God, she missed him. He’d been her rock, her happy place, the one she could depend on. Both he and Jill had given her all the love a little girl could ever need.
There was simply nothing to be done for the bullies she’d met along the way. Of course, meeting and befriending Nita Jacobs had been a saving grace.
Her outgoing, sporty, tall and fierce Black Bear Shifter BFF had no problem kicking anyone’s ass who dared give Maya a difficult time about her not being able to shift. That wasn’t the only difference that made others wary.
Maya’s unique ability to communicate with the animal side to other Shifters was not considered couth. The fact that she was able to influence them was also something they feared. Not that she ever did anything more than soothe and calm their inner animals, but still. She supposed they were afraid of what she could do. The possibility of losing control to another didn’t sit well with anyone.
But that was not the way her abilities worked. She couldn’t explain how or why exactly, but Maya was able sense and then speak to the inner animals of Shifters. She was able to calm and suggest things to them especially when they were upset or feeling volatile.
That did not endear her to many. People did not like being reminded of times when they were at their worst and not in control. Still, she did her best to help.
After high school, the embarrassment and insecurity had faded. Maya might not be able to Shift into a Bear, but she was useful to the Clan in other ways. Her unusual ability actually had her being called upon a time or ten to help with a teenager’s first shift if it proved difficult. Hell, she’d even helped Nita with hers.
Of course, she had secrets of her own, things she kept even from her BFF. Maya shivered and rolled her neck, closing her eyes to try and hear inside of herself. The more she concentrated the farther away she seemed to get from her goal.
Grrr. She jumped and smiled. It had been happening for months now and Maya was secretly thrilled. But it was too new to share and too uncertain to tell if it meant anything.
Just lately, every now and then, Maya could feel her inner she-Bear stir deep within her mind’s eye. Her elusive animal was so powerful, so strong, and yet so distant. Maya sensed her Sow’s sorrow and it hurt that she could not heal herself enough to bring her Bear forth.
Still, this was progress and she was hopeful, even if she had no idea what it meant. When she tried to see inside her head she became lost in a dimly lit space and fear gripped her heart. Maya had to go about it carefully and slowly or else she feared she would never return from that cold, lonely place.
What did it mean? As far as she could tell, it meant her animal was enshrouded and buried so deep within her, she simply couldn’t get out. And yet, that didn’t stop her she-Bear from whispering ever-so-softly now and again inside of Maya’s head.
That ability to hear, to listen even in the loudest of silences made Maya unique. Early on in her life, she’d made the decision to cherish that about herself. It wasn’t easy and required constant work, but she accepted that it was necessary for her own peace of mind.
In fact, she’d made great strides to learn to be comfortable and appreciate all of the things that made her special and different from the rest of the folks in Barvale.
Of course, that was before the Fates had thrown Tonic Nanouk in her path. The rough and tumble, larger than life, sexy as hell Polar Bear Shifter made her weak in the knees. But the second he opened his mouth, Maya tended to find herself spitting mad at the man.
The dolt had both asked her out and insulted her within the first twenty-four hours of meeting her. He’d actually called her a liar for saying she had to stay home after she’d had to turn down his invitation. Circumstances changed and led to her being able to go out, and upon seeing him at the very same bar, well, he’d jumped to false conclusions.
She would’ve apologized for the misunderstanding, but he wouldn’t listen and it wasn’t her fault! At the time, her dog Max, a seven-year-old rescue who’d suffered with separation anxiety had needed a pet sitter and hers had cancelled.
Maya still missed the errant pup who had suffered with bone cancer, and after being given a very poor diagnosis, had finally been put down to hopefully a better, painless, more peaceful existence.
She was not a liar and resented the implication. The fact was she’d found a sitter for her dog last minute and joined Nita at Bar None to hear a band she’d been following locally when Tonic had seen her across the floor. Without giving her a chance to speak, he’d stormed over and exploded on her.
And not in a fun, happy-times sticky way.
Sigh.
Great. Now, she had sex on the brain. That was the last thing she needed to think about. It was too cold for self-pleasure and in truth, she just wasn’t feeling it. If she was going to have sex, Maya wanted it to be with another person. A real flesh and blood man.
Grrr.
Oh perfect! Her Sow was just as horny as she was, she thought as her Bear made herself known with that little lusty growl. It had been years since Maya had had any real sex, as in, with another person sex. And even then, it had been more messy than satisfying.
But what could she say? Past disasters aside, the big sexy Polar Bear Shifter made her have all kinds of nasty, awesome, dirty thoughts. Erotic fantasies and daydreams that for some reason sometimes involved chocolate pudding and cherries.
Yum.
Okay. This had to stop. She knew what he thought about her, despite what his Polar Bear seemed to think. Tonic, the man, hated her.
But her brain and her heart were too stubborn to give up her little fantasies involving him. All because she heard his inner beastie growl a single word at her during their first meeting.
That little word meant the world to her, or it would, if only his human half would acknowledge it too.
Mate.
His Polar Bear had called her mate. At least, she thought so, but the way the man seemed bent on ignoring her, his animal was probably mistaken.
Still, it was a wonderful fantasy. Maya could almost see herself mated to the big, strong, hunk of man. What would that be like? To wake up safe and secure in the arms of the man who would worship and care for you like no other in the entire universe. To know in your heart that you were well and truly loved. Not just for sex, though that was a big part of it, but for who you were.
Imagine being liked by the person who also happened to take your happiness and security seriously? To have a man not mind all your little quirks and the things that made you, you know, you.
It was mindboggling, awe inspiring, and gosh darn hard to believe, truth be told. Maya had dreamt of finding her own fated mate for years, and here he was, or so she thought, but for some reason Maya seemed to infuriate the guy rather than turn him on.
Ah, well, c’est la vie.
She never did do things the right way. It was always ass backwards or so Jilly always said. From the way she wrapped roses to the way she put on her makeup. Never in the most common order. But that was Maya for you.
Brrr. Her face was so cold it hurt. Damn heat. Damn winter. Damn stupid criminal who took all her money and forced the energy company to turn off the gas supply!
She stood up to put the electric kettle on. At least she had power, but at this rate she was so full of tea, she was going to float to bed. There was just no way she would be able to sleep with all this nonsense hanging over her head.
What was she going to do? She frowned as she added loose tea leaves to the glass pot and waited for the water to reach boiling point. She could hardly smell the spicy orange and black tea blend she’d selected for herself, her nose was that cold.