McKinley
“Evan, go, we got this,” I tell him for the third time.
“I know. It’s just the first time I’ve left her. I didn’t know it would be this hard,” he says, running his hands through his hair.
“Oh, honey, it gets easier. Why don’t you plan on eating lunch here today? I’ll have it ready at noon. This way you get to see this little one and ease you into it,” Mom suggests.
Evan seems to brighten a little at her suggestion. Bending down, he pushes the handle down on Lex’s car seat. I watch him as he releases the straps and removes her, just like an old pro. Two weeks and he has come such a long way. “Daddy loves you, sweet girl. You be good for Kinley and her momma. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
“All right, Daddy, time to go,” I say, holding my arms out for Lexi. Evan kisses her forehead and places her in my arms.
“McKinley, I can’t even tell you how much this means to me.” He turns to look at Mom. “You too, Momma Mills.” He grins, using the name he’s called her all his life. “I can’t thank you enough for watching her for me. I don’t know if I could have left her with anyone else.”
“She’s my granddaughter. Of course, I’m going to watch her,” Mom says, like he should already know this.
“And we share a middle name; we’re best friends,” I say with a grin.
Evan’s brown eyes lock on mine. I hear Mom say something about laundry and her footsteps as she leaves the room. Evan takes a step forward, aligning our bodies. He places one hand on Lexi’s back and the other caresses my cheek. He doesn’t say a word, just keeps his eyes trained on mine. When he leans in closer, my heart stutters in my chest. Evan’s lips softly press against mine for mere seconds before he pulls away and kisses the back of Lexi’s head. “I’ll see you soon,” he whispers, before turning and walking away. I watch him through the glass as he climbs in his truck and drives away.
“Oh, Lex, your daddy, he has no idea what he does to me,” I confess to her.
“Evan gone?” Mom asks, startling me. How long has she been there? What did she see?
“Yeah, he’ll be back at lunch time. This little one has her hooks in him.”
“Um hmm,” Mom says.
Shit! “What do you mean um hmm?” I ask her.
“Just agreeing with you, dear.”
Double shit! “Let’s watch some cartoons, Lex.” I leave her car seat and pick up the diaper bag. Whatever Mom thinks she’s seen, or happened to see, is not what it looks like. Evan and I, we’re not…we’re just not.
Lexi falls asleep not ten minutes into our cartoon date. I know I should put her down and let her sleep, but she’s just too sweet and I love to cuddle her.
“You’re going to spoil her,” Mom says, taking a seat on the couch beside me.
“I know, but…”
“But nothing. If we hold her all day, Evan is never going to get sleep at night. She’s going to get used to it and refuse to sleep without someone holding her.”
Knowing she’s right, I stand and place Lexi in the pack-n-play I bought yesterday. I figured it would be easier if we had our own, less for Evan to take back and forth. I got a good deal on it at Target.
“You want to talk about it?” Mom asks.
“Talk about what?” Damn it, she did see him kiss me.
“McKinley, I’m your mother. I know when something is bothering you.”
“Your radar must be off. Everything’s fine,” I lie. Evan’s kiss still has me reeling.
“Fine, I’ll talk, you listen.” She turns sideways, pulling both legs up on the couch. Looks like this is going to be a long listening session.
“The chemistry between the two of you sucks the air out of the room. The way he looks at you, follows you with his eyes—I’ve watched it for months, but what I saw today,” she shakes her head. “That boy’s fighting what he feels for you,” she says matter-of-fact.
“Mom, he’s grateful for all the help I’ve given him. He had no clue how to prepare for Lex, and I felt bad for the guy,” I lie right through my teeth to her face. I’m a terrible liar.
“If that helps you deal with what’s happening, you can pretend all you want.”
“He’s Aaron’s best friend.”
“And yours too,” she fires back.
“Exactly. Listen, yes, he’s gorgeous and he’s a great guy, but there is nothing between us. He’s close to me now, leaning on me as he learns his way. That’s all this is. You’re mistaking appreciation for attraction.” I turn to look at Lexi sleeping soundly. I can feel Mom’s gaze on me.
“How did the pictures turn out?” Her question surprises me. It’s not like her to give up when she feels so strongly about something. Maybe she was just trying to feel me out, get me to confess. She really doesn’t think our chemistry sucks the air out of the room as she put it.
It does. It so does, but maybe, just maybe, she’s oblivious and I can keep living in the land of pretend.
Turning to face her, I find she’s smirking. Shit. No such luck. She’s giving me this, letting me tell myself there is nothing there. I need to be more careful.
“The pictures turned out so great. Lexi looks adorable. I sent them off for print. I bought a ton and blew a few of them up for Evan as well.”
“He’s going to be surprised. That boy has always been an Alabama fan. That’s a nice thing you did.”
I shrug. “Guys don’t think about things like that. I did it for Lexi just as much as Evan. She doesn’t have a mom to dress her up and make sure she gets her picture taken. A mom to make sure she will have those pictures and memories to look back on when she’s older. Evan’s learning his way. He’s not thinking about making sure he documents her milestones. He’s too focused on learning how to keep her alive—his words, not mine,” I chuckle.
“They’re both lucky to have you. I can’t wait to see the pictures.”
“Don’t worry, Grandma, I got you a few copies as well. I want them to be a surprise or else I would grab my laptop and show you.”
“I can handle that. So, you have anything in the studio today?”
“No, I kept it open. I knew Evan was going back to work today.” I stop there, afraid if I say more I’ll reveal what I’m trying so hard to deny.
Chapter 29
Evan
Two months today. It’s hard for me to believe I’ve had her for eight whole weeks. It still seems like yesterday. She’s growing and changing every day, and she no longer sleeps all day long. Kinley and her mom are great about keeping her up during the day and our nights have gotten better. It’s hard as hell doing this on my own. Well, I’m not alone; Kinley has been there every step of the way, as have Aaron and their parents. My parents have been going crazy with wanting to see her. I’m going to have to make a trip to see them soon. Dad’s too weak to travel. I’ve been putting it off because I don’t think I can do it alone. I’ve been trying to find a way to ask Kinley to go with me. I hate to take her from the studio, but I need her.