Right. Overprotective male lycanthrope. I sniffed my arm. “What does pregnant lycanthrope smell like?”
“That’s the problem. I have no idea.”
I knew who would, and I tore off the gift bag and stomped towards the house. “Mom!”
Behind me, Sebastian sighed. “You’re something else, Harri.”
“What? I want to know!”
My holler brought the entire family to the front door, and I plowed through my brothers in search of my mother, made it two steps past my father, and came to a halt when he snagged me by my collar. “Hold it right there, missy.”
Busted. Wait. My father had how many litters of children? I turned, and I shoved my arm in his face. “Smell.”
With a worn, tired sigh, my father obeyed. “What are you trying to do?”
“Figure out if I’m having a litter yet? What else would I be doing? I don’t know what litter-bearing lynx smells like. You should. So, smell!”
“Would you care to discuss why we got a call about an emergency operation?”
Crap. Right. The operation. “I disliked my old face, so I got a new one. After an unfortunate side-job incident, my virus crashed, which meant I could have the operation at normal human prices.” Not only had I gotten the operation at normal human prices, the CDC honored the intent of the contract, meaning I wouldn’t worry about money again anytime soon.
Instead of millions for specialists and extra work to contain my virus, the CDC had only needed an eighth of the proposed amount, and they’d been worried about tapping my virus too much rather than controlling it, requiring Sebastian’s virus to bolster mine rather than knock it out of operation.
My father’s eyes widened. “You got your scar removal done on your face for the price humans are charged? Did you get a loan?”
“I didn’t pay for it,” Sebastian announced, stepping into the house and easing his way through my brothers. “I did provide blood for the operation, however, to prevent complications. She paid for it herself from money she’s been saving for years. But yes, she had an accident, which crashed her virus. It was fairly minor, but the CDC took advantage of the opportunity, and the surgeons were available, so they did the work.”
“We knew she’d been saving, but the operation is expensive.”
“I kill people for a living, and I moonlight as a customer service representative on the side,” I announced, rather proud of myself all in all.
My entire family stared at me.
Uncle Henry busted out into laughter. “I should have known. You’re Murder Mittens. You’re a naughty little kitty. Bad girl. You knew Sebastian because he’s been handling you for years, although he was only given your permanent assignment because the file stated you’re a serious pain in the ass and have given him minimal problems. However, the file on Murder Mittens implied you’re a male. You are definitely not a male.”
Fuck, fuck, fuck. I hissed at my uncle. “I met Sebastian in a coffee shop!”
“Probably about a bounty the CDC required a handler for, and coffee shops make good places for handlers to meet their hunters,” my uncle replied.
“He felt sorry for me and gave me a hot chocolate.”
“Well, he is a lion, and he feels sorry for anyone who isn’t also a lion.”
Sebastian chuckled. “A bunch of assholes had just flinched because of her face, and she was miserable about it, so I wanted to cheer her up a little. Then I discovered she purred whenever she annoyed me into roaring. I’ve been carefully training her to purr whenever I roar ever since.”
I shrugged. “It’s true. I hated the scars, so I got rid of them. Now the kittens won’t flinch until they’re used to me, and I won’t scare the wolves off, not that I care if I scare off some damned wolves.”
“What sort of accident were you in?” my father growled.
“The kind that gets me eternally grounded?” I replied, refusing to look him in the eyes.
“You already told him you kill people for a living, Harri. You might as well tell him why you landed that pretty ass of yours in the operating room.”
“Fine. I invited a serial killer to kidnap me because I matched his demographic, where I brutally slaughtered him and his accomplices, rescuing two ladies who had a date with death. They now have a date with their families instead. The CDC paid me with a fixed face and some cash to do it. The lion whined the entire time.”
My father huffed, he ruffled my hair, and kissed my cheek. “Your mother’s in the kitchen making dinner, so you better get in there and help while I have a talk with your lion about why you’re shoving your arm in my face.”
“I took him to a secondary location. It’s the Corvette’s fault. It made me do it. I’m innocent.”
“You, innocent?” Sebastian asked with laughter in his voice.
“You are a bad, bad lion.” I stomped my foot and headed to the kitchen. “So bad. Blame him, Daddy. I’m pure innocence.”
“Sorry, Sebastian, but it looks like I have to blame you. She’s obviously innocent.”
“And that, boys, is how you get away with murder,” Uncle Henry announced.
Dear Readers,
I hope this book, which probably does classify as pure fluff, made your day cheery and bright.
May you all have a happy holidays.
~R.J. Blain
About R.J. Blain
Want to hear from the author when a new book releases? You can sign up at her website (thesneakykittycritic.com). Please note this newsletter is operated by the Furred & Frond Management. Expect to be sassed by a cat. (With guest features of other animals, including dogs.)
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A complete list of books written by RJ and her various pen names is available at https://books2read.com/rl/The-Fantasy-Worlds-of-RJ-Blain.
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RJ Blain suffers from a Moleskine journal obsession, a pen fixation, and a terrible tendency to pun without warning.
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When she isn't playing pretend, she likes to think she's a cartographer and a sumi-e painter.
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In her spare time, she daydreams about being a spy. Should that fail, her contingency plan involves tying her best of enemies to spinning wheels and quoting James Bond villains until she is satisfied.
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RJ also writes as Susan Copperfield and Bernadette Franklin. Visit RJ and her pets (the Management) at thesneakykittycritic.com.
Follow RJ & her alter egos on Bookbub:
RJ Blain
Susan Copperfield
Bernadette Franklin
Upcoming R.J. Blain releases
Dirty Deeds: an Urban Fantasy Collection (featuring a Magical Romantic Comedy (with a body count) novella, releases on January 12, 2021.
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Wild Wolf, the second novel of the Wolf Hunt trilogy, releases on January 19, 2021. (Moved from December 22, 2020 to preserve the author’s flagging sanity.)