“He–”
“He should have been jailed for a long time. He should have been punished, right? Maddox, right?”
He nodded, his eyes red. Don’t give me such a tortured look, Maddox. My heart is already breaking.
“He didn’t,” I said, hugging myself tighter. “He didn’t even spend a night in a cell; he wasn’t punished, and he walked away from the accident, unscathed. Do you know why?”
“Why?” Maddox whispered, but he already knew the answer.
“He was the rich and spoiled son of a wealthy and influential attorney who had the whole world at his feet. His dad swept the accident under the rug and was able to get his son out of trouble. I was in a coma for a few weeks, and when I woke up… I found out the case was closed and had been filed away. We were told the chauffeur took the blame and had been pardoned by the law; except, he wasn’t the one driving that night… that boy was. I know because I did my research after I woke up. My grandparents helped, and we tried to open the case again.”
“Lila,” Maddox breathed. His head fell into his hands. “Goddamn it.”
“I was in the hospital, still recovering from my injuries, when the dad walked through the door. The look on his face, God, I can still see it so clearly. There was no remorse, Maddox. Nothing. He didn’t care that I just lost my parents because of his son. He didn’t care that I was practically crippled in a hospital bed, in pain, in so much fucking pain. He took out a check…”
“No,” Maddox let out a curse. “Fuck, no. Lila, no.” He banged his fists against the wet, muddy grass.
I laughed and laughed, dry and empty and cold. “Yes. He offered me one million dollars to stay silent. He said he’d give me more if I’d just shut up and leave his family alone.”
Then I cried.
And cried… and cried.
“We… lost…the… case,” I hiccupped back a sob, but I was only choking on my own saliva. “Money and power and too many connections, he had everything, and we stood no chance against him.”
“He paid off the judge?” Maddox growled, his words laced with anger.
“I assumed he did or he didn’t have to. They were buddies.”
I tried to breathe, tried to stay alive, forced myself to survive. Inhale, exhale.
I wanted to scream until I pass out and forget all of this happened. Maybe when I’d wake up, I’d find myself in a world where my parents were still alive, and we were living happily ever after.
“When you’re rich, you can pay for someone’s silence, buy life and death, play god and win. That’s what he did. I’m a mere mortal… I lost.”
“I’m sorry.”
I am too.
“I hated you because you were a reminder of the boy who ruined me and stole my life from me,” I croaked, my ability to speak fading. I rubbed my chest, over my scars. “So rich, so spoiled. Such a brat with so much arrogance.”
Maddox made a sound at the back of his throat; it sounded almost like a silent cry before he spoke. “I’m sorry,” he said again.
With all my strength gone from my body, I couldn’t sit up anymore. My body swayed, and I fell onto my back and closed my eyes. I was drained of everything, all the pain, all the suffering… my past and all the memories.
I felt… empty.
And numb.
I didn’t have to open my eyes to feel him. Maddox settled on the cold grass and laid down beside me. I felt his warm breath against my neck. He was really close.
I breathed in the fresh air, and there was a comfortable silence between us. It lasted for a long time, and I soaked it in, the warmth from his presence. Until Maddox broke the silence.
“Tell me about your parents. How did they meet?” he asked gently.
So, I did.
I told him about an unlikely love story.
“My mom was the only Hispanic in their neighborhood, and all the other kids would pick on her. My dad was apparently one of her bullies until she grabbed him one day and slammed her lips against his then pulled back, looked him straight in the eye and told him, ‘If you can't shut up, I'll shut you up.’ He said he fell in love with her right then and there. My father always told me to be with the person who makes your heart beat a thousand miles an hour,” I told Maddox.
We stared at my parents' headstones, and I wondered if they could feel me since I was so close to them? Were they watching over me?
There was a dull ache in my chest, but I didn’t feel like crying anymore. Maybe I’d finally spent all my tears; because even though it hurt, the urge to cry was gone.
Until next year, until I allowed myself to break down again. I hated being vulnerable. The last time I was; I had been in a hospital and I couldn’t give my parents’ the justice they deserved.
I didn’t know why I let Maddox see me like this, why I allowed him to see my weakness… but all I knew was the moment he sat on that bench next to me and held my hand, I didn’t want him to let go.
I didn’t even cry at parents’ funeral until everyone was gone, and I was alone. Except the moment Maddox touched my hand – the dam broke, the cage around my heart shattered, and I hadn’t been able to stop crying.
We sat there for a long time. The sun was starting to go down, the sky turning a bright orange. I guess this place was called Sunset Park for a reason; it had the best sunset view.
“Do you believe in love?” Maddox asked, roughly.
What a strange question in a moment like this.
“Yes. But I've long decided that it's not for me. Not anymore.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don't want to lose anyone else.” I’ve suffered enough loss for a lifetime, and I survived it, but I didn't want to test my luck.
How much pain can a person bear before they break down completely?
I was stronger than the magic of love.
I wrapped my arms around my knees and brought my legs closer to my chest. I laid my head over my knees and turned to look at Maddox. He was staring at my parents' headstones, looking thoughtful.
“Do you believe in love?” I asked him back. My cheeks felt tight from the cold and my dried tears. My face was probably blotchy and red, but I couldn’t find myself to care in the moment.
This was Maddox, my best friend.
He blinked, as if he wasn't expecting the question. “I don't know.”
Curious, I pushed for more. “What do you mean?”
“I used to think love was fake. It didn't exist. Love is too complicated and shit. No one belonged to me before. I was never close enough to love someone or to even understand the meaning of it.”
Wild emotions clogged my throat, and my heart flipped like a caged bird, beating its wings, looking for an escape.
“And what do you think now?” I whispered the question.
Maddox faced me, his blue eyes staring into mine, looking right through my cold exterior, pushing right through my walls and knocking at my caged heart.
When he spoke again, his voice was deep and rough. His words were a silent confession.
“Now, I have someone to lose, and I know it will break me. I know what it means to fear losing the person who means the most to you. That person has the power to destroy me.”
Silence fell upon us, and I couldn't find the words to convey what I was feeling. I turned my head away from his probing gaze and went back to staring at the headstones.