tender it made my heart melt, just a little. He lifted her up, and without a word carried her out of the room.
“Did you just see that?” I asked Cade, my voice a little breathy. “She didn’t even try to fight him or call him a biker asshole or anything.”
I was shocked and torn between happiness that Amy had someone that cared for her and disappointment that I might not be having her as a sister-in-law anymore. I frowned. I was really looking forward to being an aunt.
I glanced over at Cade who, hadn’t said a word. His eyes were black and a muscle in his cheek was twitching. I fought the urge to roll my eyes, he was such a caveman.
“Seriously, Cade, you all but thump your chest and proclaim ‘Gwen is mine’ every time we see Luke. He gets the message. We’ve had lunch like three times, I enjoy his company, purely as a friend. You have to trust me and let me have friends that happen to have penises,” I finished, quite proud of how firm I sounded. My hulk of a boyfriend was pretty scary when riled.
He continued to stare at me with that blank look on his face, arms crossed. “This isn’t about fuckin’ Crawford. Although I’m dis-fucking-pleased you kept your little lunches from me,” he bit out.
I threw my hands up in the air. “He speaks! I was beginning to think I was destined to have a mute for a boyfriend. The plus side would be not having to deal with all your macho man comments,” I joked, but Cade wasn’t even cracking a grin.
I began to read the intensity in the air and got a bad feeling. I cautiously walked up to him and put my hands on his waist.
“What’s wrong then?” My voice was soft and I craned to meet his stormy eyes.
His body was hard against mine, not responding to my touch.
“Amy’s right,” he growled, voice rough. “You’ve been through Hell and getting involved with me put you right back there. I got you kidnapped.”
It pained me to hear the raw emotion in his voice. I put my hand to his cheek, opening my mouth to say something, soothe him, but he got there first.
“Men put their hands on you.” His hand lightly trailed my face. “You should never have once known violence, not again. You are perfect, pure. And so fucking tiny, any man that would hurt you doesn’t deserve to breathe. And I got you hurt again. Christ I put my hands on you because I was going crazy at the thought of anything happening to you.”
“Cade…” I felt this was going in a terrible direction. I wanted to tell him I was okay.
“No, Gwen.” He removed his hand from my face and stepped away from me, his face back to blank. “I thought I could protect you, protect you from the ugliness of this life, not let it taint you. I was wrong. Even if we get out of the gun business, I will always have enemies, enemies that would use you. I can’t live with that. We have to end, this is over.”
He delivered the verbal punch and I almost doubled over. His voice and face both were void of emotion, which I knew was a lie. He loved me, he was trying to protect me. Before I could argue, he stepped towards me, cupped my head and roughly kissed me. I didn’t have time to process this, he released me and walked towards the door. He couldn’t leave.
“I tried to commit suicide,” I blurted and he froze. “Well, I didn’t physically try, someone stopped me before it got that far, but I was going to. No one knows apart from Alex and Bull.”
I talked to his back, he didn’t turn, but he didn’t leave either. He just stayed rooted to the spot, maybe it was good I didn’t have to look into his eyes while I laid myself bare.
“It was six months after my attack, I went through Hell trying to heal physically, but I got better. Mentally, I was still in that warehouse. I barely ate, hardly ever slept, I saw their faces every time I closed my eyes.” I paused, taking a deep breath before I continued. “I couldn’t get clean. No matter how hard I tried, I felt dirty, tawdry, broken. I felt like I would never get better, that I would be sentenced to the nightmare of a life I was living. I had dedicated friends, a loving family. They all wanted to help, tried so hard, but they couldn’t. They couldn’t fix me. So I was going to take the coward’s way out. The selfish, easy way out. I planned on swallowing a bunch of sleeping pills, convinced I wanted to die. I almost succeeded.”
Cade’s hissed breath echoed through the room, but he still didn’t turn. I wanted to go to him, but I couldn’t, I couldn’t bear to see what might be disgust or rejection in his eyes. So I carried on, I had to make him understand.
“I was lucky. So incredibly lucky that I had a friend who saw the signs, he knew what I was going through, he suspected what I was going to do. He walked in on me with a handful of pills. He saved my life,” I whispered. “I managed to get help, talk through my issues. But until I met you, I was still broken. I was resigned to the life I was going to live. I wasn’t unhappy, but I would never have the appetite for life I used to have. Or so I thought.”
The energy in the room turned electric, but Cade still didn’t turn. I willed myself to finish what I had to say.
“I’m not trying to say that I would ever consider hurting myself again. I’m in a good place now, a healthier place, but you fixed me. You scared away my demons, made me fall in love with you. I don’t care about the club, what you think might happen. I trust you, feel safe with you. I’m not letting you walk out of my life because you are trying to protect me. If you walk out that door you will hurt me more than any evil thug ever could.” I finished on a whisper, my voice barely audible.