‘Erin, do you want to take a couple of minutes out? C’mon. Come and get a breath of air with me?’ She took Erin by the arm and was even more surprised to find her friend didn’t fight her off, and she led her out of the kitchen.
Just as they reached the door, Erin stopped and called to her staff, ‘You are a good team, you know. I have every faith in you.’ Or at least Jo thought that was what she said, because the last few words came out as a jumbled, half-sobbed mess.
Jo led her to the office, where Paddy immediately ran over to say hello and promptly ran away again as soon as he copped out that Erin was upset.
‘Right. What’s really going on, because there is no way this is about a vegan dinner or how much preps the lads have done for lunch. Everything looks very much under control in there.’
Erin sat down, and pulled her chef’s hat off, her dark brown curls escaping from under her hair net. Her face, Jo noted, was still red and her blue eyes were now red-rimmed too.
Jo hunkered down in front of her and took her hands. ‘You’re kind of scaring me now, Erin. What is it?’
Erin shook her head. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m being an asshole.’
‘Just tell me what’s wrong,’ Jo pleaded.
‘Don’t hate me,’ Erin said. ‘I’ve tried to tell you, but I didn’t know how, but I can’t leave it any longer.’
Jo ran through every possible scenario in her head. Well, all the really, really bad ones anyway. Was her best friend dying? Going to jail? Had she robbed Jo of all her worldly goods to feed a drug/gambling/shopping addiction? ‘Okay,’ she began, ‘well, there’s nothing you could do to make me hate you, outside of hooking up with Tom Hardy. You know that’s an instant friendship killer.’ Jo tried to keep her voice light, but she was panicked that Erin was about to drop a bombshell.
Erin took a couple of deep breaths, then looked up and directly at Jo. ‘You know I love you and you are my best friend. You know we have had the best times together and I couldn’t ask for a better housemate.’
‘I love you too,’ Jo muttered, her friend’s words having done nothing to calm her.
‘You see, Aaron and I are getting pretty serious. And… well, he wants me to move in with him. And I do want to. I really love him. But I don’t want to let you down and I know you can’t afford the flat on your own, but you’ve been spending more and more time with your mum and Clara and I…’
‘Oh,’ Jo said as she tried to wrap her head around what Erin had told her. She was delighted, of course, that her friend had found love. She liked Aaron. He was a nice person and he treated Erin very well indeed. But she had been looking forward to moving back to their girly pad when her dad got home and resuming their well-oiled living arrangement. She liked her flat. Her room. Her life.
‘He asked me a few weeks ago and I know if you can’t keep the flat on, then maybe we need to give notice, or I could help you find somewhere new, or make some arrangement and I hate that I’m letting you down, but Aaron needs a decision and it’s causing a little bit of tension between us and—’
Jo raised her hand. ‘It’s okay, Erin. Honestly. I’m happy for you. Really happy for you. You deserve this. You deserve to be happy. I’ll work something out. Honestly, don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine and of course I don’t hate you for it. I love you.’ She pulled Erin into a big hug and felt her friend shudder with emotion. ‘Now, deep breath. It’s okay. We’re okay. I promise.’
Internally, though, Jo knew she wasn’t okay. She’d not felt jealous of Erin and Aaron and their relationship before but now, as much as she hated herself for feeling this way, it assaulted her.
She was so not okay that, to her surprise and shame, she found herself having a little cry when Erin left. What was she going to do now? Erin was right. There was no way she would be able to afford the flat on her own. She’d either have to find somewhere else – somewhere nowhere near as nice and roomy – or get another person to share with. That was an even worse thought. While Jo was a very sociable person and was often at the certain of the craic at The Ivy Inn, she kept her circle tight. There were very few people who knew the real her and fewer still she’d want to see her in her pink fluffy onesie, eating Rice Krispies to get through a Sunday hangover.
That was before she even started unpacking the whole almost-thirty-and-single side of things. It hadn’t bothered her all that much before – she kept herself busy enough that she didn’t have time to miss having a significant other – but with Erin now on the brink of settling down with Aaron, and Noah and Libby launching into wedding plans with abandon, she started to feel as if she was being left behind.
She took in deep breaths and willed herself not to cry and she was almost, almost successful. That is until Noah walked back into the office, took one look at her and asked if she was okay.
Through a bout of very unattractive tears and snot, Jo sobbed something about being lonely and possibly homeless and then very quickly tried to compose herself again.
Noah, of course, pulled her into a big hug and told her he had a spare room and not to worry and everything would work out, and Jo felt marginally better – and more than a little bit silly.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said. ‘I’m okay. Honest.’
‘And Erin? Because I just saw her and her eyes have that distinct just-had-a-cry look about them too?’
‘She thought I’d be mad with her for moving out. Which I’m not, but it’s still a pain in the ass. And I don’t really feel sorry for myself but… sometimes…’
‘Sometimes what?’ Noah asked.
‘Never mind,’ she said with a shake of her head. Jo knew this was not a conversation to be had just as the bar was opening on a busy Friday lunchtime. It was the kind of conversation you had after a few glasses of wine in the wee small hours.
‘Well, if you’re sure you don’t want to talk,’ he said, sounding completely unconvinced. ‘Libby is worried about you too, you know.’
‘Libby is worried about me? You’re worried about me? What?’ Jo was more than a little confused. ‘You’ve been talking about me?’
‘We both love you, you know that,’ Noah said, his voice soft. ‘And no, not really talking about you. Not in a bad way. We’re just concerned about you. You’ve seemed to be a little off kilter lately. Not so much that everyone else would notice, but I grew up with you, remember? You became my sister when I needed someone on my side and I love you for it. So, of course, I’m going to be worried when you don’t seem like your usual happy self.’
Jo wondered if she had been giving out great big discontented vibes all this time. She didn’t think she had been. She’d been happy. Well, not so much happy as, well, not sad. Perhaps she could be happier, she mused, but she absolutely did not want anyone worrying about her. Especially not Noah and Libby.
‘Well, you’ve no need to be worried,’ she said, and plastered a smile on her face. ‘Honest. I’m fine. We all have little slumps and maybe I need a holiday or something.’
Noah raised an eyebrow, and kept her gaze.
Damn it, she knew he could read her like a book.