He must’ve endured very hard times in his life, trying to manage the animal inside of him.
“I know,” he said hoarsely.
“You know what?” she whispered.
“I know this ruined us. I could see it on your face. Iiiii…” he drawled out, then shook his head and clamped his lips closed.
“You what?”
“I want to make you smile, but maybe I’m not the man who can do that.”
He sat down in the hallway, his shoulder blades pressed against the wall, his legs bent, elbows resting on his knees. “You don’t have to sit close.”
She considered it—sitting on the other side of the bathroom, far away from him. She did consider it, but it didn’t feel right. He was still Kieran. At least right now, in his human skin, he was Kieran. So she sat down in the doorway.
“Who made the scars?” she asked.
“Burke. My mom and dad.” He shrugged. “Scars are normal in my world. From play fighting or real fights. From living in a pride with four dominant personalities. I don’t even Change with Burke anymore. Less bloodshed that way.
“I don’t know your world,” she said softly.
“No one does but lions. It’s easier for humans to go about their lives like the bad parts of ours don’t exist. So we keep quiet. We buy our own woods and Change when no one is looking, and then we go to our nine-to-five jobs like we’re just the same as everyone else. But the truth is…I’m not like the people of this town. And if we…”
“Stayed together?”
“If we stayed together and saw where this went, you would no longer be like the people in this town either.”
She tried to imagine it—her eyes in a lioness’s face. Her eyes changing colors at the Wilson family parties and a growl in her throat, but it wasn’t an easy thing to wrap a mind around.
She was just a pottery maker in a tiny house with a simple life. Or she had been before Kieran had answered her ad.
“I said no predator shifters in my ad.”
Kieran leaned his head back against the wall and looked down his nose at her. “I needed money to pay my property taxes here. It’s a big house and a lot of land, and the property taxes are hard for me every year. I wasn’t supposed to fall for you, Leslie. I was supposed to show a stranger a good time for the holidays, collect my check, and move on without you ever finding out what I really was.”
She offered him a lopsided smile and wiped her damp cheeks with the sleeve of her jacket. “I’ve been researching otters. I made you an otter ornament for Christmas and ordered you some sea urchins from the pet store.”
His stoic face changed in an instant into a laugh.
“It’s not funny.”
“It’s kind of funny.”
“No, it’s not!” She was trying very hard to keep a straight face.
“It’s a very sweet Christmas present.”
“Yeah? Well, now you’re getting coal.”
“Stay with me,” he said suddenly.
“W-what?”
“I hate seeing those tears on your face and knowing they’re my fault. I want your happiness over mine, and I think that’s how this is supposed to be.”
“How what is supposed to be?”
Eyes on her, he murmured, “You know.”
Love.
“Will it hurt?”
“Turning you?”
Leslie nodded.
He was honest with her. “Yes. I have to hurt you to Turn you. But it’ll hurt me worse to do it.”
“You have to bite me?” she asked.
“I have to kill the human in you.”
Her face crumpled again, and she drew her knees up to her chest, buried her chin in her crossed arms. “But I’ll be all right?”
He nodded. “I’ll make sure of it. It’s a big gift to give a man, though, Leslie—your humanity. That’s a big ask. I want you to think about it and take your time to make the decision.”
“Is it always like this? Fast?”
“For me?” He smiled. “My animal liked you from the moment he saw your tie-dyed leggings and wild hair.”
She giggled. “I have a mane.”
“Tell you what. Let’s get through the holidays. I’ll be here. Won’t leave you or get scared off anymore—I’ll just be behind you. Your teammate. Let’s make this a season to remember and deal with the shifter shit afterward. Okay? No more tears.”
“Your lion is humongous.”
“Yeah, well, you should see him when he’s pissed. When I say you’re safe? Woman, you’re absolutely safe. You’ve had a monster behind you this whole time, ready to start a war if someone crossed a line with you. He’s been a little hard to control lately. I’m protective of you.”
She liked that. Liked that she had this secret badass monster watching out for her.
“Do we have time? For me to consider everything?” Her mind was racing a million miles a minute. “Who else knows what you are?”
“Your dad figured it out.”
“Shit!” she cursed, scooching closer to him.
He grinned and leaned forward, grabbed her ankles and dragged her across the floor toward him until her bent legs were settled between his. “He actually kind of gave us his blessing.”
“What in the actual hell is this word combination you just formed with your mouth hole?”
Kieran snorted. “He brought cute pictures of us from the party and told me to go all in or all out with you.”
“Huh.” Everything was weird.
“It’s easy to figure out what I am if someone wants to,” he murmured seriously. “Lions have to be registered as lion shifters from birth, or from the day of Turning. I’m in the system. It’s an easy internet search.”
“My mom will definitely Google you.”
“Yep.”
And Mom would definitely expose him if it got Kieran away from Leslie.
“I can’t marry Gregory Potts.”
“Who is Gregory Potts?”
Leslie slid her hands up his strong arms. “The man my mother thinks deserves my hand.”
“Hmm. Want me to kill him?”
“Ha! I would think you were joking if I hadn’t just witnessed firsthand you turn into a motherfuckin’ lion. A lion, Kieran. With claws and teeth. I’m not siccing you on Mr. Potts.”
“It’s going to be okay.” He’d said it fast. Out of the blue. He brushed his hooked finger under her chin and said, “You were built tough, Leslie. This is a lot, but it’s not too much for a woman like you.” And then he said it again. “Everything will be okay. I’ll make it okay.”
And she believed him.
She believed in him.
He wasn’t hiding anymore. He’d exposed his deep secret, let her into his home, let her meet his brother. Let her meet the monster he kept carefully tucked inside of him.
He’d let her in.
She couldn’t ask for any more from a man. She couldn’t ask for perfection. She wasn’t perfect either, but with him, she felt valued. And she wanted him to feel the same.
“Your lion is okay.”
He searched her eyes, the gold in his irises glowing. They filled with a deep emotion that punched a hole in her gut before he dropped his gaze.