“I won’t harm you,” he said.
“Those words aren’t exactly reassuring after you just admitted to wanting to kill me.”
“If I planned to kill you, I would have done it in that pit. And then I would have killed the other women. It’s what they intended for me to do; it’s why you were there and why I was there.”
“Then why didn’t you?”
When his gaze shifted to her, she forced herself not to flinch away from those red eyes, which were the most unnerving things she’d ever seen.
“Because of you,” he stated.
“Me?”
“Yes, you. I don’t know what it is about you, and I’m too fucking thirsty to figure it out, but I stopped because of you.”
Chapter Ten
Before she could reply, he pulled her into an alley. A cold sweat broke out on her skin as she realized no one could see them in here. She highly doubted anyone on that street would have helped her, but having people around had given her a little security. It was gone.
“Where are we going?” she asked.
“Until I feed, I’m not much good to either of us. I can’t….”
Lucien lowered his head and, using the heel of his hand, slapped his forehead a few times as he tried to regain control of his jumbled thoughts. But the word hungry had started to replay on incessant, whiny loop in his head. He didn’t know if he despised his lack of control or that whiny tone more.
“Feed on what?” Callie asked nervously.
“Right now, I don’t care what it is, as long as it has blood.”
Callie tried to tug her arm free, but his grip tightened. She suppressed a wince when his fingers bit into her skin. Memories of Carter flashed through her mind, and she tried to bury the panic swelling within her like a rising tsunami.
“Let go of me!” she cried.
He released her as if she’d burned him. “I’m sorry…. I’m not…. This isn’t who I am. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I won’t…. it won’t happen again.”
Lucien couldn’t recall the last time he ever apologized to anyone, or if he’d ever apologized to anyone before, but suddenly he wanted to crush her against him as he wrestled against the madness threatening to consume him. However, he didn’t dare touch her for fear he would injure her again.
He was making a massive mess of this. Making a mess of what?
That was a good question, and if he could think straight, he might be able to figure out the answer. But right now, all he could think about was keeping her safe and with him.
Callie rubbed her arm as she studied him. The confusion on his face and the anguish in his voice all made her think he truly meant what he said, but she wasn’t an idiot; most abusers spewed apologies after committing their crimes.
It was clear he was unstable and on the verge of losing it. An unhinged vampire seemed about as safe as a nest of pissed-off vipers, but the sorrow in his red eyes touched something in her.
Unable to stop himself, he touched her cheek. As he connected with her, she flinched away before recovering and lifting her chin. Her eyes blazed with defiance, but he’d seen something in them… something he couldn’t quite put his finger on.
He’d seen it before, but it was clearer this time. It was more than terror, more than disgust and distrust. It was raw and primal, and he hoped never to see it from her again.
“I’m sorry,” he said again.
Callie nodded, but Lucien sensed her hesitation and wariness of him. She had every right to distrust him. He kept scaring her when it was the last thing he wanted to do. He slapped at his temples as he tried to clear his mind.
It didn’t help.
When he lifted his head to take her in, he saw the look of a cornered animal staring down the throat of their enemy. It withered something inside him. He deserved that look, but he would prove to her that she could trust him. He just didn’t know how when he kept fucking everything up.
He hadn’t even realized he was scaring her this time. Until he fed, he was a threat to her, and he couldn’t allow that to continue.
At the end of the alley, he scented the air and turned to the right. They made their way through a few more side streets before coming to a neighborhood that looked as if only a bulldozer could save it.
Most of the houses sagged with decay and age; many of them had no windows or plywood in place of glass. The cars on the street were missing tires or sat on flat tires. Some looked as if they might still run, but others were shells that housed countless rodents.
Without thinking, Callie stepped closer to Lucien as she nervously eyed the buildings. “We should leave,” she whispered.
“There’s a food source nearby. I have to feed.”
Repulsion raced through her, and she edged away from him.
Lucien reached for her again before lowering his hand. “This way.”
Callie’s feet remained plastered to the cracked sidewalk as he took a few steps away from her. When he started to turn back to her, she reluctantly walked toward him. She didn’t have any other options.
Her revulsion battered against him, but the lure of heartbeats pulled him onward. He stopped in front of a rundown house. Plywood covered its lopsided windows, and the front door was gone. Concrete blocks had replaced the front steps.
The fading and chipped yellow paint suggested this home was once cheerful and cared for, but that was years ago. He didn’t know what happened to those owners, and he didn’t care. All he cared about was the pounding of the hearts inside the home.
“This way,” he said as he started up the cracked and broken walkway toward the blocks.
He was halfway up the sidewalk before he realized she wasn’t walking beside him. He turned back to discover her standing at the end of the walkway with her arms folded over her chest.
“Let’s go,” he said.
“I’m not going in there to watch you kill people.”
“I’m not going to kill them.”
Or at least he hoped he wasn’t. He didn’t know what would happen once his fangs pierced their flesh and their blood flooded his mouth. He was as stable as the ground during an earthquake.
However, he would do whatever it took not to lose control of himself in such a way, especially if she was there.
“Isn’t killing what you do?” she asked.
“We can feed without killing; some vampires choose not to, but I keep my victims alive. I won’t kill them, and I’m not leaving you out here.” He detected more heartbeats as he glanced up and down the road. “It’s not safe out here.”
Callie stared at the ruined houses surrounding them. Though she couldn’t see anyone, she sensed them standing in the shadows of this ruined place, watching and waiting. Waiting for what, she didn’t know, and she didn’t want to find out.
The idea of going inside made her skin crawl, but it was the better option. She stalked up the walkway toward him and halted a foot away. “Let’s go so you can torture some innocent people.”
“I’m not going to torture them.”
“As someone who has experienced your bite, I can tell you that you are going to torture them.”
Lucien winced at this reminder. He’d never been one for self-hatred and regrets. Shit happened; it was as simple as that. Until her, there was only one thing he wished to change, but the past was as untouchable as the sun, and like the sun, it could destroy him if he lingered on it.