I shake my head. “I had a shower earlier before putting this on.” I look down at the dress, feeling silly for wearing it. “I wouldn’t mind brushing my teeth. I’ll be quick.” I’m trying not to stare at Rage. I’ve seen him without his shirt plenty of times. I’ve seen him naked, for goodness sake. Why am I feeling this tightly wound up inside? That strange feeling in my belly is back. Did I ever feel this way with Gaire? I don’t think so. This isn’t the same as it was with him. Not even close. I’m not the naïve girl I once was. I won’t make the same mistakes. I need to be even more on my guard, though, because I’m more attracted to Rage.
I take my eyes off him and head into the bathroom. It doesn’t take me more than a minute to hunt down what I need. I do what I need to do and head back to the bedroom. Rage’s shoes are next to the sofa.
“What are the sleeping arrangements?” I ask, looking over at the sofa.
“We’ll figure it out in a few minutes.” He starts walking towards the bathroom. “I’m hitting the shower. I’ll be quick.”
I notice that his jeans are half undone. His eyes…they’re… I’m not sure what I’m seeing in them, but my belly is flip-flopping to the point that I’m slightly nauseous. Maybe it was the glass of wine with dinner. I don’t normally drink alcohol. It shouldn’t affect me since I’m a shifter. Our metabolism is too high. Then again, I don’t normally eat that much either. The food was rich. I realize he might be waiting for me to answer, so I nod. I don’t trust my voice.
I contemplate making a bed for myself. I’m hesitant to take the dress off, which is stupid since Rage has seen me naked on numerous occasions. Again, being a shifter means I’m not generally twitchy about such things. The dynamic is suddenly feeling weird between us.
I go over to the desk and chair. I glance towards the bathroom as I do. I catch sight of Rage inside the shower since he hasn’t closed the door. The glass is already quite steamed up, but I still get a glimpse of his naked form. That tightening inside me is back. I feel weird between my legs. It can’t be sex I’m craving. It has to be intimacy. I haven’t been with anyone in over a year. My life has been miserable. ‘Sleep-with-one-eye-open’ bad!
There is another dress hanging over the chair. It’s pink and white, with hints of light gray, and is very pretty. There is a frill at the top. I think it’s supposed to be worn off the shoulders. There’s a conservative slit up the side. I see a clean shirt for Rage, and that’s pretty much it. Nothing for me to sleep in. I never wear clothes when I sleep. Why am I being so weird about it all of a sudden?
I spot a jug of water and pour myself a glass since my mouth is feeling dry.
“We can share the bed,” Rage says from behind me.
I almost jump out of my skin. I clutch my chest. I turn and see Rage leaning against the doorjamb. He has a towel low around his waist. There is a light smattering of hair from his belly button, all the way down.
I take a big sip of the water, putting the glass down with a clunk.
His shoulders are broad. His arms have to be carved from stone. My mouth goes a little dry despite just having had water. Rage is incredibly sexy. I’m noticing big time. Not that I didn’t notice before, because I did. I would have to be deaf, dumb, and blind not to have picked up on how gorgeous he is. Something has shifted. It’s making my pulse race.
Rage sighs. “I think the best way to proceed would be for us to have sex…here and now.”
I can barely breathe. I can’t talk. I’m trying to pull my thoughts together. His tone is so matter-of-fact he could just as well have said, ‘let’s go and watch a television show.’
I probably take too long to say something because he goes on, “Sex with me…well…it won’t be good. I need to warn you. In fact, it’ll probably be downright fucked up. Gaire will seem like a saint once I’m done with you. If it has to happen, then…” He still looks like he would rather do anything other than be here with me. Like he would prefer to stick pins in his eyes and slice open his balls with a paring knife than have sex with yours truly. Rage shrugs. “If it has to happen, then…so be it!” He sighs again, sounding hard done by. Poor baby!
My chest is heaving. “No,” I push out, folding my arms across my chest.
He frowns. “What do you mean, no? Fuck, Nia! I thought this is what you wanted.”
“Firstly, I refuse to fall in love with you, so whatever plan you and Death were hatching is a no go.”
“Fall in love…?” Rage is shaking his head, looking completely perplexed. Maybe I got the wrong end of the stick. Stranger things have happened.
“Yes, fall in love. I heard him telling you that me falling in love with you would be the best thing…it wouldn’t. Not for me! I won’t do it. Gaire must die, and I will never love again.”
I see his face soften. “Firstly, the last thing I would want is for you to fall in love with me. I can’t ever reciprocate, so it would be just plain wrong. So no, I wouldn’t want that at all.” He shakes his head. “Secondly, if you fell in love with the right person. Someone who didn’t take advantage of you…you could have a good life, Nia. Not everyone is like Gaire or me.”
“You are nothing like Gaire,” I retaliate immediately.
Rage laughs. “I’m five seconds away from being Gaire. No…worse! Any given day and at any given moment. Five seconds. That’s why I’m the ideal candidate to beat him.”
“I don’t believe it! I won’t!”
Rage walks right over to me. I can smell soap. I can smell him. “Believe it, sweetheart. I’m fucked up. My power is chaos. It can’t be tamed or controlled, and neither can I. I learned that a long time ago.”
“You killed someone once,” I whisper. I know what messed him up. Make no mistake, this poor, sweet man is completely messed up. You don’t get eyes that haunted for no reason. If I opened his closet, an army of skeletons would fall out.
I watch him recoil. He even takes a step back. I watch his eyes cloud. He nods once. “I don’t want to talk about it, but yes. I killed someone, and I could have killed many more—”
“You didn’t, though.”
“I was stopped, or I would have. There’s a difference between having restraint and being restrained. How do you know about my past?” He cocks his head, looking at me with an intensity that roots me to the spot.
“I’ve heard things. Rumors.” I shrug, trying to play it down. When I see his expression, I stop. “You used a huge amount of power – an off-the-charts amount. You did so in one solid burst, and that doesn’t go unnoticed.”
“What rumors? Who knows?” He narrows his eyes. “Who noticed?”
“The Underworld knows. They sent a Cerberus to investigate who was responsible.”
“A Cerberus.” I see him touch his forehead; his mind is in overdrive.
I nod. “They’re badass hellhounds.”
“This one had a couple of heads with glowing red eyes.”
“I heard it clawed your face.” My eyes are on the scar.
“I was in a bad mood. I had just…done a terrible thing. An unforgivable thing. I lashed out at the creature and got this for my efforts.” He touches the scar again. “It was deserved. Beast should have torn my head off.”