“Maybe a rain check?” I say, feeling like a jerk for turning him down yet again. But I can’t fathom allowing anyone inside my life or my heart the way I let him in.
“If I get a promise on the rain check.” He sticks his hand out, waiting for me to take it. Knowing I’ll probably say no the next time too, I give in. His touch doesn’t feel right. It’s not the one I want to be making promises to. I pull back, trying to keep it together as my anxiety takes flight. Keep it together. Keep it together.
Class ends, and I busy myself with my bag while another girl snags Evan’s attention. Sneaking out the side door, I rush outside, trying to catch my breath, but even the fresh air doesn’t allow my lungs to expand.
“Why did you do this to us?” I whisper out loud, wishing he would appear and answer me. Sighing, I push off the building and go the opposite way of my next class. Violet is gone for the weekend and already texted saying she’ll be blowing off class. There’s no way I’m going to psychology alone.
I head back to the dorms.
Our room is too quiet, my thoughts are too loud, and I’ve barely slept a wink. My mind is starting to turn on me. Should I have fought harder? Was it something I did to push him away? Was I too needy, too giving, or not enough? With every thought comes a regret. With every regret comes the urge to call him.
I’m so conflicted. My heart aches for him. Maybe I should just go home. Dad’s out of town, but maybe what I need is something familiar. My bed. My dad’s stash of expensive liquor.
By the time I make up my mind to head home, it’s close to eight in the evening. I hate driving at night, but snuggling up with my old covers and pillow will make it worth it. Even cuddling my old teddy bear sounds therapeutic. Top Hits play on the radio as I stare out at the road. When I pull into town, I break down and shoot off a simple text.
Me: I know you want nothing to do with me, but I just want to talk. My dad’s out of town, so I’m heading home. You know where I’ll be if you want to talk.
I watch as the three dots fill my screen. His reply is instant.
Gabriel: Where are you right now? Hazel, do not go home.
His reply is odd. It annoys me that that’s the only thing he cares about. As if he cared about me staying at school and focusing on my studies when he demanded me to his house every other day. I pull into my driveway, regretting texting him at all. Getting out of my car, I slam the door, noticing lights on in the house. Confused, I walk up to the front door and enter my key code.
There are too many lights on for my dad to be out of town, and the smell of pizza lingers in the air. My phone starts to buzz. Gabriel.
Feeling braver, I decide to answer it. “Are you calling to boss me around because I’m not really in the—”
“Where are you?”
“I just got home. Why?” I walk through the foyer, hearing faint voices.
“Hazel, I want you to turn around and leave. Come to me right now.”
His demand only annoys me more. “No, Gabriel, I’m done coming to you. If you want to talk, you can…” My voice trails off as the voices become louder, clearer. “What the…?”
“Hazel, listen to me…”
I almost drop my phone. The two voices are coming from the entertainment room. The first is clearly my father. The second one, though… It can’t be…
“Then let’s tell her together! Yes, she’s going to be mad, but if she loves you, she’ll understand. She’ll want you to be happy.”
“And you think that’s with you?”
“Fuck you, Heath. I’m not playing this game anymore. Clearly, I was wrong about what we had.”
“HAZEL—!”
I hang up on Gabriel as I turn the corner, finding Violet and my dad half-naked. “Dad?” I call his name, utterly shocked. “Violet?” My voice cracks.
“Baby girl, it’s not what you think.” Dad steps away from a naked Violet. He tries to console me, but I slap his hand away, my eyes burning into Violet.
“You’ve got to be kidding me. Tell me this is not what it looks like. I swear to God…” What is it with everyone betraying me? I bite down on my lower lip to the brink of breaking the skin and run out of the room. I hear the loud footsteps of my dad behind me. His hand clasps on my shoulder, and I whip around, but she’s standing behind him. I finally snap.
“How could you, you slut! He’s my fucking dad!” I scream, my throat burning. I push at my dad and go after her, but he grabs me and pulls me back. I want to smack the guilt from her deceiving face.
“Hazel, I swear, I didn’t plan this. It just happened—”
“Fuck you, you whore!” I go at her again, only to have my dad stop me.
“Hazel, baby girl, please.” He tries to soothe me, but I push him away.
“Oh, no. Don’t you pull this baby girl bullshit on me! You should know better.” I can’t breathe. Everything is spinning. This can’t be happening. I don’t know who to turn my anger on. I hate them both. “You should fucking know better!” I throw my finger at Violet, never taking my eyes off my dad. “How could you? She was my friend.” My voice cracks.
“I’m still your friend!”
My dad doesn’t catch me fast enough this time, and I throw myself at her, taking a swing. My nails make contact with her face, and her cheek instantly stains red. “Fuck you! You’re not my friend! You never were. Slut! Whore! Fucking tramp! No wonder your mother hates you. You probably did sleep with her boyfriends!” I scream and yell, spewing all the hatred I feel for her, my dad, for everyone else in my life.
“Hazel, that’s enough!” Dad says, taking her side, and the world below me shifts. How can everyone in my life care so little about me? My bottom lip trembles. Fat, angry tears fall down my face.
“I’m sorry.” Violet sputters out. “I never meant for you to find out this way.”
“Too late. Get the fuck out of my house.”
“I’ll take you home,” Dad says, turning now to Violet. Another blow to me. He’s choosing her over me. Like he does with everything else.
“No, you won’t!” I snap. “She’s a big girl. She can find her own way home.”
“Hazel—”
“No, she’s right. I’m fine,” Violet says, and without another word, she walks out of my house.
As soon as the front door shuts, I pick up the porcelain vase on the entryway console and throw it. Dad ducks just as it slams into the wall, shattering behind him.
“Jesus, Hazel. Calm—”
I pick up another vase and smash it against the wall. “You want me to calm down?” My own reality is slipping. “You want me to calm down?” Another expensive sculpture shatters against the wall. “How about you explain to me how you can be such a fucking asshole!” I scream. “You’re fucking my roommate! My roommate! How could you?” Tears blind me as they rush in violent waves down my cheeks.
Dad tries to take a step toward me, but I threaten him with another pricey decor piece. “Don’t touch me. I can’t believe you. How long, huh? How long have you been fucking my best friend? Jesus, you’re more than twice her age. Couldn’t you find someone your own age or at your clubs? You had to go for my roommate?!” I attempt to throw the statue, but he tackles me before I get a good launch. His large arms wrap around me, and I fight in his hold. I drop the sculpture, and it shatters at our feet. My fists beat against his chest as I wail and scream how much I hate him. How I hate her. I never want to see either one of them again. When I’ve expended all my energy, I push away from him. The reality of it all weighs too heavy on my chest, and I’m suffocating in the betrayal from all the people I thought loved me.