Skeets? That’s a whole new level of smoke.
“So yeah. Please. I’m begging you. I will give you anything you want. My first born or, or… my favorite mug. Okay maybe not the mug but you get my drift. Hell, you can leave the lightbulb on my desk and I’ll do it myself. Yeah. Okay. Thank you, bye.”
I hang up, not convinced he’ll actually show up any time soon, but even if I wanted to back track and get the office manager in on this, she’s not here today. Not many people are.
I’ve worked here for years and not once have the head honchos been here on New Year’s Eve. Most of the tails honchos don’t show up either. A few of the lower level agents do, mostly because they don’t have office issued laptops to work from home like senior members do. I guess it’s just them and me today.
I begin slipping off my bunnies and putting on my strappy stilettos when my phone dings. I know who that has to be. My New Year’s Steve.
I snort a laugh to myself. That’s still funny.
Steve: Have you left the office yet?
Me: You know it’s still morning, right?
Steve: You know it’s a holiday right?
Me: All the more reason I need to finish these reports. I’m ready to take a few days off and start the new year right. Speaking of, have you decided where we’re going to meet yet?
Steve: Yes. But it’s still a surprise.
Me: We’re meeting in less than 12 hours! I need time to prepare!
Steve: There’s nothing to prepare for. Dress for a night out and wait for me to tell you where to go. I promise it’ll be fun.
Me: Fun like, “the lotion is in the basket, Hello Clarice,” or...?
Steve: Lol. No Clarice. I am not a serial killer. And we’ll be meeting in a public place. No worries there.
Me: Not worried. Just cautious. You are a stranger after all.
Steve: Not for much longer, assuming you get those reports done. I have a lunch date with a buddy so I’ll let you get back to it. See you tonight.
Me: Can’t wait to watch your balls drop with you!
Me: Your balls!
Me: The ball! Not your balls! I’m sure you have more than one. The big ball.
Me: Omg I quit. I’m going back into my hidey hole now.
Steve: Hidey hole? I’m dying.
Me: No, I am. Don’t even look at me, I’m hideous.
Steve: LOLOLOLOL. Me and my big ball will see you tonight.
Fucking autocorrect.
Actually, that’s not true. Fucking flickering light made my brain spaz out and now I’m coming across like a horny minx. I suppose there are worse ways to act on a New Year’s Eve date.
Shaking off my embarrassment because I have no time for it, I buckle the strap on my shoe. I wouldn’t normally care about my footwear but I need to find my boss, Victoria. I want her to make sure she got my latest data and she doesn’t see any glaring discrepancies.
Triple check and all that jazz.
I grab my mug because I might as well make a pit stop for refreshments since I’m out. Plus, I don’t want to get up from that desk again unless absolutely necessary.
I’ve got eight hours until I need to be out of here or I won’t have time for the necessary pre-date gaming. A good self-grooming takes time and while this is a first date, a girl has to be prepared.
“Hey Vic,” I call out as I peek my head into her office. “Did you get my…”
I stop mid-sentence.
The lights in her office are dim and her computer is off.
She’s not here, dammit!
Honestly, I’m not that surprised. If I had a nickel for every time she was a no-show on days like today, I’d have enough money to have quit long ago. It’s not a company holiday but when the big wigs aren’t here, half the bosses don’t show up either.
I suppose it means she has a lot of trust in my ability to get the job done.
It also means an extra paid vacation day for me when I remind her she owes me for showing up when she didn’t. Usually that elicits a glare right before she signs off on my request.
Good enough for me.
My only regret is changing shoes just in case. Poor neglected bunnies. I’ll get back to them soon. But first, break room.
I could use the one on this floor, but instead I use the elevator to go up a level. For whatever reason, the agents get the fancy coffee maker and cabinets full of snacks, and right now, I’m in the mood for an upgrade. Us lowly people in accounting get zippo.
I have no idea who buys all the granola bars and fruit snacks, but there aren’t any notes saying to keep my mitts off, so I assume they’re company issued. If not… well, I can always apologize later.
The ride is short and I beeline for Meg’s desk. That’s the second reason I like this floor better.
Sneaking up behind her, I get as close as I can before using my full volume to greet her with a “Hey!”
She jumps and squeals, barely missing my face with the back of her head.
“Hey watch it! You could have broken my nose and I don’t need to show up with one as an ice breaker conversation for my date. I need to at least try to look like my LoveSwept profile picture tonight.”
“It serves you right for sneaking up on me like that.” Meg clutches her ugly sweater covered heart. Did she just press a button on her top that makes it sing Aude Lang Syne?
Who am I kidding?
This is Meg — of course she did. Not that I have room to judge. I miss my bunnies already. Still, I can’t let this moment pass me by.
“Uh… why is your sweater singing?”
Her eyes light up, clearly distracted from her faux heart attack. “Isn’t it cute? Adam found it and knew I’d love it. Said it screamed my name.”
“Haven’t you been dating for like thirty seconds? Is that an appropriate amount of time for White Elephant gift giving?”
“This is not a gag gift. It’s the perfect gift.” She smooths down her top and picks off some imaginary lint. “And gifts are fine. When you know you’ve found a good one, you just know. Speaking of, shouldn’t you be finishing some reports so you can make it to your hot date?”
I lean against her the cubicle wall and sigh. “I’m so close to being done but that damn lightbulb keeps taking my picture. It’s driving me up the wall.”
“Why don’t you have your office manager take care of it?”
“Why does everyone keep saying that? Shouldn’t maintenance respond no matter who is calling?”
“Pretty sure the office manager is the one who does or does not approve his vacation days. There’s more incentive going that route.”
I roll my eyes dramatically. “Fiiiine. When I get back, I’ll go through the freaking middle man.”
“You are awfully theatrical today.”
“That’s no different from any other day of the week, today I just have an audience. You.”
“Ain’t that the truth,” Meg says with a giggle and scoots her chair forward like she’s ready to get back to work.
That’s my cue.
“I’m going to snag some refreshments and get back to it. Don’t stay too late today.”
“Not planning on it. Once Adam is done with whatever major league crisis he has going on, we’ll be heading out until next year.”
I lean down and give her a quick hug. “Be safe tonight.”