Would making such a promise to him cause her more pain in the future? She wouldn’t come.
She would not.
But what if she did? And he didn’t? She couldn’t bear that.
“Very well,” she said.
Peter stuck out his arm and clasped her hand in his. But whereas she thought he was going to shake it, to seal their bargain, he instead pulled her back onto the bed.
Because the future held only a glimmer of hope.
But they still had tonight.
Chapter 7
Shifting Hearts
Miranda had convinced herself that her life could go back to normal before Peter Spencer came along. She could not have been more wrong.
Because she had changed. Before knowing Peter, she hadn’t believed there was goodness in the world—not in her world anyway. And even though she was mourning the loss of him, something had shifted in her heart, allowing her to view everything in a subtly different light.
Seeing all of it thusly was encouraging but it was also slightly terrifying. Because feeling hope that her life could be different than she’d imagined left her open to the possibility of great disappointment.
Now, when she received invitations to a few various ton events, she wasn’t quite as suspicious as she’d been before. Until, that was, exactly ten days after she’d kissed him goodbye, she received an invitation to tea from Lady Ravensdale.
Earlier in the season, weeks before Miranda accepted Peter’s invitation to walk with him in the garden, the countess had mentioned a desire to meet with her. But the timing felt ominous. Did she intend to question Miranda about her association with her angelic son? That would be humiliating, indeed.
Staring at herself in the mirror, contemplating the gowns her maid had laid out for her to select from for the visit, she shivered.
In the past, she would have erected invisible barriers around herself before meeting with another lady like this. She would have gone prepared with sarcasm and rebuffs.
But this was Peter’s mother. She wanted the woman to… like her.
Not because she needed to impress Lady Ravensdale, but because Miranda was tired.
And because in seeing the good in the world, she also sensed that there might be some goodness in her.
She was a worthwhile person. And she thought she might even be able to be a good friend. Perhaps putting Peter’s needs before hers had something to do with it. Perhaps the change came from knowing she wasn’t completely broken.
She could love.
She settled on a simple mauve muslin with an embroidered bodice and puffed three-quarter sleeves. And of course, she wore the matching hat with silk roses, even though she’d have to remove it once she got there. No lady would deny that an elegant ensemble could do wonders in dispelling a little nervous trepidation.
“Welcome, Lady Starling! That gown is positively lovely!” Lady Hawthorne, The Countess’ daughter, gushed before Miranda was even all the way into the room.
From the moment she’d stepped inside, the visit proved to be most enjoyable and not at all uncomfortable. She was not Lady Ravensdale’s only guest. In addition to Lady Hawthorne, Lady Darlington—the countess’ daughter-in-law—sat prettily beside their hostess. Lady Hawthorne immediately demanded Miranda address her as Natalie, and the other woman insisted she be called Rose. The two ladies’ appearances contrasted in all ways except for their inviting smiles. Whereas Natalie had golden locks pinned atop her head and an upturned nose, Rose, who, before marrying Lord Darlington had been a lady’s maid, wore her sable hair in an elegant chignon.
Initially, they discussed the latest on dit but quickly became bored with the gossip and moved to discussing gardening and shopping and their favorite recipes.
And when they’d tired those subjects, Natalie shared the latest exploit of her oldest son. “Brody tried not to cry but I could tell by the look in his eyes that he was frightened. And Garrett and I were besides ourselves!” Apparently, the Sunday before, their six-year-old son had gotten a small toy soldier stuck in his nose. “And that child insisted he hadn’t placed it up there himself, but that he’d thrown it into the air and it landed in his nostril.“ Natalie rolled her eyes while she complained but it was obvious that she doted on all her children. “After hours of poking around up there, Garrett finally got it out by using a pinching device he’d devised with two of my crochet hooks.”
“My poor Brody,” Lady Ravensdale commiserated for her grandson.
“I doubt he’ll do that again.” Rose shook her head in sympathy.
Miranda bit her lip. This family loved children.
“You are welcome to laugh. And honestly, he truly expected me to believe the toy just fell into his tiny, barely-there nostril. The imp is lucky we got it out.”
“You’ll have to warn Benjamin. My poor little Brody,” Lady Ravensdale inserted yet again. She obviously doted on all of her grandchildren. “In fact, you need to have Nurse remove any other similarly sized toys from the nursery.”
Miranda met Lady Hawthorne’s gaze, and they both smiled. The children, it seemed, could do no wrong in the eyes of their grandmother…
Miranda glanced at the clock on the mantle. “I’ve had a wonderful time, and I refuse to outstay my welcome.”
“You could never do that, Miranda,” Natalie said.
Miranda smoothed her skirts but before she could stand to leave, the countess’ next words caused her to all but freeze.
“I understand you became acquainted with my middle child, my Peter, before he abandoned us to enrich his musical talents in Brighton.”
Miranda inhaled and then nearly stopped breathing altogether while she fumbled for a response.
My Peter. The countess doted on her grown children as well.
“He taught me how to drive.” The words tumbled past Miranda’s lips before she could consider them. “We are friends.”
“I’d anticipated that he’d lock himself away with his cello until the very moment he had to leave London, but he hardly practiced at all that week.” Lady Ravensdale wasn’t criticizing, but she seemed to be fishing for information.
“I had the music room all to myself,” offered Rose, whom Miranda had learned played the pianoforte.
“He wasn’t all sensitive and broody, either, like he was before the audition,” Natalie said.
Miranda swallowed hard. She could hardly confess to spending most of that time alone with him, nor could she tell them half of what they’d been up to.
Or that she missed him even more than she’d expected and craved to hear how he was faring in Brighton.
Miranda had to tamp down all the questions she wanted to ask about him. About his childhood, what he’d been like growing up… And although both his sister and his mother were fair-haired, Miranda recognized similarities in their features and some of their gestures.
Lady Ravensdale reached inside of one of her sleeves and withdrew a folded sheet of parchment. “He’s written already. I hadn’t expected to hear from him so soon.”
“What does he say? Is Sir Bickford-Crowden a dragon?” Natalie leaned forward.
“He says the schedule is rigorous. But assures me he is eating sufficiently.” Peter’s mother donned a pair of spectacles and settled them onto her nose. “And oddly enough…” She stared over the glasses at Miranda. “He requested me to deliver this to you.”