Sebastian poked his head through the door. “Are you aware you’re being rather loud, Wells?”
“I’m nervous because I don’t want them to kill the only damned male cat in the fucking United States so blind he doesn’t flinch at my face.”
“Scars are sexy,” he replied before returning into the store.
Meow. “Apparently, I’m being loud, Alex.”
“You are being loud, and I see your friend has correctly identified one of your many issues, my dear little kitten of a sister. However, I didn’t want to hear some male lycanthrope comment that he thinks scars are sexy, because that means I know exactly what he’s going to be doing with my little sister.”
“He’s male, he’s a feline, and he doesn’t flinch. However, he’s not a lynx. I had to compromise. He has been exposed to me numerous times without flinching, he’s male, and he willingly got into Daddy’s truck upon request. I didn’t even have to use much force. I did annoy him, but that’s only because I like annoying him.”
“I can’t tell if you’re wanting me to encourage or discourage you, Harri.”
“Encourage. Remember what happened with the lynxes? Because I do.”
“Well, that’s obvious. The weak ass male lynxes who aren’t in our clan cried when they saw your face. You got pissed and beat the shit out of them while a lynx. There may have been some crying from you involved, but we never actually acknowledge when you cry over lynxes. There isn’t a single male lynx on this entire continent who’ll pay you a visit because they know what you’ll do to them should they flinch when they see your face. And they always do. And unlike when Mom goes after Dad, there is no kissing or making up afterwards.”
“Well, if they hadn’t treated my face like it’s a horror show, I wouldn’t have kicked their asses.” I hissed over the reality of the situation. “I just piss this lycanthrope off, and I like when I do it, so I go out of my way to piss him off. It turns out he likes it, too, and he’s now following me around. And since he doesn’t flinch over my face, I don’t mind. At all. I will mind if my family beats on my lycanthrope.”
“I see. So, how much are we allowed to beat him?”
“You wreck his suit, and I’m going to mess up all those pretty faces. We clear?”
My brother chuckled. “I have an audience, and I’ve never seen so many hopeful people in one space before. How did you go from heading to Cincinnati to buying a sewing machine?”
“Well, you know I like to crochet sometimes, right?”
“Yes. You made Mom a blanket for Christmas, and she cried because her little kitten had made her something, and it was simple but very nice. You made Dad a blanket the year before. For some reason, Hugh and Harvey got blankets from you first. The rest of us have been crying ourselves to sleep every night because our sister won’t make us blankets.”
I rolled my eyes at my brother’s antics. “If I made a blanket for each of you, I would never get anything else done. Like work. And you know what happens when I don’t eat, Alex. I get mean.”
“Yes, you do.”
“Well, I wanted to make a blanket for me. And then I decided I should make baby blankets for the new litter, too. And the male feline I picked up came in and helped me pick up the yarn.”
“Wait. He went into a yarn store with you?”
“Yes.”
“Did he complain?”
“No, not at all. He actually made good yarn suggestions, too. I didn’t know he knitted or crocheted until today, though. But his secret is now exposed. He sews. Our first real fight is over the sewing machine. Right now, we have a joint custody arrangement for the sewing machine.”
“Okay. I see it really is too late for you. Tell us when and where we should pick up your Christmas present, and we’ll make sure he’s unable to escape you. We can be convincing.”
I snickered at the thought of my brothers picking a fight with a lion. Who would win?
Me. I would win. The roaring would be amazing, and I bet my lion would do a fantastic job of beating up on my brothers before they used sheer numbers to overwhelm him.
“You will not harm a hair on his head, you will not damage his face, and you will not wreck his suit. You will also leave his masculinity intact and uninjured.”
“Well, he wouldn’t be of much use to you if we damaged his masculinity.”
The first of the cops pulled up, and I sighed. “I have to go rescue my sewing machine from that cat’s clutches. And help him load it into the truck. I’ll give a call when I have an estimated time of arrival. And no plans for my lycanthrope, you hear me?”
“Loud and clear,” my brother replied.
I hung up, dug out the little card the CDC gave me that told the police I could legally murder people, and prepared to waste several hours answering questions.
Six
The lion wisely helped only when asked.
The CDC arrived half an hour after the cops to verify my kill and authorize the payment for my work. As Sebastian happened to be around, he cut through the red tape bullshit in record time.
On Monday morning, I would have twenty-five thousand dollars in my bank account.
Yesterday, that money would have gone towards the surgical reconstruction of my face. Today, I had no idea what I would do with it, but it was mine, so it was going into my savings account. If the big job fell through, I’d be twenty-five thousand closer to having my face back.
If it didn’t fall through, I’d probably need therapy to get over actually having money I could do something with.
The sewing machine itself went into a box with a lot of padding and was buckled into the back seat for extra-safe keeping. Its beautiful wooden stand with drawers went into the bed, and as I had issues, I secured it tighter than Fort Knox.
Sebastian observed, and the lion wisely helped only when asked.
Snapping my teeth and growling a warning had been sufficient to make it clear I would personally handle my new baby.
“Joint custody arrangement,” he reminded me.
“You’re losing this one, because this baby is moving in with me, which means you have to move in with me, and my living arrangements are not to a lion’s standards. You and your ego won’t fit in my home. It’s small, and I rent it. It’s the house version of an apartment. I do my customer service work in the equivalent of a small closet. And since you insist on joint custody, you’ll just have to deal with it. I’ll give you a key so you can visit and sew when you need to visit. If I move away, my entire family will have a meltdown, and there’s nothing worse than a bunch of cats indulging in drama all at once. It’s bad enough when one litter has a meltdown, but all fifteen litters having a meltdown at one time? My brothers would make the news. I’d make the news for killing my brothers, too.”
“I have plans for that. My favorite plan involves rope, a struggle, a forced removal of the lynx of my choosing from arrangements not to my standards and moving her to a location that does meet my standards. As I am a lion, I’ll fight an entire lynx clan for the right to do this if necessary. I’ve never gotten to take on an entire lynx clan at one time before, so I find this to be exciting and interesting. As I get to make off with the clan’s only single woman, I’m the winner of this from top to bottom.”