I can’t tell if this is her typical sarcasm or if she’s being honest. Part of me doesn’t want to know. I can continue to delude myself that he was zoomed in on me. What mega superstar/sex God who can have any woman he wants would hone in on me?
Sigh, I can’t even lie to myself well.
The next song comes on, and he doesn’t glance my way once.
Okay, I’m literally certifiable.
I knew I had to be off my rocker. Now I can continue on with my life.
We drink more, sing, and I do everything I can not to stare at him. But . . . I can’t help it. He’s too beautiful to look away from. I watch the way his chest heaves as he dances around the stage in perfect sync with the other guys. How his eyes scan the crowd but still make every woman think he’s looking right at her. It’s magnetic. Eli Walsh is ridiculously sexy. Even in his forties. He’s aged so well it makes me wish I were a guy. They have it so much easier than women. My boobs were much perkier fifteen years ago.
His smile, though. That hasn’t changed one bit. It still brightens every part of him.
“Heather!” Danielle calls to me over the music. “Matt,” she jerks her head to the left.
Ugh. Why the hell is he here? I can’t escape him.
One night. I wanted one single night with no Matt, Stephanie, bills, crumbling house, or any other issue. Once again, I get screwed, and not in the way that leaves me sated at the end of the night.
I grab Nicole’s beer and chug.
“Whoa!” she says, taking the half empty can from me. “Easy there. You’re a lightweight on a good day, but I can’t remember the last time you drank like this. Pace yourself.”
“You said to enjoy myself.”
She smirks. “Touché.”
I ignore Matt standing off to the side and looking authoritative in his uniform. It used to turn me on when he got ready for his shift. Watching him put on his vest and then take his time to make sure every crease was in line. Once he was sure his uniform was perfect, he would put his gun belt on and stand with his chest puffed out. Now he looks like an old guy who thinks his middle bulge is muscle. Sorry, dude, it’s the bulletproof vest making your chest big, not what’s under it.
Kristin wraps her arm around my waist, dragging my attention from him. “Ignore all men except those on that stage.”
“I just can’t seem to get him to disappear.”
She touches my cheek. “Try to escape in the music.”
I bob my head as we sing to our favorite ballad. “I love this song.” I sigh.
“Love me till the end of . . . time,” we both sing in harmony.
“I’ll love you, Eli!” I scream.
His eyes lock on mine, and my face becomes an inferno. Heat floods my entire body as his lips turn up slightly, and he gazes at me a beat longer than last time. Everything inside me clenches. My breathing halts, and I don’t look away. Eli finally turns to do some spin with the rest of the group, breaking our moment.
I just died of humiliation. I cannot believe I yelled that and he heard me.
Kill me now.
Kristin bursts out laughing, almost falling over from her hysterics. “I think I just peed a little.”
“Shut up.”
“You yelled . . . that you love him . . . and he . . . heard you!” she manages through her fit of laughter. “Only you.”
I pretend it didn’t affect me. We had a connection. I felt it, and I swear he did, too. My heart raced and not just because it was him. Part of me was mortified, but the other part of me was emboldened. He freaking looked at me. I know I didn’t imagine it.
“Maybe he didn’t hear.”
“Oh, he heard,” Kristin shakes her head.
The girls go back to dancing around and singing along while I feel like an asshole. I hate to be the center of attention, and I hate being embarrassed. That moment was as horrifying as it was exhilarating.
I need some air. There’s no way I can look at the stage right now. If he isn’t looking at me—which I know he’s not—I’ll feel stupid. If he is—again I know he’s not—I may have a stroke.
“Be right back,” I call out to the girls.
“You okay?” Danielle yells.
“I need another beer.”
She raises her can and then I head up the stairs. The music plays in the background as I keep moving.
I arrive at the concession stand and grab two more drinks. I’m going to need them. But I decide there’s no way I’m going to feel bad. I’m allowed to let loose. Besides, I’m sure he gets this all the time. Everyone here loves him, so why the hell do I care if he happened to hear me? I don’t.
Lie.
But, no, this is the first time I’ve been out in how long? I’m going to enjoy every damn minute. I brush it off, sip my beer, and decide to own my pubescent love of Eli Walsh.
As I turn, I come face to face with Matt.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hi.” I muster all the enthusiasm I have . . . which is none.
He scans the crowd and looks at the beer in my hand. I can see the judgment in his eyes. God forbid I actually have a life. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”
“I didn’t think I’d see you, either.”
Matt puffs out his chest and puts his hand on his gun belt. “Well, I figured I’d get some overtime.”
“That’s good.”
I’m not sure what to say at this point.
“So, how’s life? Steph?”
Like you care.
“She’s been good. Asked about you the other day.”
Matt rakes his fingers through his short brown hair. Seeing him like this makes it hard to forget how good things were for a period of time. Right now, he’s just a normal guy, not the asshole who broke my heart. “I’m glad she’s doing good. So, Four Blocks Down? Didn’t peg you for a groupie.”
I’m honestly shocked he’s surprised. Four Blocks Down was played at our wedding. He knows how much I love them. My bridesmaids serenaded me to my favorite Eli song.
“Attending a concert doesn’t make me a groupie, Matt. I’m enjoying a night out.”
His hand touches my shoulder. I wait for a feeling, any feeling, but nothing comes. I used to turn into a puddle when he was near me. He used to make my heart race, now he makes my head hurt.
I don’t know if I can pinpoint exactly when it happened, but we fell out of love as quickly as we fell in love. I think I cried more over losing the idea of my marriage than losing him. I wanted a love like my parents had. Instead, I got apathy and a man who was extremely jealous of my sick sister.
Matt’s thumb grazes my bare skin. “You deserve it.”
The door opens, and Nicole catches my eye. The scowl on her face makes me grin. There’s no love lost between these two.
She bumps my hip with hers, causing my beer to slosh over the rim of the cup. “If it isn’t Deputy Dickless, or should we say, Captain Kangaroo?” Nicole says before grabbing the cup and taking a drink.
Here we go.
“Hello, Nicole,” he says through gritted teeth. “And I’m a lieutenant not a deputy or captain.”
“Sooo sorry to get that wrong.” She touches her chest. “Well, as much as I don’t give a shit . . .”