“I prefer… buttered popcorn saltwater taffy.” Taffy had always been my favorite, much to my dentist’s horror. “Here. Drink some water.”
“Can’t.”
“I’ve gotta be firm on this. You’ve sweated a ton. Drink.”
“I hate water.”
“Drop some candy in it. Ever drink those hint of fruit waters?”
“The fuck? Do I look like I drink fruit waters?”
“Hey, you want to punch me?” I got pillows from the second bed and shoved my hands into the cases to hold them like boxing targets. “Go ahead.”
He gave my left hand a wallop so hard it stung my skin even through the foam rubber. That didn’t deter me from the activity.
“Left now.” He walloped the pillows, left, right, left. We were doing fine until he retched and ran to the bathroom.
“Leave it unlocked.”
The bathroom door slammed shut. I didn’t try it because I knew I could open it easily even if he had locked it. From inside, the sound of his body throwing off poison could be heard, along with cursing and crying. The shower started. The unmistakable smell of sick and feces stole into the room like a fog.
Just another day in paradise.
I got up and did a couple yoga poses to stretch and relax.
After a while, I knocked. “You need anything?”
Silence.
“Tug?” When we’d first arrived, I’d checked the bathroom window.
It was too small for an adult to crawl through. It might be possible for someone thin who was really determined. It would scrape him up pretty badly though. I braced myself and opened the door. Tug lay in the tub covered with a wet sheet. At first, I was sure he was dead—he was so pale—but his chest rose and fell.
I didn’t touch him, not even to cover him more. Gayle told me he’d sleep in fits and starts, and I couldn’t bear to cheat him out of the rest he was getting. If it went on too long, I’d have to worry about his body temperature, but the room was still warm with steam, and the sheet hadn’t cooled.
There was a mess on the floor, but I stayed clear of it. I closed the door, sat with my back to it, and listened to the sound of him breathing.
If my friends could see me now. They would totally believe this because I was known for taking care of sick people. I didn’t really mind it, whereas my mom, for example, threw up whenever the dog got sick.
Would I ever get used to the smell of puke and diarrhea?
Nope. Not ever.
We’re not meant to get used to those things. They’re the body’s red alert that something has gone wrong. We’re meant to respond viscerally to the smell of decay, or rot, or filth. Our hindbrain should say, “Run away. Danger.”
My lizard brain was functioning perfectly, but I ignored it on behalf of the man asleep in the tub.
Five minutes went by. Ten.
“No.” He startled awake. “Shit.”
He rose with a wet slurp and crawled out of the tub, leaving the sheet behind.
Oh my. Tug was all grown-up.
I glimpsed his nakedness for a brief, shocking second before turning away.
“Your ears are turning red.” Guess he caught me.
“Yeah, well. Venus on the half shell you are not.” I tossed him a couple of hand towels I’d brought from home. “Mind cleaning up? I’ll bring you a plastic bag for dirty laundry.”
“Shit.” He blanched when he saw the mess. “Get out and let me clean.”
“Thanks.” I breathed a serious sigh of relief when I left the bathroom. The bedroom smelled only a little better, but it was enough. I’d have opened the door, but honestly, the place was such a dive I worried what might fly or crawl—or walk—in if I did that.
A glance in the mirror over the dresser told me I looked pretty rough myself. I needed some air.
Tug returned from the bathroom wearing a towel.
“I’m going to step outside for a minute. There are clothes in the bags I brought. Cup noodles and snacks if you’re hungry.”
“I’m not.” If possible, his face paled further. “How long was I out?”
“Ten minutes.”
His shoulders drooped but he bounced on the balls of his feet.
“Still hurt?” I asked.
“Everywhere.” Clammy looking sweat began to bead on his forehead.
“I’ll be just outside if you need me.” I took my phone but not my tablet.
If Tug wanted to, he could pick up the land line and have heroin delivered. He could steal my shit or knock me over the head and sneak away. There wasn’t anything I could do about that.
My rather limited choices left me feeling free-ish.
I walked to the vending machine and bought myself a coke.
Bring on the sugar and caffeine, yo. We’re all addicts of a kind.
After a bit, I knocked and offered him another clonidine.
“Here, take this. It’s time.”
“Not gonna stay down.”
“I’ll research what to do in that case. It’s supposed to help though.”
“This is so miserable.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t.”
“You’re right. But I was in the hospital for a while when I was a kid. I know what it’s like to be sick and in pain.”
“What happened?”
“Got hit by a car. I was between school and home, and I remember being really scared. I thought I’d die before my mom even knew I was hurt. There’s no comparison, but I know what it’s like to be down and hurt everywhere.”
“That sucks.” Tug closed his eyes. “I didn’t know that happened.”
“You probably weren’t even in school then. An ambulance came and took me to the hospital while the police talked to witnesses and tracked Mom down, but I didn’t know any of that. She and Dad closed the shop and came as soon as they found out, of course.”
“Of course.”
I ignored his sarcasm. “Thing is, I was supposed to wait and walk home with my older brothers and sister. Mark and Chloe were in middle school, and Ben was in high school at the time, but they always picked me up, and we walked home together. I was pissed off about something, so I didn’t wait for them. I don’t even remember what. I snuck away while they were looking for me.”
“Were you a bad boy, Luke? Can’t picture it.”
“They remind me often that I was stupid, but I had the green light. I was in the crosswalk. It would have been fine only I was short, and it was one of those asshole trucks with big wheels that hit me. Driver never even saw me.”
“Bet they gave you the good drugs, huh?”
“I don’t know. Maybe?” Tug didn’t look so good. I went to the bathroom and wet a washcloth. “Here. Lie down with this on your forehead.”
“Not going to help.”
“Humor me.”
“What I don’t get is if you had the drugs back then, how come you don’t chase that high now?” He blinked up at me with wide, watery eyes. “You’ve tasted it, right? That drop when everything falls away.”
“I think they had me under for the surgeries, but I was out of it most of the time. I don’t remember ever thinking this feels good. I hurt all over.”