“You can’t mean that.”
“I mean every single word. I’ve never chased a girl like this. I’ve never showed up at her house—repeatedly. I haven’t felt like this in a long time.”
No one has ever said anything like that to me, and suddenly, every reason to make him leave vanishes. I can’t think of anything to say in protest. Plus, I’ve always believed that actions speak louder than words, and he’s here. Even though I’ve done nothing to further his advances, he keeps coming back.
I shift a little, trying to break the physical touch because I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something. When he touches me, I tend not to think straight. Eli makes me forget just how broken I am. I don’t need to forget.
“Now,” he prompts as he drops his hand. “What do you want to know about me? I don’t want you to have that excuse anymore.”
“Okay,” I say with apprehension. “When did you get back?”
“I landed an hour ago, and I needed to see you.”
“You landed and came straight here?” I shake my head in complete disbelief. “You can’t possibly feel these things for me. You have no idea the mess my life is in, and I don’t have time for games.”
He retracts his arm from behind me and squeezes the back of his neck, “I’m not playing a game. We’re not kids, Heather. We’re both too old for that shit. If you don’t want me here, I’ll go.” He moves to stand, and I panic.
“No!” I yell and then clasp my hand over my mouth. Why did I say that? Ugh. I’m giving off mixed signals everywhere.
Eli settles back down next to me, and the green in his eyes darkens. “No?”
“I don’t know why I said that. I know I’m being complicated and stupid, but you have to understand my anxiety.”
A shiver runs up my spine and I gasp. He gets to his feet and steps in front of me. “I think you’re scared because you know what I’m saying is true and you feel it, too.”
“I don’t.” I put as much steel in my voice as I can. He’s right, though. Because when he said that he’d leave, I knew he would, and I want him to stay. Eli is the first man to make me feel anything since Matt. He looks at me without any pity or sadness. He doesn’t know what I struggle with, and I’m not broken to him.
He looks at me the way I used to look at myself, and I can’t help but want that.
“Tell me you don’t think of me at all,” he commands. “Tell me that in the week I’ve been away that you haven’t wanted me to come here. Make me believe I’m the only one who feels this, Heather. Tell me, and I’ll walk away right now. You’ll never see me again.”
Eli’s hand cups my cheek as I get lost in his eyes. The desire swims on the surface, allowing me to forget all the reasons why I should push him away.
“I can’t.” The truth on my lips stuns me. “I can’t say it because it would be a lie.”
His lips move closer to mine, and my heart thumps erratically behind my ribs. He’s going to kiss me. I want him to kiss me. There’s no excuse of alcohol tonight. I won’t be able to play this off as some drunken mistake. I’m sober, and I want him to make me feel again.
“I didn’t think you could,” he says before his lips press against mine.
Gone is the worry about my life, all that exists is us. Eli’s mouth moves against mine, and his hands hold my cheeks. He keeps me firmly against him as our lips stay fused. It’s everything that I remember and more. My fingers grip his shirt, holding him as much as he’s holding me. It’s reckless to be with a man that will never stay, but I don’t have the energy to care.
Right now, he’s here.
Right now, he’s real.
Right now, he’s kissing me.
And for right now, that’s enough.
He slides his tongue against mine, pushing his way into my mouth. I’ve never been kissed like this. There’s no way I’ll ever kiss another man without comparing them to this one. Eli kisses me like he’s been starved for it, which is completely absurd, but that’s what he makes me feel.
Too soon, he pulls back and looks at me, his eyes blazing with heat as they dance along my features, his lips red from kissing me. If I pinch myself, would I wake from this dream?
“Tomorrow,” he says in a strained voice. “I’m going to be here in the morning to pick you up.”
“No,” I say, shaking my head quickly.
There are so many things that I can’t do with him. I can’t get caught up in some tabloid scandal. I can’t have my life get flipped upside down because of him. I can’t date some celebrity who is only going to break my heart. More than anything, I can’t seem to push him away.
“Do you have to work?” he asks.
“No, I mean I can’t date you. I can’t even think about whatever this is. I can’t be hurt again, Eli. I wasn’t kidding when I said I’m a mess.”
Hurt flashes across his face before he masks it with a grin. “Who said anything about dating? I promise that no one will see us together. We’ll talk about the mess you are and figure out how you’re going to deal with me in your life.”
“I’m not having sex with you again.”
He laughs and kisses me. “Whatever you say. Wear sneakers and a bathing suit.”
Before I can respond, Eli is halfway down the stairs. “Why are you fighting so hard to see me? I’m clearly pushing you away. What is making you keep coming back?” I ask.
He stops, rushes back up the stairs, and pulls me close. “Because you’re not like every other girl. You’re the first person I’ve met in what feels like forever who doesn’t seem to want something from me.” His hand pushes the hair back off my face. “You look at me like I’m just a guy, not a meal ticket. You’re gorgeous, stubborn, and there’s something more that I can’t explain. I’m not saying this will work, but I’m willing to take a chance and see what this is, are you?”
Every word he said was exactly the right one. I’m not looking for anything from him. Maybe this won’t work, but I don’t know that I’m strong enough to say no.
“No strings?” I ask.
“No strings. Just a chance.”
I’m not a fly by the seat of my pants kind of girl—I’m a planner. I like my life to have order because there’s too much chaos everywhere else. I can’t make my sister’s disease fit into a box, but I can make my schedule solid. It’s my only way of being able to control my life when everything else is spiraling. There was no way to plan for my parents to die when I was twenty-one, but I can make sure that each Thursday I’m at the youth center to teach self-defense. Eli is a variable, though. He won’t fit into a box, so I won’t let him become a fixture in my life.
I know without a doubt, he’ll be the extra card that sends my house tumbling down.
Chapter 12
Heather
The clock reads four in the morning, and I groan. There’s no way I’m going to get back to sleep if my mind won’t stop running through all the possibilities of what Eli has planned. I didn’t think to even ask him what time he’s coming to get me today. For all I know, it isn’t until late morning, which is going to leave me keyed up all day.