“Honey, you’re right, it’s not funny,” Shy says coming over to stand in front of me. “Why don’t you just tell him what you want. Killer won’t make you feel some type of way.”
“I can’t tell you guys what I want. How do you expect me to tell Killer what I want? I’ve never had a man who actually acts as if he cares about me. Neil, well, let’s just say he took what he wanted. I had no choice in the matter,” I let them know, hiding my head from their pitying looks.
“Are you saying what I think you’re saying?” Sam demands from me. “Neil raped you. More than once?”
Nodding my head, I feel their arms wrap around me. For minutes, no one says a word. The room is filled with silence and a stillness I’m usually only surrounded by when Killer’s around me. When everyone pulls back from me, I see tears silently rolling down their faces. This is what I don’t want to see from them. Their tears for me or pitying me because of what happened to me at the hands of a bunch of assholes.
“Don’t,” I state. “I don’t want your pity or tears.”
“You’re so much stronger than you’ll ever realize,” Sam tells me, pulling me in for a hug. “Now, let’s get you ready to seduce Killer. He won’t know what the fuck hit him.”
The other ol’ ladies all nod in agreement. While I go in to take a shower, one of the Prospects takes some of them to shop. I’m not sure what they’re shopping for, so I don’t ask. Sam pokes her head in the door while I’m washing up.
“Make sure you shave. Everything,” she calls out.
I take the time necessary to make sure there isn’t hair left on my body other than my head. Once I’m ready to get out, I grab the towel I hung over the top of the shower door. Kim pokes her head in the door this time and hands over a robe for me to put on.
“What’s this for? I thought I’d be getting dressed,” I question her.
“You’re not getting dressed until the girls get back. Sam and I are doing your hair and make-up while we wait. Then we’ll call Killer and get him back here. They’re bringing takeout food with them just for the two of you. Rich won’t be in here when you’re having your time together,” my sister informs me before leaving me in the bathroom to finish drying off and donning the robe.
Once I’m ready, I head out to the bedroom where Sam and Kim are waiting for me. Kim has me sit down on a chair they brought in the room. While Sam is doing my make-up, my sister works on curling my hair. It’s gotten a lot longer, so it seems to take forever for her to get done. Not once do we speak about anything. Well, I don’t. Kim and Sam talk about the twins and the rest of the kids. I simply listen to them.
I want to be a mother more than anything in this world. Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mother. Mine was so good to me when she was alive and with us. It was my dream to be just like her. Making cookies for my family, helping with homework, attending sporting events, going to everything at the school for them. To make sure they had dinner on the table when it was time, just do everything a good mom and wife would do for her family.
Hearing my friends talk about their children is wonderful. Especially when I get to be with the kids. At the same time, I hate being around them because it’s the only thing I want out of life. I don’t even know if Killer wants kids or to get married. It’s not something we’ve talked about. He’s been making sure I talk about myself. Killer is the only one I could imagine having kids with. He’d be such an amazing father. Even if he doesn’t believe in himself about it.
“What’s wrong, Gwen?” Sam asks, pulling me out of my head.
“You’ll think I’m stupid,” I mutter, ducking my head as Kim continues to curl it.
“Not at all. Nothing is stupid,” my sister states, her tone leaving no room for me to argue with her.
“The only thing I’ve ever wanted is to be a mother. I don’t want to work outside the home. I only want to be here for my family. Since I got here, the only one I can imagine having kids with is Killer. I’m just not sure if he even wants kids. Or to get married. When we talk, it’s always about me,” I answer them, not looking up at either one.
“Honey, Killer wants you more than anything in this world. If he didn’t, he wouldn’t have moved you into his home. A home he didn’t even buy until you came to town. He sure as hell wouldn’t leave Butcher’s club for a mission he’s on. And he sure as hell wouldn’t be out there from the time he wakes up until he can’t ride anymore trying to find the men after you,” Sam says, lifting my head up so she can look me in the eye.
“No, he’s just being nice because Kim is with Fox. I’m sure Fox told him he wants his house back without me in the way,” I respond, not caring if my sister knows that’s how I feel. “I’m just here. Always in the way and bringing trouble with me.”
Neither girl says a word in response. They’re thinking over my words trying to figure out what to say to me. Sam and Kim are not quiet and they speak their opinion on any matter. I’m no different when they agree, or don’t, with something I’m doing or saying. I’ve heard more lectures from these two than I’d ever care to admit. Especially when it comes to Killer and my crush on him.
“Sam’s right,” Kim finally says. “Fox has no problem with you living with us. The only reason Killer moved you in here is because he wants you here. Not to mention Fox may have mentioned to him how you were feeling. Yeah, he told me about your talk at the cookout the night you ran out after seeing Killer in the bathroom. The only way you’re ever going to know what you want from Killer is to talk to him. He’ll let you know the answers, but he’s the only one who can. If you want to come back, come back. I have a feeling you want to be right here where you are though.”
“I do. I want to be here with Killer. For the right reasons though. Not because he feels obligated or like he feels someone should be watching out for me closer,” I respond.
“Alright, lets get you looking good for your man then,” Sam says, going back to working on my make-up.
Just before she’s done, Jennifer and Shy get back with several bags. Some of them from the Naughty Peach. My face burns several shades of red as I stand up and look in the mirror at Sam and my sister’s work. I don’t even look like I normally do. My make-up is barely there. I can’t even tell you what Sam has done to my face. Kim has my hair curled and cascading down my back. Well, what’s not over my shoulders, resting against my chest.
Jennifer and Shy begin to dump out the bags on Killer’s bed. They’ve bought me several different nighties, corsets, thigh highs, heels, and several other things I’ll need for the night. According to them at any rate. The four other ol’ ladies sift through each and every piece of barely there clothing on the bed before picking out the best one for me. Shy shoves it in my hand while ushering me to the bathroom.
After I put the items on, with minimal help from Sam, I place a small black robe over me. Walking back in the bedroom, I see they’ve done more work. Candles are over every single surface while the bed has flower petals on it. The TV is showing a fire instead of a movie or television show. After looking me over one last time, the women do one last thing. Rich carries in a small table.