Azure nods, “That’s true, but it’s still your choice on what you pick and you chose that your wellbeing was worth more than his life. What does that say about you?”
Gray eyes glare at him, “He was guilty and responsible for killing three people. Picking myself doesn’t make me in the wrong.”
Azure smiles in satisfaction. Let Ocher convince himself that his actions were valid. He doesn’t need moral conflicts between the two of them. Ocher can tell himself any lie he needs to in order to convince himself what he did was right or in this case, so he doesn’t question himself and drown in guilt. The closer their sense of justice aligns, the easier this becomes. So that if Ocher is still around when he goes for the biggest kill, he’ll have an ally rather than an enemy.
◆◆◆
Once they return to the hotel, Azure drops onto his bed and stares over at his traveling partner whose been quiet the entire way back. Ocher ended that man’s life at his command and even though he still seems to be struggling with the decision, he did it regardless and that’s what matters.
They’ve completed the job, he has his money and now hopefully this part of his life is over forever. Ocher might actually be an accomplice worth taking a chance on. He won’t put his full trust in the other boy just yet, but it appears he really has been given a soldier for his use and he’s not going to overlook that gift. Having a soldier along, especially one who will obey him, could be a huge asset.
Thoughts and feelings do change and he can’t be sure of his loyalty this early, but currently their relationship is mutually beneficial, so keeping Ocher close sounds like an excellent choice.
Now it’s time to see just how much Ocher can be influenced. For a soldier, he doesn’t seem to have any firmly set notions of right and wrong yet. He can only attribute that to growing up in such a secluded world. Soon enough they’ll start to form and he wants to be the one that influences the direction they develop.
Azure pats the spot next to him, “Come here, Ocher.”
“Why?”
“Then don’t.” Unsurprisingly Ocher comes to sit next to him, it seems like his curiosity for answers always prevails. That’s something they’ll have to work on. He’ll need to listen without asking so many questions. The moment he sits down, Azure grabs onto him and pins him to the bed by his wrists, using his knees to hold Ocher in place. He frowns down at him for the lack of resistance, “You didn’t even try to defend yourself.”
“Why should I?” Ocher questions back. “I’m not afraid of you. If you were going to do something, you would have already done it. You’re no threat.”
“You sure?”
“Are you going to throw some fire bullets at me?”
Azure lets go and sits back on his thighs with a laugh. Ocher was lying when he said he didn’t trust him. Ocher trusts Azure not to hurt him. Either he really doesn’t see him as a threat or he just doesn’t know to be on his guard. In any case, he can use that to his own advantage. Ocher’s already letting himself get attached whether he knows it or not and he’s not fighting it at all.
If Ocher isn’t going to protect himself, he’s not going to challenge it and in return, he’ll have a devoted companion, but never a partner because they’re not equal. “You know,” Azure murmurs, tracing a thumb around the loose line of Ocher’s full bottom lip and ignoring how the other boy looks up at him in confusion. “You should loosen up some, that permanent frown doesn’t help anybody. It makes it hard to tell what you’re thinking.”
“That’s the point,” Ocher responds with a pointed look.
Azure lets his thumb linger at the corner of his mouth, “Hard to know if you’re trustworthy too or what you feel. Tell me Ocher, what do you want?”
He hesitates, “I’m not sure.”
“You should figure that out soon, I don’t have a reason to keep you around forever and then what will you do.” Azure climbs off his thighs and searches through his satchel before offering him back his knife.
Ocher sits up immediately, grabs the knife back, and glares at him. “You had it all along.”
“Of course! I took it in the forest. Couldn’t let all that repressed anger stab me!”
“What repressed anger?”
Azure shakes his head. Who does he think he’s fooling? Ocher can try to keep his feelings hidden behind that emotionless mask of his, but he has tells just as well as anyone else. The narrowing of his eyes, the clench of a fist, the tenseness in his body when certain topics are mentioned. With how easy he abandoned his position, he can only assume his life in the army has something to do with his hidden anger.
If he continues to bottle it up, he’s more likely to explode later and depending on the timing that could ruin everything. “Stop holding everything inside, if you keep that up, you’ll be a liability to me and I’ll dump you when you least expect it. Also, keep a better eye on your things.”
Ocher glances down at the knife in his hands, fingers nearly white from the pressure he’s putting on the handle. “You would do that.”
Azure inclines his head in agreement before turning away. It’s important he knows everything about Ocher, no secrets on the other boy’s part. When Ocher finally stops forcing himself to hide everything, he’ll have a better insight to who he’s actually keeping with him.
Chapter 6: Ocher
Of course he’s hiding. He knows Azure even less than he knew his squad mates and he revealed nothing to them either. Despite what Azure might think, he’s not that stupid. Revealing his every thought to a stranger who has no problem taking lives isn’t going to do him any good. Azure seems like the type to use anything he can against you. Ocher won’t give him any more than he already takes.
Yesterday was his first time taking someone else’s life and part of him still can’t believe how fast it happened. It was bound to happen eventually, either with Azure or at his captain’s command, and he doesn’t necessarily feel guilty about it, but images of that man going up in flames keep intruding into his thoughts. Yesterday was also the first time he’d ever seen anything quite so cruel. He’s well aware that war is just as violent and that one day soon he would have joined in on that violence. Still, to see someone burned alive so suddenly because of him is disturbing.
He can’t mention it to Azure because the other boy would just dismiss him as weak and he can’t afford to be seen that way. No matter how reluctant he was for his first kill to be right then, he had to be useful and prove himself. As Azure said, it was his life or their client's life. His best option was to aim true and end it quick. He’s been training his whole life to take the lives of those who resist Haithen’s rule. That’s the truth of it, no matter what kind of happiness Dominicus tried to bring to their situation. There’s no time to be sentimental, especially not with who he’s traveling with.
He and Azure are on the move again, walking through the countryside where the population is smaller and there’s less oversight. One of the first things the new leader was cut public transportation to the outlying areas in order to encourage movement towards the urban areas where everyone could be monitored with ease.