She had separated the papers into three piles, one for shredding and disposal, one for filing, and one she needed to act on, somehow. She was smiling to herself because the piles seemed to represent the different issues in her life when she came across a paper that gave her pause. She sat back in her chair and frowned as she read the piece of paper. It was a single sheet with a business card stapled to it on the upper right-hand side. It appeared to be post-operative instructions on the proper treatment after a vasectomy. The business card was for a local doctor, although one she had never heard of, or used, before. Why on earth would this be mixed up in their household papers? Her mouth had become dry, and she had a queasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. This must belong to her husband, but that didn't make any sense! She had a hysterectomy several years before they married. Why would he have information on getting a vasectomy? She reassured herself that there must be a perfectly acceptable reason for it, although even if there was, why had she not heard about this before now? Hell, she hadn't even noticed him limping around, either. The fact that he hadn't come looking for sympathy after something like that seemed a further suggestion that he had deliberately hidden this from her. How could she not consider his intentions suspicious in this case?
She would deal with this later when she could calmly ask her husband about it. She carefully set the paper to the side and continued working on the stack before her.
Later that evening, she was setting dinner down in front of him when the phone rang. He quickly grabbed it and walked into the other room. She could hear him talking, but couldn't make out the words. Not that she was trying to eavesdrop she reassured herself, she was just curious.
"Who were you talking to?" she asked him, a few minutes later when he walked back into the kitchen.
"Just someone from work," he answered. "This smells wonderful!"
Deliberately, she pushed the uneasy feeling she had about confronting him aside. She needed to get a few things out in the open and ask for some explanations. She couldn't keep functioning with an ever-growing list of topics she couldn't talk to him about. It was now or never.
"So, I finally got some of the paperwork cleared out today," she started.
"Oh good, if we're moving, we'll need to make sure we've gone through everything, and only kept what we really need," he commented.
"When I was going through the papers, I came across some information on post-operative care after a vasectomy," she began. "Do you know why we would have that?"
"Oh, that's months old, you can throw it out," he said, as he dug into his dinner.
"But why was it here in the first place?" she pressed.
"It was probably from months ago when I had my vasectomy," he answered.
She sat there, stunned. So, the paperwork was his. He had gone and had a vasectomy without talking to her. Why would he do this when there was no chance of her getting pregnant anyway?
"You had a vasectomy?" she asked, incredulous.
"Yes, a few months ago," he responded.
"But," she shook her head in confusion. "Why would you have a vasectomy?"
"We weren't getting along very well, and it's something I always assumed I'd do anyway," he explained. "Before we got married, I mean, I always assumed I would get a vasectomy because I've never wanted kids."
"But I don't understand," she pursued. "I get that you don't want to have any kids, but it isn't possible anyway with my hysterectomy."
"I know, but as I said, we weren't getting along," he answered calmly, as though that explained everything.
She sat back in her chair, her brow furrowed in confusion.
"What does that have to do with anything?" she asked. "What does it matter if we were getting along or not?"
"I don't know, why are you making such a big deal about this?" he said. "It isn't as though we had planned on having any kids, what difference does it make?"
"That's not the point," she said.
"Then what is the point?" he asked quietly, as though daring her to push the issue.
"Why did you have an unnecessary medical procedure and not even tell me about it?" she asked, determined to get to the bottom of it.
"I told you," he said, with a patient sigh. "I always assumed I would get a vasectomy and when we weren't getting along, it seemed like I might as well get it done."
They sat at the table, staring at each other. She was perplexed and upset; he was becoming exasperated at her apparent inability to understand what he was telling her. Finally, she asked the question that had been circling in her mind ever since she'd found the paperwork.
"Did you intend to leave me?" she asked. "When things were rough, did you get a vasectomy because you were planning on leaving?"
"I wouldn't say I was planning on it, but yes, the thought that we wouldn't last went through my head," he admitted. "Don't tell me it didn't cross your mind?"
"Yes, I was worried," she admitted. "But I still didn't go and secretly have an unnecessary medical procedure because of it."
"It wasn't secretly," he explained. "I just didn't mention it because we weren't talking much."
He made it sound so reasonable, as though it was the most natural and obvious thing to do when you are going through a rough time in your marriage. But it left an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. There was nothing to say to him, as he had an easy answer for everything, but she was left with a sick queasiness that just wouldn't be calmed.
Was she ever going to feel settled and content in her marriage? Even when he was communicating, and they were spending time together, things kept coming up that blindsided her peace. Whatever happened to the calm life she had anticipated when they married?
Chapter Thirty-One
Olivia
H er boys had taken the news of their engagement in stride. In fact, Olivia wasn't all that sure she knew what to think of their reaction.
"Oh, okay," Jonathon said. "Congrats."
"Yeah, congrats," Adam echoed.
"Does this mean we're going to have to move?" Adam asked.
"Um, I don't know for sure," Olivia replied. "We haven't gotten that far in the planning."
And they were off to their rooms. She wasn't sure what she'd expected from them, but this seemed to be almost anti-climactic. Surely the news of their mother getting married should have elicited more of a reaction?
Oh well. It was hard enough to know what teens were thinking, never mind male teens, she decided. She was sure though, that she would receive a more excited response from her friends, and she couldn't wait to tell Terri and April. Her friends had been with her on this single's journey for years, and they would appreciate how excited she was to be engaged to the man of her dreams.
"Wow, that was quick!" Terri responded. "Are you sure you aren't moving too fast?"
It wasn't quite the response she had hoped for, and she sat there for a moment, unsure what to say.
"I mean, I'm happy for you and everything," Terri continued. "It's just very sudden."