What the hell was he doing?
He was playing a dangerous game here, Chase realized as he rubbed his hands roughly down his face even as he had to admit that he was tempted, more than a little fucking tempted, to want more than he should. For a moment, he wondered what it would be like if this never had to end and…
God, it would be so fucking easy to imagine a lifetime with Sloane. He could imagine spending the rest of his life with her, making love to her every night and waking up with her in his arms every morning. He could also imagine falling in love with her, having children with her, and growing old with her and just as easily, he could imagine how much it would hurt if something ever happened to her.
He would never survive it.
Feeling the panic that threatened to break him every time he thought about losing her begin to set in, Chase stood up and paced the large living room, needing to put as much space between him and the thoughts that threatened to destroy him as he could. He told himself that Sloane was fine, that she was safe until even that wasn’t enough and he found himself heading toward the balcony, needing to make sure that she was okay while thoughts of all the ways that he could lose her had him moving faster.
When he finally managed to slide the balcony door open and saw her standing there with her back to him, safe and whole, he released a shaky breath. She was fine and he was fucking pathetic, Chase told himself as he ran his eyes over her, needing to make sure that she was okay, only…even that wasn’t enough.
Before he knew what he was doing, he stepped onto the balcony. She was so beautiful, he thought, watching her as she turned around. When she saw him standing there that same heartbreaking expression that he saw downstairs flashed across her beautiful face before she managed to pull it back, nearly fucking breaking him in the process.
This was just about sex, Chase told himself, needing the reminder as he reached for her. That’s all he wanted, all he needed from her, he told himself as he pulled her into his arms. Before he had a chance to finish wrapping his arms around her, she was sliding her hand over the back of his neck and pulling him down for a kiss that bordered on desperation, matching his need for her.
He couldn’t seem to pull her close enough, and god, did he fucking need that right now. He needed her, needed Sloane in a way that actually terrified him. His hands fisted in her dress as he used his hold to bring her closer. She always felt so fucking good in his arms, Chase thought as he pulled her back toward the suite, determined to spend the rest of the night in that large bed, working this hold that she seemed to have over him out of his system.
Chapter 39
This was a mistake.
She should have left as soon as he fell asleep, but she hadn’t been able to force herself to go. She’d come up with a hundred different excuses, but the problem was that she wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Not yet. She wanted a few more hours with Chase before she forced herself to let him go, and then…
Sloane didn’t want to think about what came next.
She should just leave the letter that she’d spent the last three hours struggling to write on his pillow, get dressed, call a cab and head back to his house so that she could grab her stuff and leave before she had a chance to talk herself out of this. Not that it would take much, Sloane thought, sighing heavily as she sat there with her arms wrapped around her knees while she watched Chase sleep.
She’d never wanted anything more than she wanted him, but…
He didn’t want her.
The funny thing was that Sloane knew that he would do the right thing if she told him everything, but she didn’t want him that way. So, she was going to force herself to do the right thing and leave before she did something stupid like beg him for something that he couldn’t give her.
Right now, she was going to focus on getting through this one step at a time. Once she said goodbye, then she would worry about all those other things that she’d been trying not to think about, but for right now…
Sloane climbed out of the chair and quietly made her way to the bed. Keeping her eyes on Chase, she slowly exhaled as she placed the letter on the nightstand. He was so handsome, Sloane thought as she reached over and ran her fingertips lightly over his scar and along his jaw before dropping her hand away.
For a moment, she stood there, watching him before she found herself reaching for the hem of the shirt that she’d borrowed from him and pulled it off, dropping it on the floor. Needing to touch him one last time before she forced herself to walk away, Sloane pulled the covers back and climbed onto the bed. Before she finished straddling his lap, he was reaching for her with a sleepily murmured, “Everything okay, Pookie?”
“Everything’s fine,” Sloane whispered as she leaned down and brushed her lips against his.
He returned the simple gesture with a small groan as she settled over him. They took their time, slowly deepening the kiss as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. She wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that before he rolled her onto her back and began slowly moving against her with teasing strokes that had her moaning.
When she felt him push inside her, Sloane wrapped her arms around him and closed her eyes as he kissed his way down her neck while she savored every touch, kiss, and caress, burning each one of them to memory. All too soon, he was groaning her name and she realized that it was time to go.
She waited until he’d closed his eyes and his breaths were soft and even before she slipped from the bed and headed to the closet. She grabbed her bag and headed to the bathroom, making sure to close the door quietly behind her and forced herself to move. She took a quick shower, brushed her teeth and hair, got dressed, and double-checked her bag to make sure that she had everything before she found herself standing in the middle of the bathroom, staring at the door.
Releasing a shaky breath and telling herself that it was better just to get this over with, Sloane forced herself to walk the short distance to the door and once she managed to do that, she forced herself to keep going, refusing to look at the bed as she walked out of the bathroom, knowing that one look at Chase would break her. She just needed to leave so that she could clear her head and figure out what she needed to–
“What’s this?” Chase asked when she stepped into the living room to find him sitting on the couch, holding the letter that should have explained everything in his hand.
“I got another job,” Sloane said, forcing the lie that she’d come up with last night when her world came crashing down around her.
“Yeah, I see that,” Chase said, sighing heavily as he tossed the letter on the coffee table so that he could rub his hands over his face.
“I didn’t know how to tell you,” she said quietly.
“And you thought telling me in a fucking letter was the best way to do that?” Chase asked, dropping his hands away as he shook his head in disbelief.
When she didn’t answer, he got to his feet and gestured to the bedroom. “Give me ten minutes to get dressed and I’ll drive you to the airport,” Chase said, not sounding happy about it.
“I’ve already got a ride,” she lied because she couldn’t tell him the truth.
“I’m going,” Chase said firmly, heading toward the bathroom only to stop when she said, “I don’t want you to.”