Chin low and mouth gaped, Evi makes her hair a mess with a hand. “The weather outside is fabulous today, Tess.” She strokes Sadie’s coat.
Turning to my right, I glance out the window and then my eyes find Evi’s once more. “Yes, it is.” I laugh a little thinking of my last thought. “I’ve been sitting here all morning.” I gesture toward the window with my teacup in hand. “The sunrise this morning was spectacular.”
Evi offers me a tight-lipped smile. “Yes, I saw it myself too.” She snatches up Sadie’s leash and fixes it around the dog’s neck, still petting her while Sadie goes wild licking and kissing her face. “Are you ready to go for a walk, girl?” Rising to stand, Evi teases Sadie.
I laugh at the pair’s playful attitude.
“Do you see the sunrise every day?” My gaze is fixed back on the window, not looking at much and only thinking and fighting down all the excitement I still feel.
“Yes.” Evi laughs a little. “It’s around that time that the beds are made, so…” She exhales loudly. “Even if you are sleeping, the hostel owner expects everyone to rise and shine.”
“Oh, yes, right.” Smiling, I nod. “I mustn’t forget you live with complete strangers.”
Evi chuckles. “Yes, Tess, I guess you can say I live with complete strangers. It’s safe though. There’s nothing to worry about.” She makes a face. “It’s inexpensive room and board and the best part of it all is that I get to meet so many different people.”
Inwardly, I groan.
With a frown etched into her features, Evi takes a few footsteps my way. “He always wakes us gals up first anyways. I don’t think the owner is a huge fan of having to put a roof over our heads even if we are paying our way.” Biting her lip, she sends me a look then points an index finger to the sky. “I think the old geyser figures that us gals should be married by now…because you know in this day and age, all women should be married by the time they’re my age.” She laughs out loud and then forces herself to calm then she shrugs. “I don’t think I hear or see wedding bells in my future anytime soon.” She scrunches her nose.
I absorb her words and appreciate them. Or maybe I respect this young woman’s independence. Since as you know, we are living in a time when women are expected to be married by a certain age for fear that if they wait too long that they’ll waste their child-bearing years. Or, that they’ll be too old to earn a man’s lecherous smile. I shudder a lot inside accepting that many of those worries were what compelled me to marry Adriaan all those years ago. While growing up, and being an only child, I never knew that there could ever be anything else in my future except for being a wife and a mother and keeping a home, such as this one…for the rest of my godforsaken life.
Where did all the color go that once seemed bright and welcoming in my future?
Evi presses her lips together tightly, stares at the floor and then those sad eyes of hers lift to meet mine as if she’s about to deliver the most daunting newsflash of the century. “I don’t think I’m ever getting married, Tess.” A little smile tugs at the corners of her mouth. “I don’t think I could do this…you know…what you do?” She looks around the large den. “I don’t think that I could spend all of my days in a house, cooking and cleaning and tending to a man’s needs.” Worry settles on her features. “I won’t even try, Tess, because I know it isn’t the life for me.” Her sad eyes fix on the window near me and then they grow bright. “I need freedom.”
“I understand.” With a breath, I rise from my seat and make my way toward Evi. Each step feels little lighter and easier as I make my way across the wooden floor as if I could take a million of them and not mind very much at all.
Evi regards me in a way I’ve never seen her do so before.
Suspiciousness settles in her eyes and then her brows knot. When I take another step her lips twitch and then they curve up into one great big smile. “Tess.”
“Yes.” I suck in a breath and face Evi.
She doesn’t speak, only lingers and stares at me like I just fell from the sky.
“You seem different this morning?” She grins.
“Oh, do I?” I brush nothingness off the sleeve of my blouse.
“Yes.” Evi reaches out a hand and her palm finds my exceptionally warm cheek. “Yes, there’s more color in your face this morning. Your cheeks are pinker. They’re almost the same color as that bouquet of roses which were in the vase that you were painting a few weeks ago.”
“Are they?” Laughing a little, I rush past her and head toward the kitchen.
Evi’s footsteps echo behind me when she follows. “Yes, you seem a little different too.”
Mouth gaped, I stop when I make it near the kitchen table and spin around to face her.
Her eyes grow big. “What is it, Tess?”
I truly don’t know…
“Is it what I said earlier, Tess, about me not being able to live a life like yours? And—and—and that I need freedom—” Evi struggles for her words. “Because I didn’t mean it like that, Tess, I really didn’t…I just meant—”
“No, no, no, Evi.” I shake my head vigorously. “No, it isn’t that.”
Evi’s brows nearly hit her hairline as she waits for my words. “Then, what is it?” She presses a hand to the middle of her chest as if what I’m about to say to her just might affect her heart more than it really should.
Evi has it right…
She should brace herself for what I am about to say…
The silence is booming. The clock on the wall ticks. Not even Sadie lets out a dog breath while I find the courage to say the words I’m thinking aloud.
“Tell me, Tess, please.” A comical smile stretches across her face.
My shoulders fall and then I twist away from Evi’s view, almost shielding myself—thoughts and all. And then I stand a little straighter. Lifting a shaky palm, I send it across my cheek, wiping away the perspiration which has suddenly gathered there.
In order for any artist to be great one must be willing to try something new. They need to dare to be different. They need to explore untouched territory. They need to dare to do something different.
I lose myself in my thoughts.
“Tess.” Evi’s voice is soft when she speaks my name earning my attention.
What would our high society friends think?
Mostly, what would Adriaan think?
Can I possibly even do this?
What does it all mean!
The fear. The doubt. It all slams into me with its weight and almost knocks me over.
I begin to pace the kitchen in the hopes that I won’t pass out and then I stride toward a window.
“Tess.” Evi stands just behind me. “Tess, please tell me what it is you’re thinking.” A breath drifts from her. “You are worrying me.” She groans. “You are really worrying me. Everything about you this morning seems different. Are you okay? Do you feel sick? Should I pick up something from the doc—”
“No, Evi, I’m fine.”
Am I?
I face my reflection’s eyes in the window ahead and take a long hard look at myself. The noise from the street below slips into my ears and reminds me that there’s life beyond these stone walls. The city is alive. Everything seems more alive today than it has in years.