Chapter Twelve
Tamsin (or Zuri. It depends on the day and the outfit at this point)
Two weeks later…
Something Garrett was working on had him at home more often, and sometimes it was awesome, sometimes not so much.
In my downtime, I’d developed bad habits. Well, not exactly bad habits, per se, but I’d made the mistake of turning on the television and watching stuff that had me doing searches online like a junkie looking for a fix. I was a fact-checking guru.
Netflix was mainly to blame. I’d watched most of the real-life crime shows on there, and because of some of the stuff that’d come up in them, my search history started off sketchy as fuck. Then I moved onto documentaries and shows based on real-life stuff, so my search history would probably be setting off alarms in most countries.
Then I went down the rabbit hole that was the television show called Whale Wars about the conservation group, the Sea Shepherds. When I’d discovered that you could buy merchandise from their online shops, I ordered hoodies and t-shirts for Garrett and me so we could give them our support and backing. I’d also investigated whaling and information on the number of whales left in the world, which had led to a few days of little to no sleep.
This was where my previous searches came in not so handy. You see, I went on a planning blitz of things that could be used to stop the whalers when I finally went out to save the whales. I got so into it that Garrett came home to see me trying to make a rotten butter bomb with one hand and had put a stop to it by grounding me from watching it anymore.
After that, I resorted to just discovering weird shit, which was why when Garrett kissed me the other night, I’d blurted out the ‘fun fact’ that the skin on your lips was the same as the one around your butt hole. Crazy but true!
At this stage, if Gjorka didn’t catch up with me, unfortunately the authorities from several countries just might. Or maybe whaling groups and countries that were pro-whaling. Maybe even Sphincters Anonymous, people who didn’t want those facts getting out there.
I also had a new selection of makeup. I’d gone from wearing what I needed to get by every day to wanting to be able to never wear the same thing twice in three months. I could now do dramatic winged eyeliner, contour like a pro, I’d almost blinded myself with fake lashes, and I could blend eyeshadows until they called me Princess Glitzy Titz as I took the pole.
Boredom… it wasn’t a great look on me.
And that brought me to what I’d done last night. It was as I opened a package that had my new nail polish in a shade of glittery aqua blue called Jelly Jive that I realized something—all of those months I’d wondered about the box jellyfish anus meme, and I had the proof under my roof… I just had to give him seafood.
So, when Garrett had come home that afternoon, we’d gone to the store to get some so I could make him dinner. Admittedly, it had tasted fantastic, but when I’d crouched down immediately afterward, the dirty grin on his face dropped when I pulled his leg up and shone the torch on my phone on his ankle.
Know what I found? Fuck all. Not one thing! Sure, there were whirls, and it looked like he’d been attacked by acid, but I couldn’t make out an anus on it if I had a gun to my head—which I hoped never to happen.
When I realized that the level of disappointment that I was feeling was probably too much for the situation, the reality of my situation sank in. Boredom wasn’t my color.
I also had a feeling that it was being made worse by the fact that I wasn’t allowed to go out without one of the guys with me. And on the occasions I did go out, there seemed to be a more than normal amount of the male residents—and female residents, if you count the Townsend women looking around like they were going to attack someone—everywhere.
What was going on?
And why was Garrett suddenly not wearing a uniform and going into work in just a t-shirt and jeans? It didn’t make sense.
So I decided to seduce it out of him. Me, Tamsin Waite, the super curvy, plain girl from New York, seducing Garrett Evans. It was almost like the beginning of a bad joke, but I was going to give it my all.
The new hair appliances, the makeup techniques, all of the lotions and potions that I’d bought recently, and the new underwear that I’d ordered after a home visit from a woman who designed them in town, Scarlett, were all going to come in useful.
It was time for Operation Spit It Out… No, that sounded wrong and dirty, like the name of a porno.
Operation Cough It Up… No, again, it sounded seriously wrong.
Operation Squeeze It Out… What in the hell was wrong with my mind that all of these sounded dirty? I was getting regular sex now, was that what was wrong?
Looking down at my baby, who was growing at an alarming rate, I blew out a breath as I reached for a pair of curling tongs.
“I think sex does things to you, baby. All of the normal and smart brain cells I used to have are gone, and it’s like I’ve got a porn channel playing in my mind.”
Almost like I was proving myself right, I glanced down at the thick barrel of the curling tongs and raised an eyebrow. Still, I wanted to look like a sex kitten who’d make Garrett’s penis sing, so I pushed it all aside and focused on primping myself while trying to get comfortable in my new bra and panties, talking to Clyde the whole time. I could now use my right hand a bit more, but the movement was seriously impacted by the cast still, so it was awkward as hell.
“He doesn’t think I know how big you’re going to get, but I looked it up online, and the answer is massive. I also probably should’ve put two and two together, seeing as how I know both of your parents, but I didn’t. Welp, when you’re fully grown and you poop in the shower, he can clean up the elephant-sized dollops. That reminds me,” I pointed the hair dildo at him. “I’m going to teach you how to use the smelly powder, so your plops smell like roses.”
I’d just reached up to do the last curl when I heard an amused voice say, “You’re teaching him how to use what you do when you go to the bathroom?”
Not expecting it, I screamed and threw the red hot dildo in the direction it came from. Fortunately for Garrett, the cord it was attached to wasn’t long enough to hit him.
“Y-y-you…” I spluttered, grabbing up a towel and holding it in front of me. “Don’t you knock?”
Before he could answer, a handsome face popped over his shoulder and shot me a grin that almost made me slip down off the counter I was perched on.
“Hey, gorgeous. That powder in the bathroom is the shit. Where’d you get it?” Reid, Jarrod’s youngest brother, asked. The elbow to the gut that Garrett gave him left him with no doubts as to how he felt about him seeing me in my underwear, and he held his hands up in the air and disappeared quickly. That didn’t stop him from yelling, “I’m single, Zuri. Hit me up if you want to—” the sound of a slap stopped him midsentence, but he squealed, “Fuck, stop. I’m just saying, you ass.”
Gulping, I looked up at a pissed off Garrett. “How many people did you bring home with you?”
Throwing a dirty look over his shoulder, he muttered, “One would be too many, but ten has me thinking I should’ve called first.”