He steps into a pair of shorts and turns to address me. The strain in his eyes makes me wish I didn’t bring it up.
“Hazel, we’ve talked about this.”
“Have we? We’ve talked about me being yours. And continuing what we’re doing. But is that all we are? A sexual relationship?”
“You know that’s not the case.”
“Do I?”
He huffs and leaves the room. I should have kept my mouth shut. But how long can I keep these concerns to myself? I want more, but deep down, I wonder if I’d actually walk away from him or suffer through settling until he let me go.
“Gabriel, wait. Just hear me out. I’m just saying we should talk about it. My dad may understand. Ever since Violet—”
He whips around, his carefree smile gone. “Hazel, we’ve gone over this. Things are different with us.”
“They don’t have to be.”
“They do have to be. I have a lot riding on this. I want you. God knows I do, but that doesn’t mean I’m in a spot to risk everything for it.”
He might as well take a knife and stab me in the heart for the pain his words inflict. I flinch and step back. “You know that’s not what I mean.” He comes back for me, but I slap his hand away when he tries to reach for me.
“No, I know exactly what you’re saying. I’m not good enough for you. I’m not important enough. I’m not worth it.”
“Hazel—”
“Screw you, Gabriel.”
Anger spreads across his face, his jaw wound tight. “Watch it, love. You may be able to play with me in the bedroom, but I won’t tolerate your mouth outside of it.”
His warning slides off me. I’m not fazed by his building temper. “And maybe I don’t give a shit.” He takes another threatening step toward me just as fast as I retreat. “Do you know what I think about at night when I’m not with you? What I would give up to be next to you? How I would sacrifice parts of myself just to be near you? To be yours. Fully. I dream about us being real. Not this dirty little secret. A secret that seems to be enough for you. But you know what? That’s just not enough for me anymore. Being yours means more than just being yours in the bedroom. And I can’t—I can’t be just that anymore.”
He wants to say something, but he remains silent, and it makes my heart break even more. Fight for me, Gabriel. Fight for us. Still, after the first tear falls, he remains silent.
“And you wanna know the saddest part in all this? For so long, I was okay with that. I was willing to stay. To be yours. Take any part of you I could get. Even if it killed me inside not to have all of you. I thought I was going to come here and confess the biggest secret of all. That I’m in love with you. But silly me.”
He stiffens at my confession as if I slapped him with my words. My heart slices in two. Maybe he’s been right the whole time. Maybe this fairytale isn’t meant for me, but I refuse to walk out of here until he knows every single secret I’ve kept hidden about the life I long for.
I inhale deeply, exhaling a staggered breath. “And the silly part of me thought maybe…” I hiccup, choking on my emotions, “just maybe, once I confessed how I felt, you would reciprocate. Ease my worries and tell me you loved me too. That our nights together were more than just sex for you. But I guess I was wrong.”
He still doesn’t move, and my sadness morphs into anger. “Fucking say something, dammit!” I yell, unable to take his silence any longer. “Be a man. Tell me you want me or set me loose. Stop being a fucking coward!”
He advances, and before I have time to react, he grabs hold of my bicep. There’s an angry storm brewing behind his dark eyes. He pushes me back against the wall, his threatening stare cold and rigid, momentarily making me regret my words. “You think this is a game, Hazel? That I just confess my love, and we ride off into the sunset? You think this ends with us happy?” he hisses, his breath hitting my face. “That’s where you’re wrong. Where you’re ignorant in thinking this is your happily ever after. This is our ending.”
I barely see him through the tears pouring down my face. “Answer me,” he growls. I try, but my words are lodged in my throat. He shakes me, demanding, “Answer me! How do you possibly think this ends when I tell your father about us? How. Does. This. End?” His voice is raised. I fight to catch my breath as I cry—for the way he’s speaking to me, and the way he talks down to me as if I’m nothing to him—as if I didn’t just confess I’m in love with him.
“Let me go,” I cry.
“No. Answer me.” He shakes me again. “Answer me! Dammit, answer me! Stop being so damn foolish, Hazel! You want something that cannot happen. We’re done if Heath finds out. End of story. So, you choose.” A raging sea of anger brews in his smoldering gaze as he waits for me to answer. My chest pounds. My tears fall. My heart shatters. I love him with everything inside me. But I deserve better. I deserve to be noticed. I deserve to not be someone’s secret.
He must sense the resolution in my eyes because he suddenly releases me and steps away.
I inhale deeply until I find the courage buried under the wreckage of my emotions. “You’re right. I understand now.” I wipe at my tears, finding solace in my decision. “Goodbye, Gabriel.”
His eyes shine with shock. Maybe mine do as well. This wasn’t where I saw this going. I can’t imagine him no longer in my life, but I can’t be what he wants. If I am, it will end up killing me when he gets bored of me and sets me free. He doesn’t say another word, guarding his emotions with a blank stare.
I slide away from the wall and walk back to the room. Gathering my clothes, I redress and walk out of his house, and his life, leaving my heart in a massacred pile at his feet.
Hazel
I never planned on falling in love with a man like Gabriel Walker. A man who could never be mine. The fairytales always have a way of making you feel like it all works out in the end. Love is love. It’s an infinite resolution as long as you believe. If two people really are bound to one another, anything is possible. From the start, all the odds were against us. We were an obstacle not meant to be conquered. Gabriel let me walk out of his house that night. He didn’t come after me and make me stay and work it out. He didn’t bother to call me in hopes of reconciling our dispute. He didn’t call to confess that he felt the same way and would do what it took to be with me. He just let me leave.
The drive back home was a blur.
The explanation I gave Violet and my dad was barely believable. I showed up at my nanny position no longer needed. Which wasn’t entirely a lie. I broke down, blaming my emotions on needing the money, even though my dad is filthy rich and I will never want for anything. I asked to be alone and spent the rest of the night drowning in my own tears.
The rest of the break was just as foggy, and I numbly worked my way through each day. My dad looked worried, and Violet was even more suspicious. She knew something was going on. She recognized heartache after going through this with my dad. I ached to tell her and finally have someone to confide in. But why bother now? He doesn’t want anything more from me.
Therefore, I’m done.