“Maddox?”
“Um, yeah?”
“I love you,” I whispered.
His arm flexed around my hips. “I know.” His hold tightened around me in the slightest bit. His lips feathered over my forehead in a whisper of a kiss, before he placed his cheek on top of my head again. “I love you, too.”
It wasn’t the first time we had said those words to each other but my heart danced in my chest. Without lifting my head, I brought my hand up, showing him my pinky.
“Friends?”
Maddox hooked his pinky around mine, and I could feel his smile without even having to look at him.
“Friends,” he said.
My eyes closed, and I fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.
In the morning, I woke up to an empty bed. For a brief moment, I wondered if it was all a dream, and Maddox hadn’t come home. But when I breathed in, I caught the familiar, musky scent that he left behind. My body still tingled from where he had touched me.
After quickly freshening up, I walked out of the bedroom to find Maddox sitting at the kitchen table, staring out the window. The morning sunshine shone through the glass, and Maddox looked beautiful sitting there. He was shirtless, with only his grey sweatpants on. It was the perfect sight...but my chest tightened at the look on his face.
My wounded warrior.
He had a black eye, and his lips were cut and swollen. His ribs were turning into an ugly shade of purple and green.
“Want some coffee?” I asked, hoping to get him to talk and lighten up his mood. Last night was hell for all of us. I needed to make sure he was okay.
But his next words were not what I expected.
“Am I a disappointment?”
I flinched. “What!? Maddox, what are you–”
My next words caught in my throat when I saw the expression on his face. Utterly defeated, a look that could only be described as heartbroken. Like a beaten puppy, whimpering silently as it suffered.
My heart caved inside my chest at that look, and I walked over to him, kneeling between his legs. He spread his thighs wider, encasing me against his body.
“Why is it that whatever I do is never enough?” he said, his words choked.
“Maddox,” I whispered.
I saw the phone in his hand and finally put two and two together. Grabbing the phone from him, he didn't stop me, I searched through his messages. The most recent message, two hours ago, was from his father.
You keep disappointing me over and over again. I can’t believe I almost thought you had finally been redeemed from your messy ways. This is the last time I will bail you out from things you fuck up.
Oh Maddox. My poor, sweet Maddox.
“I'm sorry,” I breathed, looking down. This was all my fault. Why did I ever let Landon in my life?
I grabbed his hands, holding onto him, letting him know he wasn’t alone. It was then I noticed his knuckles were bruised, and there was some dried blood left on it.
Shit. That was from last night. He didn’t clean himself up.
I got up and quickly and went to get to first aid kit to clean his wounds. His knuckles were slightly swollen, but thankfully, not broken. I attentively cleaned his bloodied knuckles, wincing as I brushed the antiseptic wipes over the broken skin. Maddox showed no outward emotion. He was silent until I finished with his left hand and grabbed his right hand to do the same task.
I kept my movements slow and careful as I cleaned his wounds and wrapped a bandage around his hands. He probably didn’t need them, but the bandages would keep them clean, so there would be no infection.
His eyes raked over my face before his gaze slid away – looking bleak and distant, lost.
“I got into Harvard. I worked for it. I worked so goddamn hard that I was able to keep my full scholarship for three years. I’m on top in my football career. Why is it not enough? Everything I do... it’s never enough. I always, somehow...end up lacking somewhere. Always somehow disappointing him. It’s never enough, Lila.”
“No. No. No!” I rushed to say. “Baby, no. Maddox, everything you do is enough. It’s more than enough. You. Are. Enough. Please don’t say that. I’m sorry about last night. I’m sorry your father is an asshole. I’m sorry he never told you he’s proud of you. But I am. I'm so proud of you, Maddox Coulter. Everything you’ve done, everything you do... it’s enough,” I said in urgency.
He leaned his head back and closed his eyes as if soaking in my words. He entwined our fingers together and clutched onto me. I squeezed his hands back. I’m here, Maddox. I’m here, and I’m not leaving. Me and you, forever.
I wanted to ask him what he needed right now. From me. If I could lessen his guilt, his suffering in any way, I would do it. Without a second thought.
As if he could read my mind, his eyes opened, and he leveled me with those beautiful blue orbs. I saw everything I needed to know.
“Can you...” he paused and swallowed. “...hug me? Please?”
He whispered those words so brokenly, like he was scared I’d refuse me, like a child begging for affection. To have someone just hold him.
I nodded, mutely, because my throat was closed up as I choked back a cry and forced my tears away. I couldn’t let him see me cry.
I stood up, and he pulled me into his lap. Maddox buried his face in my neck. “I got you,” I said, softly in his ear.
His grip tightened on me.
Maddox got hurt because of me; he got into a fight for my honor. The realization was overwhelming because I had underestimated his protective instincts for me and how much he actually cared.
I felt him breathing against my throat, and under my palm, his heart slowly started to beat at a calmer pace. His lips brushed against the pulsing vein in my throat and maybe he hadn’t meant to do it or he didn’t want me to feel it, but I did. My body was hyperaware of his touch.
“I got you,” I said again, as a reminder. My fingers combed through his hair, and slowly, he started to relax in my arms. The tension left him, and my aching heart soothed itself at the fact that Maddox was going to be okay. He was strong enough to be okay.
Once he lifted his head up, I smiled at him. “Okay now?”
His lips curled up in a half smile, and he nodded. “I guess I just needed a hug from my Lila. I swear you’re my goddamn therapy. Why waste money on a shrink if there’s a Lila in your life?”
I let out a laugh and smacked his arm. “Oh, shut up.”
He was grinning now, his eyes lighter, his expression calm.
“So, how about I make you pasta?” It was his favorite thing to eat whenever he was feeling low.
“Woman, you know I’d never say no to your pasta.”
“Okay, sit tight then.”
Pasta for breakfast. Hmph. Who cared? If that shit made my Maddox smile then we’d have fucking pasta for breakfast. Every. Damn. Day.
31
Lila
Send me a picture. Wanna see your sexy face.
I opened the text from Riley and then stared around the loud club. We were sitting at a corner booth with pretty bad lightning.
Still, I humored Riley and brought my phone up, deciding to please her with one picture. She wasn’t able to join us for a night out since she had an essay due tomorrow morning. Riley pouted as I left our apartment with Maddox, Colton, Jaxon and Rory. She made me promise to send her photos of us being pissed drunk, so she could live vicariously through us.