The color under Auggie’s light brown skin was a dark, dusky red. His chin came up. “I’m taking this seriously.”
“Then act like it.”
He bit his lip, and for a moment, his eyes were shiny. Then he blinked and said, “She’s the dealer.”
“How do you know she’s Cal’s dealer?”
“I’ll tell you in the car if you want to go with me. If you don’t want to, then I’m going by myself.”
“I’m here, aren’t I?” Theo said.
In the Civic, they were both silent for the first five minutes of the drive. The car provided its own soundtrack: the screech of brakes, an ominous gasping noise on even the slightest hills, and a rhythmic whumping that kicked on and off to no pattern that Theo could discern.
“We’ll have to be fast,” Auggie said. “There’s a party tonight at the house. Everybody’s going to be there.”
Theo rolled down the window.
“Dylan will probably be there.”
Theo put his hand out to catch the breeze. The air felt good between his fingers.
“Maybe I’ll see if Sadie’s got any good weed.”
“You made your point, Auggie.”
“I’m not making a point.”
“You just wanted to casually remind me that you do drugs.”
“Not everything is about you, Theo. I didn’t change my clothes to make you mad. And I’m just making conversation.”
Shaking his head, Theo tried to concentrate on the portion of Wahredua they were passing through. It was mostly a blur. An aluminum mailbox with stick-on numbers. A newspaper still in its plastic, although it had obviously been left out in the rain. How long, Theo wondered. A week? Two? A month? A Pepsi two-liter caught in a storm drain.
Then he was talking even though he didn’t want to. “So now you’re a frat boy.”
“What?”
“Last year, you started off as the tough guy with the cigarettes rolled in your sleeve. Then, for a while, you actually seemed like a human being. Now you’re a frat boy. Next thing, you’ll be talking about all that pussy you’re getting. You’ll be a straight boy in a rugby shirt. Send me an invite when you get that tribal tattoo. I want to make sure I’m keeping up.”
Auggie’s hands tightened on the wheel. When he spoke, his voice was thick. “Fuck you. Why are you so mean to me?”
“Because you’re trying to make me mad with this bullshit. And I am mad. And I’m scared. And I look at you, and I think about Luke, and I can’t even see straight. My brother died, Auggie. He died caught up in this kind of shit. And now you’re doing it too. I can’t even breathe. I thought maybe you’d started thinking clearly when you didn’t talk about this for months, and now, out of the blue, I find out you’ve been looking for drug dealers this whole time. My heart just about jumped out of my chest. Jesus, Auggie, how the fuck am I not supposed to be terrified that something’s going to happen to you?”
They drove for another mile, start-and-stop traffic, a long red light, someone’s car thumping with bass, the smell of fried chicken from the KFC on the next block.
“I’m sorry,” Theo said. He risked a look; Auggie’s jaw was still set. “That was a lot to unload on you. I’ve been carrying it around, and I didn’t know how to say it. I definitely didn’t want to say it like that.”
“No, it’s—” His voice was strained. “It makes sense. I knew about Luke. I just didn’t put it together. And I wish you had told me that’s why you were acting so weird. I thought you just hated me because I saw you, you know, when you weren’t having a good night. And it’s been really hard because you’re my friend and I’ve really missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too.”
The street they were on was residential, with small frame houses and untended yards. On the closest lot, a pair of pink flamingos had been nail-gunned into a plastic swimming pool—on the off chance they might decide to take flight, Theo guessed. Auggie nosed the car up to the curb, parallel with the flamingos. Then he wiped his eyes. Then he put his hand over his face, and his shoulders shook.
“I’m sorry, Auggie. I shouldn’t have said those things.” He touched Auggie’s arm, and Auggie turned into him, sobbing, and buried his face in Theo’s shoulder. Theo held himself stiffly at first, and then his arms closed around Auggie, pulling him tight, and he strummed his fingers up and down Auggie’s ribs and made quieting noises.
“It’s not that,” Auggie finally said when he pulled away. His eyes were red, and he wiped his face again. “I had this horrible Thanksgiving break, and things are so bad at home, and Fer won’t say it but I know I’m just making his life harder, and Chuy is a mess like Luke, and he’s going to die, and Dylan won’t even acknowledge I’m alive, and you wouldn’t talk to me, and—and I thought I’d wear that dumb outfit and you’d laugh or smile or something, but you were just mad, and things got worse when I tried to sound cool, and then I ended up crying like a huge baby, and I’m tired of being the baby. I’m always the baby.”
In spite of his best efforts, Theo started to laugh.
“Stop it,” Auggie said, jabbing him in the ribs.
Theo laughed harder.
“God, you’re the worst,” Auggie said. He smiled, though. “I haven’t heard you laugh in a long time.”
“I don’t think I’ve laughed in a long time. Let’s do this one by one, shall we?”
“Do what?”
“First, you’re not a baby for crying. My parents fucked me up in a million ways, but that’s not one of them. If you want to cry, cry. If you don’t, don’t.”
“You don’t cry.”
“I’m not exactly a model for how to deal with your problems, Auggie. Second, I’m going to apologize again for being a jerk. I’m sorry, Auggie. I just can’t seem to say anything right around you anymore, but I know I shouldn’t have treated you that way. Will you forgive me?”
“Yeah, duh. And I’m sorry that I’m—you know, I guess I take things the wrong way or too seriously or whatever.”
“Are we ok?”
“Definitely.”
“Ok, number three, Dylan—”
Auggie made the sound of screeching brakes. “Nope.”
“Why not?”
“Umm, gee, well, I don’t know, maybe because I’d rather be hit by a truck and then be chopped up for circus-animal food.”
“You helped me with Cart,” Theo said.
“Please let’s jump over Dylan. I don’t want to talk about him with you.”
“Ok. If you change your mind, I promise I will try to be less of a prick than normal.”
“Wow.”
“I know. It’ll be hard.” Theo grinned, and it felt like a foreign expression after all those months. Then the grin dropped away. “Tell me about Chuy and Fer.”