I smile and nod slightly.
“You shoulda married him.” He laughs softly. “Liz is going to stay over and sleep with you. The doctor would prefer it.”
“Okay.” I try to settle in again and get comfortable, but the aches and pains and reality of this bullshit moment seem like too much.
Until the drugs kick in.
Then I can’t see anything but feel my dad tuck my stuffed bear, Leo, into my good arm and a swirling world of darkness takes me.
If I dream, it’s lost in the haze of being stoned off my butt.
A feeling I suspect I’ll have to get used to.
Chapter 5
December 25
I wake to the smell of bacon cooking. Certain I’m dreaming, I roll over to find Rod gone. I check my phone to see it’s nine in the morning and I’ve missed four calls from Shawnee. She’s clearly raring to go on the planning part of this all.
I call her as I get up and pull on my robe. “Hey, Merry Christmas,” I mutter.
“Don’t you Merry Christmas me, Lil!” she snaps. “Did you confront him and tell him you want to see his phone? Have you started packing his shit?”
“No, it’s Christmas morning and he’s making bacon. I can’t just walk in there and demand to see his text and call history while he’s cooking breakfast. He’s never actually done that before.” I peek out the door to ensure he’s nowhere near this part of the house. “I need proof before I say anything else to him,” I whisper. “He offered his defense yesterday and it sounded believable, to him. If I come at him and call him a liar, I need a reason for it beyond my hunch.”
“Why?”
“Because that’s what being married is,” I say harshly.
“These are delay tactics. I don’t know why you feel the need to be vindicated or to stay until you have things figured out. Just leave! Come stay with me.”
“He’s not going to talk his way back with me, Shawnee. I’m done. And I love you and how much you worry about me. I promise, I am trying to figure out what to do. I’ll see you tomorrow at your parents’ house. We can talk then.”
“Fine. But I’m holding you to this.”
“Love you.” I click the phone off before she has a chance to argue with any more of her common sense. I should just leave and never look back. But I need a plan. And deep down, I want to see his face when I show him he never fooled me.
She texts a heart and I send a smile, knowing she’s on my side regardless of what happens.
Pushing it all aside, I make my way to the kitchen, forcing a pleasant look on my face when he sees me. “Good morning,” I say as if yesterday didn’t happen. “I didn’t know you knew how to cook bacon.”
“Merry Christmas.” He grins. “There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” he retorts cheekily but it hits differently today. He shakes his head when he sees my face. “That’s not what I meant. I Googled it, okay? I don’t know how to cook bacon. I just thought I might get a head start on the eggs Benny.” He rushes at me, pulling me into his arms and burying his face in my neck, inhaling me. “I am so sorry about yesterday. I should have told you about my history with Elaine. I just figured it happened before us, so it didn’t matter.”
This is new. He never apologizes first. He’s trying to throw me off the scent.
“Does Brent know?” I ask, trying not to sound heartless. But his story about Elaine trying to lure him into an affair only makes sense if Brent is aware of the relationship. How else would her calling up Rod every Christmas torment Brent?
“About me and Elaine before he even met her?” He pulls back, staring down on me with disbelief. “No. When he brought her around and I realized who she was, he was already smitten and convinced she was the one. I couldn’t do that to him.”
He is such a liar. And worse, he thinks I honestly am this stupid?
I guess I have been.
Trying not to react, I stay with the line of questioning. “You let him date her even though you knew what she was like already?”
He exhales slowly, maybe thinking about the answer. “I knew she wasn’t the type of girl you married. But he was in love so I let it be. Not my circus, not my monkey, ya know?” He holds me to him again. “And it’s still not our business. I will tell Elaine not to call me or text me ever again and that you know about her advances. That should embarrass her enough to stop doing it.”
“She knows I know, Rod.” I wiggle free, returning the look of disbelief as I’m stunned that he is going to these lengths to lie. “Did she not tell you when the Bluetooth connected again to your car that I’d heard her?”
“No. She got off the phone in a hurry, said Brent was home. I was just grateful she was done making a fool of herself.” He shrugs and glances back at the oven. “I think it’s time to take it out.”
I have to count backward from ten before I speak. “Let me deal with this.” I pat him on the arm and turn to the oven, seeing the bacon is at least ten minutes away from being done. Ten minutes of alone time if he leaves the kitchen now.
“Okay. I’ll get started sorting the gifts and stockings.” He’s so cheerful it hurts my head.
I pour myself a coffee and add Baileys, telling myself it’s Christmas and not a justification for drinking away my sorrows and suspicions to make it through the week of family and parties and company.
Because like I said to Shawnee, I need proof.
Irrefutable proof.
I just don’t know where to get it.
Until I do, I have no intention of letting this die. Or letting him talk his way back with me.
But for now, it’s Christmas morning and the bacon’s done and breakfast needs to be made. At least that’s what I tell myself as I whip up a batch of hollandaise from scratch.
Chapter 6
December 31
“You sure you’ll be all right?” Liz asks from the car as I stare at my office building with trepidation and a heavy dose of painkillers and second-guessing. “No one would judge you for taking another week off, Lil.”
“It’s fine,” I lie and turn back awkwardly, still stiff. “Thank you for the ride. And sorry for being such a needy pain in the ass. I’m going car shopping as soon as I’m cleared by the doc.”
“Oh my God, stop. It’s a week after Christmas and your—” She pauses, stopping herself before she says that my husband left me. Again. “You have never been a pain in the ass or needed anyone. This is refreshing for me to get to be a big sister to you—properly. I’ve technically waited my whole life for this,” she jokes and tries to play it off as something much lighter than it is.
“Okay.” I sigh, hating that I’m so sore and bruised. A week in bed has been revitalizing but I’m only about fifty percent better. “I should go. It’s freezing. See you later.”
“You want a ride home? The offer to come to our place for New Year’s is still there.” She leans farther toward the open door.
“No,” I say with a shiver. “I can get a cab or walk. It’s literally ten minutes. Some light walking and fresh air might be nice.”