“If you love it, it’s a good cheese.” Sebastian leaned forward, peeked into the basket, and reached inside, pulling out several containers of crackers. “Apparently, your family is sending a message about what they think you should be doing.”
“I don’t get it.”
“Catnip can relax cats. Catnip can also make cats very frisky. Two cats high on catnip tend to get frisky. In bed. There’s enough cheese in that box to induce a week long cheese binge, Miss Murder Mittens. There’s also sausage.” He retrieved the sausage and set them on his lap before rummaging through the basket. I grinned as his curiosity took over. “It’s also catnip infused. You should store these in the cheese box if there is space.”
“I think those will fit. This is probably a hint to continue the family tradition of producing a ridiculous number of kittens.”
“You’re not fertile right now,” Sebastian announced. “Judging from your scent, we’ll have to start being careful in a week or two, although I’m not sure how lynxes differ from lions on that front. I didn’t do any research into lynxes like that. I was more worried about other things.”
I giggled. “Lynxes have set mating seasons. My parents just finished theirs. It lasts about two months. My litter is off-season. We’re just starting our season. My brothers are a little ahead of me, but we figure it was based on our conception dates. In-season lynxes are greedy assholes, and we get very grouchy when we don’t have company. I’m known to be pretty aggressive and cranky. My mother just assaults my father at least once a day. We just go hang out on the front porches of our neighbors when they’re going at it. Thus the whole cop thing I told you about earlier.”
“Are you on birth control?”
“Doesn’t work on female lynxes. At all. We completely ignore it. Or our virus wipes it out. But in good news, there aren’t typically any accidental kittens for lynxes.”
“How are there no accidental kittens for lynxes if you’re in-season and randy for two months? Lionesses are always in-season, and have more of a human reproductive cycle,” he informed me.
“My mother asked a doctor at the CDC once, and they gave her a nice check to retrieve a few eggs and do some experiments. She often lets them do something like that every time there is a litter to help cover the hospital fees and anything else if needed. It’s a thing. With as many kittens as they have? My parents need all the help they can get, and the CDC isn’t really all that bad. They pay fairly for things like that. But anyway, lynxes have really thick egg covers, so it takes a lot of sperm to get through it. The CDC asked an incubus and succubus to evaluate one of her eggs.” I shuddered. “And this is where we enter ‘I didn’t really want to know, but I do now’ territory.”
“Let me guess. They gave the number of times the average human or lycanthrope would have to ejaculate to have a chance of pregnancy.”
“Yes, they did. And because my mother is all about sex education, all of my brothers know, as do I. We even have a list for all known cat species. The list is in my email.”
Sebastian fetched my phones and went to work on them. “I’ll just get your phone set up while you continue exploring the box, because I’m now really curious how much prowess I need to display should we want children.”
“Well, the lowest of any of the numbers is thirty-five. I remember that only because upon learning this, my brothers may have gotten on their knees and bowed to my father.”
Sebastian went still. “The lowest number of times is thirty-five?”
“Yes.”
He gently set the phones on the couch beside him, lifted his hand, opened his mouth, and spluttered.
I understood. I still struggled to imagine the sheer amount of effort my father had to invest in order to make certain there were future kittens in the family.
My brothers and I were a lot more than the result of lust, although my parents had more than their fair share of that.
“Is your father a god or does he get medication?” Sebastian blurted.
“Possibly a god, because he is my daddy. But that talk keeps me awake at night sometimes, Sebastian. Thirty-five times? In one night? Hell, thirty-five times in a matter of hours? Inconceivable!”
“Obviously not, as your father has done a very good job of raising lynx numbers,” Sebastian replied in a dry tone.
I stared at him, and I realized I’d inadvertently assaulted him with a horrible pun. “I am so sorry. That was an accident.”
“Well, none of your brothers were accidents to say the least, and I see I have a great deal of work ahead of me. Do you know what this is, Harri?”
“What is it?”
“A challenge.”
“This year, I think we’re going to have to just come to terms with how challenging that challenge is. I mean, that’s…” The insanity that was my parents when they decided they wanted a new litter around befuddled me, and I shrugged.
“My pride demands I prove myself equal to your father, but I am a fan of your common sense. I’m going to need at least a year to strategize, Harri. And possibly a fertility test to confirm how much work I’ll have to do when we decide it’s time for kittens.”
I grinned at him. “Just think about it this way. If we fail at that challenge a few times, we win even when we lose, and we’ll just have to win some more next time.”
“I like the way you think. With that discussed, shall we sample some of that cheese and take this discussion to the bedroom?”
“Yes, please.”
Nine
They weren’t wearing shirts, and I’m not blind.
Sebastian went shopping while I enjoyed my first venture to the spa, where I was treated like a queen. Nobody flinched, and I suspected the front desk had warned the staff about my scars. Whether to enhance the mood or whether the spa really wanted couples to indulge in each other after sessions, I had two scantily clad men attending to me, and they did my nails while chatting about life in general. Their voices could melt chocolate, and the cream they slathered all over my face before adding the cucumbers did an excellent job of hiding my blushes.
I learned they were both wolves, and they’d been mated since before I was born, leaving me to marvel at the nature of the lycanthropy virus. In a matter of two hours, they did a hell of a lot to convince me not all wolves were idiots, and my hands and feet would never feel the same again. As planned, I went for a sexy red for the nail polish, and they even used practitioner magic to ensure the polish would stay pristine for two weeks.
To my delight, the treatment came with a little gift bag, and I fought my desire to bounce out of the spa. As promised, Sebastian waited for me in the spa’s lobby. I held up my bag. “I got a present.”
The lion chuckled, rose to his feet, and picked up a much larger gift bag from the spa. “And I got you a present while waiting. Upon exploration of our room, I decided we need to soak in the tub while we eat dinner, which will be delivered to our room in about thirty minutes. My shopping is finished, and I’m ready to spend the rest of the week enjoying your company.”
“I was attended to by two handsome wolves, and I bet they could melt chocolate on their chests with the power of their voices alone. Does dinner come with a dessert of lion? I need a dessert of lion.” I showed him my nails. “And this will last two weeks. Practitioner magic. My nails will be beautiful no matter what I do for the next two weeks.”