“I need to put the fan on, Chase,” she said, more than happy to pick up where they’d left off as she tried to climb off his lap only to wince when his hold became painful.
“Chase, I need to…” she started to say as she turned her head only to feel her heart break when she saw the terror on his face as he reached over and began pushing his wheelchair back, taking her with him.
Swallowing hard, Sloane tried to turn around on his lap so that she could comfort him only to end up gasping in pain as his hold somehow tightened even more. “Chase, you’re hurting me,” she managed to get out as he rolled them to the patio doors.
In seconds, he had the door shoved open and was rolling them out onto the patio as the sounds of the smoke alarm blaring followed them. His wheelchair barely finished rolling to a stop when she found herself shifted on his lap so that she was straddling him and
“You’re hurt,” Chase said, jaw clenched as he ran his trembling hands over her, searching for injuries.
“I’m fine, Chase,” she said, struggling to catch her breath now that he’d released her, but he wasn’t listening.
He kept searching, shoving her shirt out of his way, running his trembling hands over her arms, her neck, her chest, stomach, and legs and when he didn’t find anything, he searched again.
“I’m fine,” she promised him, cupping his face in her hands.
“No, you’re not!” he snapped, shaking his head stubbornly as he continued searching for injuries that weren’t there.
“Chase, look at me,” Sloane said, leaning forward so that he was looking at her. “I’m fine.”
“You’re hurt,” Chase bit out as he continued to check her.
“I’m not hurt, Chase,” she promised him only to wince when she heard the sounds of the security company speaking over the security panel, asking if everything was okay.
Sighing, she said, “I need to go answer that before they send the fire department,” as she moved to climb off his lap and
“No, it’s not safe!” he yelled, pulling her back onto his lap so that he could wrap his trembling arms around her.
“Chase, I”
“I can’t lose you, too,” he said as he buried his face against her shoulder. “I can’t lose you. I can’t lose you,” Chase mumbled over and over again, shaking his head as he held on tightly to her.
“You’re not going to lose me,” Sloane promised him as she wrapped her arms around him, wishing that she knew how to make this right for him.
*-*-*-*
He couldn’t believe he’d lost it like that.
He couldn’t…
He couldn’t…
“FUCK!” Chase roared as he grabbed hold of the patio chair next to him and sent it flying.
“I was going to ask how you were holding up, but I guess that works too,” Grey said as he joined him.
“Go away,” Chase bit out, in no fucking mood to deal with any more bullshit tonight.
“I’m afraid that I can’t do that,” Grey murmured as he picked up the patio chair and brought it closer.
“I’m not fucking kidding right now,” Chase said, struggling against the urge to put his fist through a fucking wall as he struggled to get the image of Sloane looking at him with pity out of his fucking head.
“I know you’re not,” Grey said, placing the chair next to Chase and sat down.
“Then, why are you here?” Chase snapped.
“Because Sloane’s terrified,” Grey said, making his stomach drop.
“I didn’t mean to hurt her,” Chase said hollowly, wondering what the hell was wrong with him.
One minute, he was enjoying the way it felt to have Sloane in his arms and the next…
“What the fuck is wrong with me?” Chase snapped, clenching his hands into fists.
“Nothing’s wrong with you,” Grey said, shaking his head lazily.
“Are you fucking kidding me? I fucking hurt her!”
“No, you didn’t,” Grey said softly.
“What the fuck do you know about it?” Chase snapped, feeling sick to his stomach.
It was just a fucking smoke alarm and he’d lost it.
God, he
“One of my mother’s favorite ways to punish me when I was little was to lock me in the closet after she beat me and leave me there for days at a time,” Grey announced, making him frown. “By the time social services finally stepped in, I couldn’t handle small spaces anymore. I’d lose it every fucking time I thought about going into a closet.”
“What did you do?” Chase asked, willing to do anything to stop this from happening again.
“For a while, I avoided small spaces, thinking that it would help, but it actually made it worse. I couldn’t even handle looking at a closet door or having anyone next to me. It got to the point where I had to give myself a fucking pep talk in order to get into the lunch line at school, but after a while, I couldn’t even do that. I got so sick of it that I started forcing myself to go into my closet. A few seconds at first, but eventually, I was able to sleep in my closet at night. I kept doing it until my terror grew into boredom. The memories are still there, but they’ve lost their hold on me,” Grey said as he sat back in his chair.
The thought of hearing those alarms going off had Chase’s stomach turning, but…
“This stays between us,” Chase said even as he glared down at his clenched hands.
“Of course,” Grey murmured.
Nodding, Chase released a shaky breath and…
“I lied to them,” he admitted.
“What did you tell them?” Grey asked, probably already guessed who he was talking about.
“I told them that everything was going to be okay and that I was going to get them out of there,” he said with a humorless chuckle. “I couldn’t fucking move and I told them that I was going to keep them safe.”
“You gave them comfort, Chase.”
“I couldn’t even fucking give them that!” he snapped, releasing a shuddering breath. “Everything fucking hurt. I couldn’t focus on what they were saying, but I knew that they were screaming for their mother. The building was still crashing down around us when they stopped breathing. I couldn’t do anything more than lay there, wondering when I was going to fucking join them.”
“But you didn’t,” Grey murmured.
“No, I didn’t.”
“What did you think about while you were laying there?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Chase said, shaking his head, refusing to go there.
“Fair enough,” Grey said before adding, “Then why don’t we figure out a way to make this better?”
“I already know what makes this better,” Chase said, sighing heavily as he sat back against his wheelchair and watched as Sloane walked into her room.
“And what’s that?” Grey asked as Chase forced himself to look away.
“Something that I can’t have.”
Chapter 35
She was in over her head, Sloane realized as she watched Chase stare at her patio door, but even knowing that didn’t stop her from sighing in relief when he opened her door and quietly made his way inside.