Jo wondered if she should offer to jump behind the counter and help with the sales, but her head was too full and she still hadn’t spotted Lorcan. She had started to feel a little overwhelmed by it all and, she realised, she really, really needed some air. Having pushed her way through the crowd to get outside, she leaned against the window of the bookshop and took a couple of deep breaths. This was crazy. Actually, it was beyond crazy. But in a good way, she thought. It was beyond anything she could have dreamt of. She felt all of a sudden like doing a little happy dance, but she didn’t want to risk Ewan looking out the window, seeing her cutting some of her very suspect moves and deciding against inviting her to Donegal after all. Instead she settled for a little air punch and the quietist of ‘whoops’.
When she looked up, she saw Lorcan as he walked down the street from Harry’s shop, a bunch of wilted flowers in his hand.
‘You’re outside,’ he said as he got close to her. ‘And you look shell-shocked but in a good way. Did it go well? Grandad asked me to bring you these flowers as a good-luck gift. Don’t worry, I didn’t tell him what you needed good luck for, just that you had something important happening. I had to assure him you weren’t dying before he let me leave the shop, but you should prepare yourself for an interrogation the next time you see him,’ he smiled.
Jo took the flowers, knowing that receiving a slightly past-its-best gift from Harry’s stock was a huge honour, and smiled. ‘I needed some air,’ she said. ‘But this is very kind of Harry. Please thank him from me. And yes, it went well. Actually, it was exceptionally surreal, but it was good. Would you believe he loves my work? And, more than that, he wants me to accompany him on a research trip to Donegal over the next few days so he can provide some private mentoring.’
Lorcan raised his eyebrows. ‘Oh… wow. Well, that’s, erm… That’s incredible. What an opportunity! That’s very generous of him.’
‘He says my writing is exquisite and evocative,’ Jo told him, as she tried not to overthink the tone of Lorcan’s response. His ‘Oh… wow!’ was more muted than she might have expected.
‘I have no doubt that it is,’ Lorcan said. ‘None at all.’
‘I know it’s unusual,’ she replied, as a wave of uneasiness rose inside her. ‘To be honest, he said he could also benefit from having someone local help with some of his research trips, so it’s not entirely without benefit to him.’
‘No, I imagine not,’ Lorcan said, and Jo felt herself bristle. It was as if he wasn’t happy for her. Did he not realise what an amazing opportunity this was for her?
‘He’s an award-winning writer. I’d be mad to turn down the opportunity to work with him. And he’s covering my accommodation costs too.’ With each moment that passed she realised more and more that she’d be a fool to turn this down.
‘As I said,’ Lorcan replied, his voice dull. ‘It’s very generous of him, but…’
‘But what?’ she snapped.
Lorcan shifted uneasily. ‘Please don’t take this the wrong way. Actually, don’t worry about it. Forget I said anything.’
‘I’m hardly going to be able to do that now. What were you going to say?’ Jo was in serious danger of her good mood slipping away.
She watched as Lorcan shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. ‘I’m only saying this because you’re my friend, I think, or you could be my friend. But are you sure it’s not just a line? A “why don’t you come up so I can show you my etchings” kind of a thing?’ He tried to sound light and breezy but there was no way to get around the words he had actually spoken.
Immediately, Jo felt the wind sucked out of her sails. ‘Because there could be no other reason for him wanting to work with me other than for him to seduce me?’ she said, the last few words coming out as little more than an angry whisper. How dare he?
‘That’s not what I’m saying. It’s just unusual. That’s all. Nothing more than that. I’m not questioning your talent. Why would I?’
She was about to tell him exactly what she thought of him for even suggesting such a thing when she heard Libby’s voice over the PA system in the shop announcing that the event was about to start and asking people to take their seats.
‘We should go in,’ Jo said.
‘Thanks for getting me a ticket, by the way. I appreciate it,’ he said.
Jo shrugged her shoulders. She couldn’t bring herself to speak because if she did she would either scream at him or start to cry. All she knew was that she wished with all her heart that she hadn’t got him the damn ticket. In fact, at that moment, she wished she hadn’t met him at all.
Inside the shop, she was deeply relieved to find there were only a couple of seats left and none of them together. ‘I’ll talk to you after,’ she said, fully planning to avoid him at all costs after the event, before she walked to the front of the shop to take a seat.
But it was too late, the shine had gone off her evening. As Ewan spoke about his career and his writing process, she found herself unable to concentrate. All she could think of, much to her incredible annoyance, was the look on Lorcan’s face when she’d told him about Ewan’s offer. Those crass words he had uttered. That he must have thought her naive and easily led. Worse than that, he must have thought there was no way her writing alone could attract the attention of a ‘proper writer’.
She’d known Lorcan only a handful of days and had already given him enough power to make her feel crappy. She was angry at him, and at herself. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t aware from Harry’s tales that Lorcan was nothing more than an entitled brat and he’d proved it by thinking he’d any right to judge her decisions. That’s what happens when you take chances on people, she thought. That’s what happens when you start to open your heart just a little.
She glanced to the podium where Ewan stood, his audience enthralled at his every word. He seemed so warm and genuine. He’d explained he liked to support up-and-coming writers. He’d assured her he was sincere and she’d have her own accommodation. She’d seen that in his face. She’d heard him talk about her work like it really meant something. That he believed she really had something special.
But in just one look Lorcan had made her feel icky about it all.
Well, he had no right to. He didn’t really know her. Not enough to pass his opinion on her choices. And anyone else who wanted to judge her could get lost too. They all wanted her to live big and take chances. Well, that was exactly what she was going to do. As soon as she could, she’d tell Ewan that she would be delighted to take him up on his offer.
21
Mamma Mia
Jo’s mum practically jumped on her as soon as she walked into the house. Close behind her was Auntie Mags, a gin glass in her hand and a rosy-cheeked expression that left Jo under no illusion whatsoever that alcohol had been consumed.
‘Here’s my wee pet now,’ Mags cheered, pulling Jo towards her and hugging her tightly into her ample bosom. ‘Since your mammy couldn’t come to crochet club, the very best member of crochet club – that’s me, by the way – came to her instead. We have extra gin if you’d like one?’