Though he was gay and hadn’t come out to his family back in the UK—his parents still believed his partner Jamie was a woman—he was the only one I could trust to do this for me.
What I had on him would give his father a heart attack. Not that I had to threaten Jeff with that. But it was always good to have information on a friend.
Eton had taught us both that.
Secrets... they made a country go around, had governments tumbling to their knees, and were capable of burning democracy into dust.
No word of a lie.
The Old Boys’ Network ran as rife as ever it had, and laws could be made, deals could be broken, all on secrets that were forged from our time spent at school together.
I could count a prime minister as an old classmate, and there were at least four aides to high ranking ministers in the government in several countries who I classed as ‘friends.’ In the loosest sense of the term, anyway.
“As much as I’d love you to out me to the tabloids, actually, that isn’t why I’m calling.”
He paused. “You don’t want a blood screen?”
It was my turn to heave a sigh. “No.” I winced.
“Then why are you calling me?”
His suspicion was strong enough to make me bark out a laugh. “Here was me thinking we were friends,” I told him, tongue-in-cheek.
“Do any of us have friends?” he asked, the question close to rhetorical.
I hummed, knowing he was right even if, for the first time, I found myself saddened by that particular truth. “Perhaps not. But we know when to lean on people, don’t we? That has to count.”
“Having to lean on someone in the sense that you’re pressuring another person into doing what you want? Yes. Leaning on for support? I doubt it.”
At least he was honest.
“Well, tomorrow… if you could fit me in for a blood screen, I’d appreciate it. But that wasn’t why I called. I-I had a question for you is all.”
“Go ahead. I retain the right not to answer.”
“I’d expect no less,” I said, unoffended even if my tone was dry. “Why haven’t you come out to your parents?”
“Isn’t that obvious?”
He was too surprised to be sarcastic. Too shocked to be anything other than candid.
“Well, perhaps, I’m just not certain why Jamie deals with it.”
“Because his coming out was atrocious. That’s why. My in-laws are heathens. They make our parents look friendly. Americans do puritanism far better than our folks ever could.
“Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know.”
He snorted. “Bullshit.”
“Maybe. I’m not sure. Something happened to me, and I don’t... it’s knocked me for six.”
A long pause ensued, then he rumbled, “Do you want to talk about it?”
I could tell he didn’t want to, and again, I wasn’t offended by his lack of interest. We were cronies, not bosom friends. Still, for all it sounded shitty, he was the only gay man I knew from a similar background to me. Someone who knew about my little dalliances, someone who was tied into secrecy with an NDA I’d had him sign, and whose personal experiences as well as his fortune would keep him from ever being interested in whatever the tabloids had to offer...
That kind of discretion was priceless.
“You dated Jenny Heatherwood for years.”
“I did,” he agreed.
“Do you consider those years to be a waste of time?”
“No. They were part of making me the man I am today. In all honesty, I wouldn’t be able to love Jamie as much as I did if it weren’t for her.” He let out a soft laugh. “She was how I met him, did you know that?”
“I didn’t actually. Wasn’t that awkward?”
“It hurt her at first, but she forgave me after a while.”
“You’re still friends with her?”
He cleared his throat. “More acquaintances. Enough for her to smile at me and not grab a voodoo doll out of cold storage to torture me later on. After the engagement... things became more entangled than I should have let them get.”
“That’s right. You had one foot down the aisle, didn’t you?”
“Yes. Would have been the worst mistake of my life.”
“You love Jamie that much?”
“I do, but mostly, the freedom to be me is what I appreciate far more.” He heaved a sigh. “What’s this about, Devlin? You and I aren’t close enough to talk about these things.”
He wasn’t wrong, and because he’d been truthful with me, I found myself wanting to be truthful with him. “I met someone.” Staring down into the vermouth, I murmured, “It’s strange.”
“Why? Because it’s a he and not a she?”
I blinked. “I suppose.”
“How long have you known him? Are you dating him seriously?”
He asked that just as I was taking a sip of my drink, as a result, I choked on the question because my answer felt like a foolish one. “A day,” I rasped.
“Twenty-four hours?” Jeff asked, seeking clarity, because, I assumed, he thought he’d misheard me.
Who could blame him?
Sheepishly, I replied, “Probably not even that.”
“Are you taking the piss?”
His anger was understandable, even if it was unnecessary. “No. I met him in my usual haunt,” I told him earnestly, when I’d never been earnest with him before in my life.
With anyone, truly.
Apart from Micah today.
When I told him I didn’t have a clue what to do with him, that was the genuine truth.
Perhaps being honest brought out the worst in me.
“A one-night stand?”
“Yes.” I finished off the vermouth before retreating to the bar to pour myself another one. “He works for me.”
“Awkward.”
“Very.”
“Scared of a sexual harassment suit?”
I thought about Micah’s verdant eyes, that honest smile. A genuine wholesomeness that spoke of someone who was eager to live, eager to love... “No. I’m not worried about that.”
“Perhaps you should be,” Jeff said cautiously.
“Perhaps. But that isn’t my issue.”
“No? What is?”
“I want him.” The admission encompassed three words. Why did each one feel as if a lead weight tumbled off my tongue?
“And that’s a bad thing?”
“I don’t suppose it is.” I sucked in a breath. “I’ve just never—”
“Admitted to yourself that you might want a man for more than just a fuckfest that triggers an adrenaline high?”
The words were blunt, but that was what I needed. I tightened my hand around the glass as I thought about today’s meeting, and how it had veered down a path I hadn’t anticipated.
I wasn’t sure how time had passed so quickly while we were together, but bare moments after I’d tucked his dick back into his pants and done the same with my own, after a final kiss that still made everything inside me clench, Sadie had called.
My two o’clock meeting was early, and because it was with my VPs, there was no delaying them, not with the full agenda that would take us most of the afternoon to get through.