My Brody. Jesus.
“Actually, it’s me that owes you an apology.” Clearing my throat, I tracked his movement as he came around the counter to sit on the bar stool opposite me. “I know I’m not good at asking for help or letting people in. Anytime I’ve thought I could depend on someone, they’ve let me down. I’ve learned if I assume the worst of people, then I’m disappointed from the start, right?” I knew my smile wasn’t hiding my pain. “I know I have my baggage—leaning on someone, trusting them to be there, it’s like acknowledging I can’t do it all. But self-preservation tells me that I have to do it all because everyone else will let me down.” I pushed out a heavy breath.
“My dad took full advantage of the football lifestyle. Cheated on my mom, partied too hard, drank too much, and took too many pills. Hell, I am the product of my father knocking up a Bulldogs cheerleader.” I chuckled, but even I could hear the sarcasm. “Sometimes I wonder how many half siblings I have that I don’t know about. The fact that you play football makes it even harder for me to trust, but I’m trying. I promise I am.”
“What about your mom?” His voice held such concern.
“After my dad died, inside of six months, Audrey Costello dumped me at a boarding school with what little money we had left so she could find her next cash cow.”
The muscle in his jaw ticked. “Then she married the Dick Head—who treats everyone like shit on his shoes.”
“My mom included. Dick likes to hold money over her head. He thought he could do that to me, too. He even cut me off financially a while back because I wouldn’t let him manipulate me with money like he does my mother.” I sniffed. Do I tell him about Trey, too? That Dick cut me off financially when I refused to marry Dr. Chase? As much as I wanted to, I couldn’t. If Brody knew that the team’s head orthopedist had cheated on me then harassed me for years... I couldn’t taint the working relationship between them. “Dick has never warmed to me, never tried to be a father to me. I am simply my mother’s baggage, and I have no idea why. There was a time when I was younger that I wanted him to accept me, but he never did.”
He rolled his lips in as he wet the bottom lip with his tongue. “I’m so sorry Lil. I can’t imagine the pain you must have felt losing your dad, but not being able to count on your mom...”
“Anyhow.” I shrugged. “That’s why I don’t let myself depend on other people, and I guess... I’m afraid you’ll let me down, too. I don’t want that.”
I met his eyes for my next words. “Because I care about you, too.”
Elbow on the counter, Brody rubbed his thumb over his bottom lip as he listened without interrupting.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell anyone about the note. I should have, I know that. But I was afraid you all might back out on me or try to talk me into slowing down. I didn’t realize how selfish it was until you pointed out I’m not the only one who could get hurt. I never want to put my friends in danger. I realize this is more than a friends vibe between us, but even if we were only friends, with nothing else between us, it would still break my heart if you were to turn out like everyone else. Understand?”
With a soft touch, he turned my face back to his. “Better than you think I do. When you’re in the limelight, everybody has a handout or a fucking agenda. Every screwup you’ve ever had follows you forever and gets dredged back up at every chance. The granddaughter thing... I didn’t know you knew about that, but it set off a chain reaction with the team. Hell, I half think they want to get rid of me.”
“Brody, you want me to trust you, but I can’t do that blindly at this point. I’m not built that way. Tell me your side. What happened with the granddaughter?”
He sighed, pinched the bridge of his nose. “I had no idea she was Barnett’s granddaughter. Ashlyn approached me in a bar after an away game we’d lost. I’d been drinking, I hadn’t been with anyone in close to a year. I just needed to blow off some steam, is all. I slept with her once. But she misled me on purpose. I thought she was older than she was. I didn’t know her last name, didn’t give her my number, but she’d planned out this grand life with me she told her granddad all about. We were going to have babies together and she was moving in with me. Honestly, I think the old man knew she was making shit up, but he had to save face, ya know? It’s stuff like that that makes me skeptical of everyone around me. The media...” He shook his head. “Boring Brody doesn’t sell magazines the way manwhore Brody used to.” The muscle in his jaw twitched. “I shouldn’t have raised my voice, though. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t scare me, Brody Shaw.”
He blew out a frustrated breath. “That’s the problem, Liliana. You’re concerned for your friends, for your dogs, but not for yourself. You’re not invincible, damn it. Neither am I.” Brody cupped my jaw, pleading with me. “I care about you too damn much to watch you get yourself hurt because of all this.”
I pulled back, my own forehead furrowing. “I’m not walking away, Brody. Those dogs need us.”
“I’m not suggesting that. I can’t be complicit either. I want you to slow down, is all.”
He slid off his stool. Those warm chocolaty eyes penetrated my every cell. “Ease off until after camp is over, Lil. That’s all. We’ll make them think you took the threat seriously. Do the research, work on our next step, but leave the rest until I get back. That’s all I’m asking. Please.”
“When you get back, you’ll go straight into the season. You won’t have time for any of this!” I shoved back, got to my feet to put distance between us. I couldn’t think straight with him that close.
“I promise I’ll make time. We may have to do things at odd hours, shuffle stuff around, but I promise I will be there every step of the way. We’re a team, darlin’. I don’t leave my teammates’ asses hanging out in the wind. Especially when the ass is as nice as yours.” He grinned.
I’ll never know unless I try. “I’m counting on you, Shaw. Don’t let me down.”
“I won’t,” he said in earnest.
My mouth kicked up. “Okay. Me and my ass will wait until you get back.”
“Thank fuck,” he whispered as he closed in on me with that big body. When his scent teased my nose, what had been kindling when I walked in lit on fire.
“Brody...” It wasn’t a prelude to my dissent. It was a yearning I wouldn’t deny.
He cares about me.
Brody Shaw had wormed his way into my heart despite my best efforts. This man would leave me devastated; I was sure. Pulse kicking up, my breath escaped in a rush.
Brody reached for my waist, stopping short as he balled his hands into fists.