“I’m glad, Becka, but that’s not because of me. I was just one person on a team. I think I did CPR for all of sixty seconds before I was relieved. The flight attendants did most of the work.”
“As per usual,” G.B. said, pretending to cough. Except he was terrible at the fake-cough verbal smackdown and just muttered the words into his fist.
“Quiet, you.” To Becka: “Your dad’s the one who decided to make the lifestyle changes. That’s the hard part, I think.”
“I know what I know,” Becka said again, pushing her riot of red hair away from her flushed cheeks.
“We might be moving out of hero category and into stalker category,” G.B. commented.
“Give her a break, Ghost Baby.”
“No. No. Don’t start that again.”
“Then be nice to Becka,” Captain Capp ordered.
“Fine. Shit. Fine.”
“See?” Becka asked, beaming. “Hero.”
Epilogue
One month later …
Sea-Tac Marriott
Ava couldn’t stop staring at the text, though she’d gotten it over an hour ago.
Blake was getting married?
Blake Tarbell was getting married.
Blake? Her Blake? Although that was unfair, and incorrect … he was no more her Blake than she was his Ava. But still. The shock of it. As shocked as he’d be if he heard she was getting married, which was really funny. And I have to say, if Tom found me and dropped to one knee tonight (or fell to one knee, which was more likely), I’d have to say no. Yes, definitely no. Too soon. No rush. Etcetera.
But if he asked six months from now…?
He must have lost a bet. It’s literally the only reason I can think of for King Blake of Bachelorandia to get hitched. She felt a little like Sally Albright* when she heard Harry, the most cynical person she knew, was getting married: “Who is she?”
“Captain Capp? Don’t forget your flowers.”
Ava, halfway to the elevator, wrenched her attention from the text, turned around, and shook her head at the bouquet. “Oh, he’s gotta stop doing that. He can send Hannah to Harvard for a semester with what he’s spending on flowers.”
“They’re lovely,” the receptionist said.
Tom had decided to approach courtship by the book. He even had a checklist, to her vast delight. Thus far she’d been serenaded and seduced and was the recipient of letters and love poems. He was taking her out for traditionally romantic dinners and drowning her in flowers. At one point, he’d decided to retroactively protect her reputation by having Abe chaperone.
“If there’s nothing else, Captain Capp … um…”
“Yes?”
“Nothing. You … nothing.”
“You might as well ask. Did you see my face on the news?”
“It’s just I didn’t recognize you until I got a really good look and are you the Ava Capp who had to do a belly landing while solving murders?” This all in one breath, like she’d get in trouble if she drew it out.
Ava laughed. “No! Not even close. Maybe a fifth of that is true. Okay, a quarter of it.”
“That was … wow.”
“Yeah.”
“I’m glad you’re okay.”
“Thanks.”
“Is there anything else you need?”
“Not from you, m’dear. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go have Skype sex.” She started toward the elevators, then wheeled around and snatched up the bouquet. “Whoops! Can’t Skype without a bunch of random flowers strewn everywhere. What? You’re looking at me like it’s weird. It’s not that weird.”
“It’s a little weird.”
“It’s how we do things in my family,” Ava replied. “That’s all.”
That’s all. And it was enough. In fact, it was everything.
Romance/Horror Trope List
1. Tropes are tools
2. Pilots have a girl/guy in every port (subverted: Ava enjoys a healthy sex life, but her numbers aren’t outside the norm)
3. Bitchy gay flight attendant (subverted: while bitchy, G.B. is a raging heterosexual)
4. Sad, dark backstory (literally everyone)
5. Longtime class clown jokes to hide pain of sad, dark backstory (Ava)
6. Bald is evil (subverted)
7. Small-town girl fleeing to big city to leave tragic past behind
8. Stephen King reference (“… get my mind serene.”)
9. Tragic past eventually catches up with small-town girl
10. It’s over … but it will never be over
11. Breakups are always brutal (subverted with Blake and Ava)
12. Evil is petty (villain)
13. Fatal flaw: pride
14. Eureka moment
15. Red herring
16. Alibi
17. Chronic evidence retention system
18. Clueless mystery—subverted. There are clues, but not many; the few there are don’t resemble clues; and Ava and Tom don’t piece them together until the end
19. The dog was the mastermind
20. They look just like everyone else
21. Mystery magnet
22. Amateur sleuth
23. Improbable coincidences (Ava and Tom are on the same flight)
24. Smart people know Latin
25. This time, it’s personal
26. Deadpan snarker (Ava, pretty much constantly)
27. Geeks don’t watch much TV
28. Flawed hero
29. Child prodigy
30. Time dissonance
31. Hero is always older (subverted)
32. Heroine is always a virgin (subverted)
33. Badass grandpa
34. Ambiguous disorder
35. Heroine loves children
36. Heroine loves dogs
37. Pretending to be in a fake relationship for a case (Ava, with her “podiatrist”)
38. Explain, explain … oh, crap!
39. All women are lustful
40. Good Will Hunting reference
41. Metareferences (Ava suggests she’s living in a romantic comedy)
42. Author pokes fun at her own book (“It’s part of why this is such a shitty story”)
43. Disability alibi
44. Never the obvious suspect
45. Amateur sleuths are never the suspect (inverted: several people think Ava might be the killer or, at best, had guilty knowledge of the murder)
46. Only bad guys dislike the heroine
47. No more running speech
48. Exposition victim
49. Hurt/comfort (Ava and Tom)
50. Alone with the psycho
51. Bad liar
52. The reveal
53. Heroine comes to an understanding about herself that was obvious to literally everyone else
54. Keep ’em talking
55. Heroes swear a lot (subverted)
56. Good girls don’t swear (subverted)
57. Big romantic epiphany
58. Evil gloating
59. Motive rant
60. Happily ever after
Also by MaryJanice Davidson
The Love Scam
Danger, Sweetheart
Me, Myself and Why?
Yours, Mine, and Ours
You and I, Me and You
Faeries Gone Wild
No Rest for the Witches
About the Author
MaryJanice Davidson is the internationally bestselling author of several books, including the Betsy the Vampire Queen series. Her books have been translated into several languages and are available in fifteen countries. She writes a biweekly column for USA Today and frequently speaks to book clubs and writer’s groups, teaches writing workshops, and attends conferences all over the world. She has published books, novellas, articles, short stories, recipes, and movie reviews. You can sign up for email updates here.