The taps came harder, faster, his touch no longer that of a boy’s fingers, but now heavy and strong. But somehow it felt the same.
How intensely had I missed this?
The push and pull. The tease and the taunt.
I’d missed my friend.
Furiously, I squirmed. Tears gathered, streaking down the sides of my face, and dripping into my hair before I knew it. A low whine rose from deep within my throat and mixed with the quiet laughter I couldn’t hold back.
A hushed chuckle tumbled from Jared’s mouth, so thick it was almost a pant, his expression so soft, like just maybe he was seeing the exact same thing as I was.
And I could feel this change in the air. As if every cell in his body shifted, Jared slowed, then stilled. Mesmerized, I watched as his tongue flicked out to wet his full lips. I was hyperaware of every inch of his body that touched mine, the fire that lit under my skin, how our chests rose and fell in sync. He raised a cautious hand, his attention pitching between my eyes and his intent. A dense hesitation weighted his movements before he seemed to give in and gently ran the back of his fingers along the trail of tears that had slipped down my temple.
A fragmented sigh stuttered from my lips as they parted. Never had I felt anything better than what I found in Jared’s touch.
His gaze captured mine before his fingertips traced down my cheek, swept along my jaw, and barely glanced over my lips. “You grew up on me, Aly,” he murmured, the words rough, almost in awe.
“You were gone for a long time,” I whispered against the fingers he fluttered along my bottom lip.
“For too long.” He seemed to blink away the thought, as if he didn’t want to believe the truth that had just fallen from his mouth. He rolled to his side. Intuition made me follow, and I turned to lie face-to-face with him. In silence, I stared at the boy who had held me hostage in my heart and mind for so long. My secret.
Could anything be more surreal than the fact that he now lay in my bed?
Thankfulness swept through me in a torrent of joy.
Smiling softly, he reached out and pressed the pad of his thumb to my chin. The notion was sweet, but it did things to me that I didn’t quite understand. I mean, I did. I understood desire, the overwhelming need that built in the pit of my stomach and longed for more. But this was so much greater than that.
“I bet whatever you keep hidden in the pages of those books is absolutely beautiful, Aly.” He swallowed, diverting his gaze to the far wall before he dropped it to meet mine. A tender palm came to rest on the side of my face. He caressed his thumb over the apple of my cheek. “How could it not be? Look at you… you have to be the most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.”
Pain reverberated in his words. Still they wrapped around me like the warmest embrace.
My fingers ventured to his chest, twisting in his shirt. The strong throb of his pulse thundered under them. “Everything I love is in the pages of those books, Jared.”
The admission sounded like a confession of my heart. I realized that was exactly what it was. On some level I wanted him to know what he wasn’t ready to hear.
Stark sunlight blinded my eyes. I squinted and adjusted my sunglasses as I settled back in my chair and lifted my face to the intensity of the summer sun. Stretching my legs out in front of me, I bathed in the comfort seeping into my skin.
Megan slurped from her iced coffee beside me. “I’m sweating like a dog over here, Aly.”
I tossed her a grin. Her blond hair was all mussed and piled in a mess on the top of her head as she fanned at the back of her neck. “You are such a wimp.” I lifted my face back to the sky. “Are you ever going to get used to the heat or am I destined to hear you complain about it for the rest of our lives?”
“Um, yeah, you’re probably going to hear me complain about it for the rest of our lives. There will be no shaking Rhode Island from my bones just like there’s no shaking Phoenix from yours.”
“Touché.” I smirked, and she laughed before she leaned her elbows on the small bistro table between us.
“I feel like I haven’t hung out with you in forever. I miss you,” she said. She took another sip from her straw, and I went for mine. We sat outside a little coffee shop on Mill, watching people as they ambled down the busy street. This was the first day we’d had to ourselves since the night when my life had been tilted on its axis.
Thrown, really. I no longer knew where I stood.
Megan and I had shared a few texts, but our work schedules seemed to always conflict, and we hadn’t really connected in the three weeks that had passed.
“I know. It’s ridiculous I haven’t talked to you in so long.” My brow piqued in question as I turned in her direction. “So, how are things with Sam?”
She shrugged and busied herself with her straw. Sadness wove through her sigh. “I always promised myself I’d never be that girl… the needy one who’d do anything to win that little bit of attention that some guy is willing to give her.” She released a bitter laugh. It was a little angry and a lot disappointed. She offered me a telling smile. “I didn’t make him work for it, Aly.” She blew out a breath. “I should have listened to you. Now it’s like I’m sitting around waiting for… something… anything. Sometimes it seems like he’s totally into me, and the next it’s like he couldn’t care less that I exist.” She shook her head at herself. “So stupid.”
I swiveled toward her and leaned on the table. I couldn’t stand this coming from her. Guilt twisted in me, because I should have realized something was going on when I received her texts. I should have been there for her.
She chewed at her lip. “You know that’s not me, right?”
“Megan.” I frowned and edged in closer. “I’m not going to judge you. You know me better than that. We never know how things are going to turn out, and more important than that, we can’t help how we feel.”
She nodded, but the small jerks of her head resonated with shame. “But you’ve always been so strong. You’ve never allowed yourself to become vulnerable like that. I mean, sometimes it makes me worry about you and I get scared you’re never going to find someone to love because you won’t put yourself out there to be loved. But mostly, I’ve just admired you.”
Another stab of guilt. I’d always been vulnerable. I’d just never been honest enough to allow her to see it. “I guess I’ve been holding out for the right guy, Megan. We all find them at different times and in different ways.”
Only I found mine when I was fourteen. A flutter swam through my being, Jared’s youthful smile forever etched in my mind. Really, I’d known him my entire life. I found him in almost every memory I had.