Yes, her body screamed, her feminine nerves already spiraling toward that release. All it would take to send her over the edge was the touch of his fingers against slick folds of flesh, the seductive caress of his mouth on her breasts. The elemental need to be a part of this man mixed with something deep and soul-stirring, overwhelming her with emotions she’d severed herself from years ago.
Panicked that he could make her feel so much when she’d been content to be alone, she pressed her palms to his chest, pushing gently, but firmly. “Austin, we can’t do this.”
He immediately stopped his seduction, slowly withdrawing his hand from beneath her dress, leaving her aroused, and very disappointed. The rhinestone straps of her dress slid back up, and the bodice covered her breasts once again.
Concern etched his features, and he brushed her hair away from her face, his gaze searching. “Hey, you okay?”
No. She was scared, and confused, but admitting either defeated the purpose of all those years she’d struggled to build her confidence. “This is happening too fast.”
“We can take it slow,” he said, his deep, rich voice still holding the vestiges of desire. Bracing an arm against the wall at the side of her head, he skimmed his knuckles down her cheek in a feather-light caress. “As slow and easy as you need it to be.”
Her skin tingled at the thought of how good slow could be with this sexy fantasy man. “Impossible, when I unravel when you just look at me, and I melt when you touch me.” Like now, those insidious fingers of his were causing all kinds of havoc with her libido.
A roguish grin curved his mouth, and he looked pleased with that revelation. “No, slow doesn’t seem to apply to the attraction between us,” he agreed. “But I’m not just talking about sex, Teddy. I’m talking about us.”
She swallowed, hard, trying to keep her rising wariness at bay. “Us?”
“Yeah,” he murmured, trailing that treacherous finger along her jaw to her lobe, eliciting a deep, dark shiver that made her body feel like warm molasses. “You. Me. A slow building relationship. Us.”
She shook her head, feeling crowded, and not just because his body surrounded hers. Emotionally, he was slipping under her skin, forcing her to reevaluate her personal life, and she didn’t care for what she was discovering. Moving around him, she put some distance between them, shoring up her fortitude. “There is no ‘us.’”
“There could be.” When she didn’t respond, the set of his jaw turned determined. “You honestly believe there isn’t something between us worth pursuing?”
She rubbed the slow throb beginning in her temples, and chose her words carefully. “I can’t afford any diversions right now, Austin.” Her voice implored him to understand. “Not when I’m so close to getting everything I’ve worked so hard for. And I can’t allow great sexual chemistry to distract me when I need to stay focused on my job.” She’d only wanted a date for the evening, her own personal fantasy for hire. When had things become so complicated? “Besides, you and I have different goals, and certainly opposite visions of the future.”
“Not as much as you might think,” he said, ruthless intent in his gaze. “Or maybe it’s just easier for you to believe that.”
Anger flared within her, that he’d touched on part of the truth—a truth that made her too vulnerable. She was scared of taking personal, emotional risks, for fear of being stifled. It had taken her years to establish her independence, to gain the self-confidence to stand on her own, and there were always those niggling doubts that she couldn’t mix business with a relationship and find an equal balance. In her experience, the latter always won.
She grasped a stronger argument. “You fulfill women’s fantasies, for crying out loud! How opposite is that?”
He jammed his hands on his lean hips and sighed, sounding as weary as he was beginning to look. “It’s just a job, Teddy, and it isn’t who I am. Fantasy for Hire was a means to an end. It isn’t my entire life.”
There was more. She could see it in his eyes. But she didn’t want to hear anything else, didn’t want to give him a chance to sway her decision. “As much as I want you, I can’t do this right now. I don’t have time in my life for a relationship, and that’s not fair to you.”
He stepped toward her, so genuine and understanding. “Teddy—”
She held up a hand to stop him, knowing his touch to be a powerful persuasion. “Please, Austin,” she beseeched him. “Don’t make this any more difficult than it already is. You’re a great guy, and you deserve better than what I can offer you, which is nothing permanent.” She bit her bottom lip, acknowledging on some feminine level that she wished she could be the kind of woman he wanted, but she wasn’t cut out for marriage, and babies, and all those other things that tied a person down and restricted their freedom.
He stared at her for a long, intense moment, his green eyes darkening with resignation. “All right,” he finally relented, and swiped his jacket from the floor. “You win, Teddy.”
It wasn’t a joyful victory. Her throat burned, and her chest hurt at the thought of never seeing him again. She opened the door before she changed her mind. “Thank you, Austin. For everything.”
“The last thing I want is your gratitude for something I wanted to do.” Just as he passed through the threshold, he stopped and turned back around, his chiseled features expressing deep regret. “Good luck on your promotion, Teddy. I hope you get everything you want.”
She was certain the double meaning ringing in his words had been unintentional on his part, but it was there nonetheless, haunting her, forcing her to think about what her desire for that promotion might have cost her. She found the thought disturbing.
And then he was gone, leaving only the warm, male scent of his cologne lingering in the entryway, and a horrible sense of loss blossoming within her.
Leaning against the wall for support, she slid down until she was sitting on the carpeted floor, her knees upraised. Dragging a hand through her tangled hair and trying not to think about how much she enjoyed being with Austin, she let out a deep breath that did nothing to ease the new tension banding her chest.
Her gaze landed on the cluster of mistletoe he’d used to seduce her, and she picked it up, holding the sprig of Christmas spirit in the palm of her hand. Her throat tightened, and a piercing pain wrenched her heart.
Damn Austin McBride anyway, for making her realize just how cold and lonely her life was, for making her question everything that was important to her—everything she’d struggled to attain without the support of anyone.
She’d sacrificed so much to prove her own self-worth to her family, to herself. But this sacrifice was hurting more than she’d ever imagined.
Austin stood beneath the hot, stinging spray from the shower. He’d spent a restless night tossing and turning in bed, caused from frustration, confusion and a healthy dose of annoyance that Teddy Spencer had, in effect, brushed him off.
Well, not brushed him off, exactly, he amended as he braced his hands on the tiled wall and dipped his head beneath the invigorating jet of water to rinse his soap-slick body. But her brand of rejection stung nonetheless. He’d served his purpose in aiding Teddy in her plight to dissuade Louden, and she’d never promised him anything beyond last night. He’d known that. He’d followed through with Teddy’s plan with his eyes wide open, knowing it was all an act. So why did he return home last night with his stomach in knots and a keen sense of disappointment riding him hard?