“Just sad, really.”
“What can I do to help?”
“This is good.” She took a deep breath, then looked up at him. “Do you think it’s crazy?”
“That you come here? No. Why would I?”
“Not that.”
“What then?”
“That I talk to him.”
“Is that what you were doing?”
She nodded, still wary. “I tell him what’s bothering me and ask his advice.”
This was uttered like a challenge, although Damon couldn’t understand why. “Does he answer you?”
“Not directly. Sometimes I remember something he said before and that helps.” She looked indecisive, which was uncharacteristic.
“Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”
“I’m not sure you want to know.”
“That sounds ominous.”
“It isn’t meant to be. You just prefer to keep everything at a distance.”
“I’m trying to do better with that.” Damon smiled a little when she studied him. “I called the therapist I worked with before and I’m going back for an intense session.”
“That sounds promising.”
“He’s not making any guarantees, but you helped me to see that I need to ask for help.” Their gazes clung for a long moment.
“I got a job offer,” Haley said. “In Illinois. Dream job.”
There wasn’t as much enthusiasm in her voice as he might have expected.
Damon nodded, reminding himself that he couldn’t promise her anything, not yet. “So, it’s time to pack up and go?”
Haley took a deep breath and stepped away. “Ninja has mixed feelings about it.”
“I’ll guess your mom will be glad to have you closer.”
Haley nodded, looking over the memorial. The silence stretched between them and Damon finally cleared his throat. “It is cold today. You know, there used to be a great tapas place just over there and around the corner. How about we get some lunch? A glass of wine, something spicy to warm us up?”
“That would be nice,” Haley said, then gestured to the memorial. “I just...”
“I know. Take your time.”
Damon stepped back and watched her, amazed that she could look so small and vulnerable. He’d thought of her as prim; he’d considered her to be a little tigress; he’d been chewed out by her and he’d held her tightly as she surrendered to pleasure. He wanted to see Haley in every possible way, but he had to make sure he was healed first.
He wouldn’t offer more than he could give, no matter how badly he was tempted to do so. Haley had been hurt enough. He wasn’t going to hurt her again.
He watched as she traced her dad’s name with her fingertips again, her lips moving although he couldn’t hear her words. She unwrapped the rose he’d brought, kissed it, then flung it into the fountain. Damon lost sight of it almost immediately. Then she did the same with the second one, the one she’d brought. This time, Damon was sure she said “I love you” before she threw the rose. She stood staring after it for a long moment, then bowed her head. He saw her tears flowing, then she straightened and wiped her cheeks.
She tugged on her glove again and turned to him, a tentative smile on her lips. “Okay, I’m ready,” she said and Damon couldn’t keep himself from capturing her hand in his own.
He told himself that he was just warming her fingers, but he knew it was more than that. She was the one for him, but he had to be strong enough to deserve her.
His therapist was going to find that Damon was a seriously motivated patient.
The tapas bar was dark and warm and not too busy. It smelled wonderful and Haley realized that she was hungry. They got a booth in a quiet corner and she let Damon order. When the waitress was gone, he opened his messenger bag. “This is for you, my way of saying thanks,” he said and she had the sense that he felt awkward.
The package was square and wrapped in plain paper. It was heavy and Haley knew as soon as she accepted it that the outer edge was a frame.
“Is it one of your drawings?” she asked before she remembered that she wasn’t supposed to have seen them.
Damon smiled slowly. “The best one I’ve done in a while.”
And why was he giving it to her? As a keepsake? Haley couldn’t guess. She opened the paper carefully so that she could seal it back up again to take it home. The frame was black and plain, just like the ones in his mom’s room.
The drawing was of her.
Haley stared in wonder. She was sure she’d never looked so pretty as he’d depicted her, and she doubted that her hair was ever that tangled and lush. She almost touched the glass with her fingertips, marveling that he was able to create a drawing that so closely resembled a photograph.
“I’m asleep,” she said, raising her gaze to his.
“You’re dreaming,” he replied with a smile.
“Looks like it’s a good dream. I’m smiling a little.”
“You’re glowing. I know it’s a good dream.” He brushed his fingertips across the frame and frowned. “I know you say that you don’t believe true love is for you and that there’s no such thing as forever. The problem is that I think you do believe in mermaids. I think someone hurt you and so you try to forget that you believe, but in your heart, you do.”
“I don’t understand.”
Damon raised his gaze to hers. “This is how you look when you whisper his name.”
Haley was shocked. She looked at the image and realized that was what made her look so different. She looked like a woman wildly in love—but she never saw herself with this expression because she locked it away.
And it was wrong. She’d been wrong. She didn’t love Garrett, not anymore. Maybe she hadn’t ever loved him as much as she’d believed. She’d loved the idea of him, or maybe the memory of him, but he didn’t hold her heart anymore.
“Garrett’s divorced,” she said without intending to do so. “He’s there.”
“Where the job is?” Damon asked, but didn’t wait for more than a nod. “Then it’s kismet.”
It was kismet, but it wasn’t Garrett who Haley loved.
It was Damon.
The wine came then and the moment when she could have told Damon the truth slipped away. He changed the subject after the waitress left, asking her where they’d lived when she was a kid, asking about her brothers and sister and her mom, avoiding every subject except the one she wanted to talk about.
He seemed to take her departure as a done deal, something beyond question. They rode the train home and walked to her apartment, Damon carrying the framed drawing. He left her at the door, giving a wave to Ninja, then looking into her eyes one last time. “Good luck, Haley,” he said, then walked away.
Haley watched him go, clutching the drawing to her chest, and couldn’t call him back. It turned out the one risk she was unable to take was asking Damon for what she wanted.
He hadn’t tried to convince her to stay.
He hadn’t tried to change her mind.
She knew that if she told him that she might be pregnant, he would do the right thing, but she wanted Damon to want her for herself, not for duty. She wanted him to be free to pursue his therapy, whatever it might be. She also wanted to be fair to their child, if there was going to be one. It was a mess, no matter how she looked at it, but Haley couldn’t regret anything about being with Damon.