I shook my head. “Why did you tell me you were leaving us for another woman?”
“Because it made sense. That’s what you thought, so I just let you.” He took a breath, started to say something, and took a second breath. “I was working yesterday with Mallory, but that’s all it was. Work. And your mother and I are separating, but I’m not leaving her for anyone. I’m here for work, only for work. And I am moving closer to Robbie, at least until your mother and I work things through.”
I could feel Willow railing inside me, but I had enough clarity to know it wasn’t really her. It was me. It was the part of me that was still connected to her.
“None of this makes sense,” I snarled. “You aren’t making sense. You or Mom.” I leaned forward. “I get it. I’m not talking, but neither are you. Why is no one talking?”
I was yelling.
“Fucking start talking! Talk TO MOM! TALK TO ME! TALK TO—I DON’T CARE! TALK TO A FUCKING COUNSELOR!”
No one told me to lower my voice. No one hushed me.
And if they had, I would’ve turned on them.
This was my anger. It was deep and unhealthy, and I had it in excess.
Calm down, Mackenzie, I told myself.
A beat of silence passed on that porch.
We heard the doorbell ring. Mallory came up the stairs, glancing to us before moving toward the door.
More people were arriving. They flowed in, wearing work suits and business skirts. My dad hadn’t lied. They looked like they’d come straight from the office.
He hadn’t lied.
He hadn’t lied.
Shoving my chair back, I pulled my feet up and hugged my knees to my chest. I rested my head against them and breathed.
He hadn’t lied.
When I didn’t say anything more, Ryan said, “Maybe we should go?”
I nodded, moving my head against the tops of my legs.
“Are you going to be okay, Mac?”
God. He used her nickname—but that wasn’t fair. Everyone in my family had called me that. It’d become her nickname for me since—I felt the anger and hysteria rising up.
“You want to go?” Ryan leaned closer to me.
I lifted my head, feeling raw and stripped bare. I nodded again. “Yes.”
Ryan took my hand and led me back through the house. My dad followed us, saying something to Mallory as he passed. All of their people had gone downstairs where she’d been earlier.
“I’ll be right there,” he told her. “Give me a moment with my daughter.”
He stepped outside to the front steps with us, closing the door firmly behind him. “They ordered food from the office, so we might get interrupted again.” His eyes fell to me.
It was hard not to see my dad’s suffering. He looked closer to sixty than forty.
“If you need me, I’m here,” he said. “I will drop everything and come to get you. I mean it.”
I’d needed him when Willow died. I’d needed him all the months in between, and I would need him until I was an adult. But how could I say that when he was choosing work today? Could I even say that?
Yes, you can.
Fuck it. “I need you at home, with Mom, with Robbie. I need my family back together.”
He winced, but he didn’t look away.
I waited, staring at him.
Then he nodded. “Okay. I’ll call your mother. We’ll make it happen.”
I looked down and saw how white Ryan’s hand was. I’d been squeezing too tightly. Relaxing my hold, I gave him an apologetic look. He shook his head. He didn’t care.
“You’re okay to head back to the house?”
I turned back to my dad, and I felt that fifth piece.
“Yeah. I’m okay.” And like that, a sixth tagged along.
We were starting to go when my dad asked one last question, “Did you troll Mallory’s Facebook account?”
Chapter Thirty
Ryan drove us back to my house.
It was dark, but I knew my mom would still come back tonight. Ryan asked if I wanted company till then, and I told him no. It felt right—the most it had in so long—for me to go inside, do my homework, and hope to get in trouble for still being up whenever my mom came home.
I kissed him and said, “I’ll be okay.” And I meant it. I gave him a smile before heading inside.
The house was cold when I got in, so I kicked up the heat and ordered a pizza. After that, I did what I would’ve done last year.
I did my homework at the kitchen table, paid for the pizza when it came, and I had half of it eaten by the time the garage door started to open. I was getting up, intending to pour a glass of wine to further mess with my mom, but as I reached for the bottle, I heard his voice.
My heart stopped.
“Mackenzie!”
I whipped around, my feet moving before I realized it.
I was halfway to the garage when the door flung open. Robbie threw himself at me.
I caught him and held him up. It’d only been a month and a half, but I swore he’d gotten bigger.
“Robbie!”
“Heya, sis,” he mumbled into my neck, his arms wrapped tight. One last squeeze, and then he pulled back.
I didn’t want to let him go, but I had to. I kept my hands on his arms and set him to stand on his own feet. “You look so big. You’re tall too.”
He was an inch shorter than I was. I looked at our mom. “Is that normal? How tall is he now?”
She laughed, coming inside with a pizza box and two other bags hanging from her arms. “Well, he shot up half an inch, but I don’t think he’s the one who changed.”
I frowned at her, eyes lingering on the pizza box.
“You lost weight!” Robbie nearly shouted. “I got taller, but you got smaller.” He could wrap his fingers around my arm, or the bottom of my arm. My bicep still had some muscle to it.
I shrugged, grinning stupidly. “That’s probably going to change.” I pointed to the pizza I’d ordered.
Our mom started laughing. “I got confused for a second.” She held up the one she was carrying. “Robbie insisted on stopping and getting you food. He was worried.” She gazed at him, her eyes softening. Everything about her softened. “I told you, you didn’t have to worry.”
He smiled. “I’ll always worry.” Then he tightened his hold around me again, hugging me. “I’ve missed you, Mac.”
I hugged him back, closing my eyes. “Me too.”
If I could’ve held him all night, I would’ve. It was as if he wasn’t just my brother anymore, but half me, half my son, half my responsibility. Or that might’ve been Willow’s influence. She was gone, and I didn’t want to lose anyone else, ever again.
“Okay.” Mom clapped her hands, pushing her sleeve back to peer at her watch. “It’s close to midnight. Robbie, you don’t have school tomorrow, but you need to go to bed. And Mackenzie . . .”
I waited for her order, my arm resting around Robbie’s shoulder.
She paused, staring at us and rubbing away a tear. “We have lots to talk about, but you do have school, and you aren’t allowed any more skip days. Off to bed, and no boys sneaking in. Got it?”