Jared smirked and dropped his cup to the counter, that old playfulness filling his eyes when he taunted my brother. “You picked me up at a bar, huh?” he asked, the question packed with innuendo.
There was my friend.
I laughed, and Christopher did, too. “Fuck you, dude.” Christopher pointed at him. “You’re coming.”
Jared chuckled mildly, then sobered as he stole a glance my direction. I knew he was feeling me out, wondering if I wanted him there or if he’d already hurt me enough that I didn’t want to be anywhere around him.
I offered him an easy smile, one that promised I still would take whatever it was that he would give. And I would. I could be his friend. I could shove all these feelings aside, lock them in that place that had always been reserved for him. Could pretend that I didn’t crave his touch on my face, pretend he hadn’t spoken things that I knew he’d only ever spoken to me, pretend this bond we shared was just an invention of my imagination.
I’d been successful at hiding my feelings for so many years. What had changed?
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at myself.
The change currently sat at the bar in my apartment, his expression guarded but achingly tender at the same time. Could either of us ever forget the connection we’d shaped, one carved out in those perfect hours spent alone in my room?
No. Not me.
But I could pretend.
Resigned, Jared turned back at Christopher. “Fine. I’ll go.”
Warily, he chanced a glance back at me again, his eyes wavering as they fluttered over my face. Then he dropped his gaze back to his half-empty cup.
Was it foolish that I was excited for him to be coming? Foolish that this was the first Fourth I’d looked forward to in all the years he’d been gone because this was the holiday that had always been ours?
I risked lifting my face to find his eyes downcast, his hair flopping down to cover his gorgeous face.
Yeah, I guessed it probably was.
THIRTEEN
July 4, 2002
It was hot. The sun shone down, scorching everything in its path, the sky so bright it hurt to look up. Sweat beaded on Aly’s neck, and she pushed back the bangs stuck to her forehead. For what felt like the millionth time, she jammed the shovel into the hardened dirt, barely making a dent.
“If we’re going to make any jumps, we’re going to need a whole lot more dirt than that, Aly,” Christopher said, frowning at her progress.
“But it’s hard.” Both the work and the ground. Aly felt out of breath, and a blister threatened on the palm of her right hand. She’d been helping Jared and Christopher build their stupid bike track all day and she didn’t think she could work any longer. But if she didn’t work, she knew Christopher would still try to make her go home. Even though she was ten, he was still always trying to boss her around. The only difference was now that she’d gotten older, she didn’t listen to him all the time.
“Christopher, Aly, Jared!” Her mom’s blond head peeped over the top of their backyard fence as she called for them. “Come on home! We’re getting ready to leave.”
Thank God.
Christopher dropped his tools, jumped on Jared’s bike, and shot across the lot over the tracks they’d just made, laughing at them over his shoulder as he left them behind.
“Do ya always have to be such a jerk, Christopher?” Jared yelled after him, throwing his pick onto the ground. “Damn it,” he swore, kicking at the dirt. Then his attention flashed to her. “Sometimes I want to pound your brother’s face in.”
Aly bit at her lip and felt her cheeks flush red. Jared was gonna get grounded if his mom heard him talking like that. But Aly was too damned tired herself to remind him of it. She dropped her hands to her knees, leaning over as she tried to catch her breath.
“You tired, Aly Cat?” Jared asked, his anger over the plundering of his favorite bike all but vanished. Christopher and Jared never fought for long. Her mom said they should’ve been brothers, the way they were fighting one second and best friends the next.
She heaved hot air from her lungs. “I think I’m going to pass out.” She didn’t really think so, but she liked what Jared’s face looked like when he thought something was wrong with her.
“Come on, Aly. Hop on my back.” He bent down so she could climb on.
She didn’t hesitate. She jumped on his back, wrapping her legs around his waist and her arms around his neck.
Jostling her around, Jared hoisted her higher; then he laughed and darted across the field, holding her by the legs as she fiercely clung to his neck. She bounced against his back as he ran.
“Hold on tight, Aly Cat.” Jared dipped and twisted, and he laughed loudly as they soared.
To Aly, there was no better sound.
“Don’t you dare drop me, Jared Holt,” Aly shouted near his ear as he raced across the lot, ducking down to miss a tree branch as they passed.
“I won’t drop you, silly girl.”
But really, she already knew that. Jared would never hurt her.
He hiked her up higher, and Aly held on tighter. When it was just the two of them like this, her stomach felt funny – light and excited and a little bit scared – and she knew it must be a real secret because she instinctively knew no one else should know. Least of all, Jared.
She didn’t want him to laugh at her.
He dropped her to her feet at the hole in the fence. “Beat you to your house,” Jared challenged before he took off running.
Aly almost kept up, her exhaustion from before all but forgotten. Her legs had grown long. She was almost as tall as Christopher. Her mom said it wouldn’t last, that boys got their growth spurt later, and she’d told Christopher not to worry that his little sister would pass him up.
Aly and Jared burst into the house, each clambering to get in front of the other. The front door slammed against the wall with a loud bang.
“Hey, you two,” Aly’s mom shouted from the kitchen, “settle down before you break something.”
Jared’s mom, Helene, called out even louder, “Jared! What have I told you about playing rough in the house? That’s for outside.”
But Helene was smiling when they came into the kitchen. Affectionately she ruffled Jared’s hair as he passed, and then she turned back to piling the containers of food into a basket for their picnic.
Chaos ruled the kitchen. Aly’s dad, Dave, lugged folding chairs from the backyard while their moms put everything they needed in paper sacks, yelling at the boys to get their things together. Jared and Christopher and Aug stuffed firecrackers and sparklers in their pockets.