“No!” Rage growls through clenched teeth. “Not a fuck!” He looks my way. “We’ll find someone else…maybe Jarrod or Samuel. You can’t expect a woman to have sex with you after she just heard you fuck someone else. Don’t be an ass!”
“Why not?” Tri looks bewildered. “Samuel wouldn’t know your ass from your elbow. And Jarrod might just get a vision, even though he doesn’t get them much from non-humans.”
“My worry is if Gaire shows up, neither of those men would be much help,” I say. “They’re too weak. Gaire will destroy them.”
“There’s also Maddox, Zale, and Garrett, but we don’t know them very well yet,” Rage mutters.
“I pick you,” I tell Rage.
He shakes his head. “No, not me!”
“Why not? You find me attractive, don’t you? I know you do. You wanted sex the other night.”
“Not with you.” He narrows his eyes.
“Really?” I lift my brows.
“Okay, fine!” He pulls in a breath. “I wanted to fuck you, but that was then, and this is now. Things change.”
“I’m still me. You’re attracted to me. Don’t even try to deny it.”
“I’m not your guy,” he pushes out, eyes firmly on me.
“You are!” I insist, feeling frustrated. Rage is attracted to me, but he won’t sleep with me.
“I need popcorn,” Trident grins. “I say do it, man!”
“I say, mind your own business. I need to speak to you,” Rage says to me, “in private.” He glares at Tri.
“Use any of the spare rooms.” Tri’s grin widens. “Take as long as you need.” He winks at Rage, who grinds his teeth.
He waits for me to start walking towards the hallway, then follows me. “It’s the first door to the right,” he says.
I can still smell sex coming from the first room to the left. The sheets are a crumpled mess on the large bed.
“Don’t look too hard,” Rage says. “You might see something you can’t unsee.”
A few steps later, and we walk into what looks like one of the spare bedrooms. Rage closes the door. He turns, and it suddenly feels cramped in here, even though the room is plenty spacious. “As much as I want to help you, I can’t.” His eyes are filled with concern. “You need to trust me on that.”
“Why not? It’s not that big of a deal. It’s just sex. It’ll be anything from mildly uncomfortable to somewhat painful, but I can take it. It doesn’t usually last too long.” I give a one-shouldered shrug. “It’s really not that big of a deal,” I repeat, even though it is a big deal. A huge deal.
Rage is looking at me strangely.
“What?” I ask.
“Mildly uncomfortable to somewhat painful, but you can take it?” He rubs his eyes.
I nod. “Yes. No problem. It’s something men enjoy. Something women need to do for them, so that—”
“Stop there.” Rage looks angry. “Something men enjoy?” He roughs up his hair.
“Look, I know it can be pleasurable for both parties. I’m not daft,” I say that, but I feel daft right now. Why am I saying all this to him? I feel small and stupid and naïve. Rage will never look at me the same way, and I can’t blame him.
“You know it can be pleasurable.” He makes a noise of frustration. “Funny, but I’m not getting that from you. Your village must be small and backward. Did your mother not tell you about men and about sex?”
“It’s small, but it certainly isn’t backward. And yes, of course she did. She warned me that most men were governed by their cocks. That their brains are between their legs.” I make the mistake of looking between his legs. I know that Rage is big down there. I’m not sure why that would turn a woman on. I’m sure it would just hurt more. I quickly look up. I’ve been staring at his crotch for too long. “I have to say, in my experience, I think she was right. At least, I thought so before I met you. Maybe not all men are governed by what’s between their legs.”
“What else did she tell you?”
“She told me never to fall in love. She explained that sex was dangerous. Really, really dangerous…because sex can lead to love. I needed to be careful who I slept with. I needed to keep that in the forefront of my mind. I wouldn’t say it’s bad, so much as bearable…I guess. I know it can be…good…it can be great.” I don’t know that at all. It never felt great with Gaire. I’ve watched movies, though. I’ve read magazines. They can’t all have been wrong.
“Just not in your experience?” he seems angry.
“I thought it was me,” I whisper. “That I was the problem. I pretended to…um…like it.”
“Holy fucking shit!” Rage walks away. He squeezes the back of his neck.
“What’s wrong?”
“Everything! I can’t be the one to have sex with you. Are you sure there’s no other way? Surely there—” He stops there because I am shaking my head.
“How did you even fall in love with a guy like that?” Rage looks shocked and angry. He’s brimming with emotion.
“It wasn’t all bad. Especially to begin with. He has a sense of humor, can tell a story, and is quite handsome. I was so taken with him,” I say. “I told you, I’m from a small village. Our pack lives there among the humans, who suspect what we are but don’t know for sure.” I feel nostalgic talking about home. “Life was simple. Peaceful…extremely boring.” I laugh softly. What I wouldn’t give to be bored out of my mind again. “Many of the folks living in Llangrannog never leave. It’s difficult when you grow up with a handful of people. I certainly didn’t see any of them as a potential mate. There were a few human suitors in town.” I laugh. “I have a few brothers, which didn’t make it easy. They scared off any potential boyfriends. I was twenty-three and had never even dated. I wanted to see the world. I was easy pickings when Gaire blew into town one day. He swept me off my feet. My mam warned me. I remember telling her that I was leaving with Gaire.” I recall that day like it was yesterday. I tell Rage what happened. I owe him that much since I pulled him into all of this mess. I go into my own head, back into the last, as I explain what happened.
“There you are,” my mam said, coming up behind me. “You’re going to catch the death of ye,” she chides, pulling her coat more firmly around herself.
I look back over the ocean. I’m standing on the edge of the cliffs. It’s beautiful out here at this time of the day. What am I saying? It’s beautiful no matter what the time. The sun is setting over the horizon. The air is crisp. I’m asking myself if I’m making the right decision. The way my heart is beating so loudly in my chest is telling me that I am. I have to hold back a smile.
“I saw that your bags are packed,” Mam says.
“Please don’t try to stop me,” I whisper. My words are carried away with the wind. I know if I can get my mam on my side, that my father will agree to let me go as well.
“You’re a grown woman,” she says. “Capable of making your own decisions. I do have to warn you about a couple of things.”